A secret binge eater

[hurried]

I am seeking, rather than offering advice. I have to be honest, if I could I would eat all day, and I will often have large amounts of carbs in one sitting. I put my toddler in the car today to drive myself us to a local shop to buy carbs- I have nothing against carbs, I haven't been trying to avoid them, I just started on my child's breakfast biscuits this morning and went into a frenzy, finishing off the whole pack. I was stuffing them as soon as I brought them. I looked in the mirror and saw my child watching me. I felt so ashamed and thought I would be so embarrassed if anyone saw me.

Today was a terrible day. My son has had chicken pox and both been in all week and suddenly it got to me. I can't talk to my GP about this, and I don't have friends that wouldn't judge me for this. So I am seeking support here x

Sorry, havnt read the whole thread. Have you tried Paul McKenna I can make you thin book and CD. It is a really relaxing cd and helps to reprogram your mind regarding food. You are encouraged to eat whatever you want, whenever you want with two other rules......
only eat when your truly hungry
and stop when you are feeling that satisfied feeling.

Diets can cause us to binge. There is the mentality of binge today diet tomorrow. Often when your feeling lonely, stressed or unhappy then you can find yourself throwing food down your neck even when your not hungry. I have found with PM mindful eating i don't do this as no food is off limit and there is no diet but you can and do lose weight cause you tend to not overeat. Lots of people try it and lots give up doing the basic mindful eating and then eat unmindfully and start overeating again.

Rules that's helpful, thank you. I will put this on my list too. You are right about the mentality of diets, I find I really truly love food when I'm hungry! I even savour it, when truly hungry.

The things I struggle with are (please skip this bit, as it's kind of for myself to highlight my personal struggles) and some of these I have said before and received advice on so will elaborate with things that have worked so far;

1. The lizard brain feeling: First thing in the morning, after a a bad night with my LO (my husband leaves the house at 6am too), that, "I really don't care about anything" feeling and the thought of coffee or even chocolate (yes, I know!) seems like a big hug.

Another real issue I have with sleeping is when I'm disturbed at night (husband getting up or child crying, or even an owl tweeting) I can't get back to sleep, it's so frustrating. This was great when I was breastfeeding, as I had no problems getting up. Now though, each time I'm woken up It's almost like I have a surge of cortisol and I feel like I want to get up (even thought I know I will feel very tired later).

1. Diet composition: I am between a rock and a hard place with this one, as I don't think sticking to a rigid diet is good for the brain as you highlight Rules, however, yesterday, for example we had two packs of chocolate muffins my husband brought, and granary (yes, granary bread) and I thought I would have a little lunch, egg sandwich and half a muffin... I started eating the muffin and was like a woman possessed, I found that I was finishing off my partner's, my son's (they were full after half of one, I wish I was like that, it isn't hunger for me, it switches on my greed button, and instead of making me feel satisfied, I just felt like I wanted more, afterwards I wished I hadn't bothered with them).

I also had porridge again for breakfast, not following the low carb diet, and I can honestly say I was reaching for even more food all day. I think the porridge thing would work if I was at work all day and had no access to other food, but porridge also feels like a warm hug, just like bread and muffins....

Sleepwhenidie makes me think what I'm craving, I think it's sleep (!) and the only thing I have found to help this is get out and do something like an exercise class, but this isn't always possible.

I will repeat this again below, but for me, I have noticed the days I do a class, I haven't binged.

1. Keeping busy and being relaxed around food (This should also be in the "what has helped section): Again, this is a rock and a hard place. I find being busy makes me less likely to binge, putting myself in situations where I can't binge, ie an exercise class, or walking with my LO. At the same time, I'm often very tired, yet if I stop during the day, I will often reach for something that feels like that warm blanket and now my LO has dropped their nap, I'm reaching for anything to keep going. I also find if i am not mindful and just think completely "it's only food" I find I'm snacking all day, often polishing off left overs. Maybe on some complex level I'm not completely comfortable with this, but I think it's more that, I won't say "greedy" as nice people like Sleepwhenidie will pick me up on that as it's a negative statement and maybe it gives food more value than it should have, but I just like eating, full stop, if it's there I eat it. In some ways this is a great thing as I love all food, I love all the healthy stuff too. So it wouldn't be ten cheesecakes or burgers I'm eating. However, I rarely binge on chicken and salad! I am also my own worst enemy, my son does go to nursery for a few mornings in the week, but by the time I have packed him off I am wide awake. By that time I have already had my coffees and dark chocolate. A habit I know I must break.

1. Habit: I think I am just used to eating in response to any emotions. I bumped into my partner's ex wife, and it's all amicable, she is very beautiful (grr) and slim but very friendly, both have moved on, she is married with other children. It was all fine and I didn't think I felt anything. When I got home, I went to my son's cheerio's and ate a lot. It was complete ignorance on my own behalf, I hadn't recognised I actually found talking to the ex stressful, which would shock everyone as all parties have moved on. My husband was away that evening and I was in full on binge mode. I had turned to food completely without thinking. Boredom is usually my biggest trigger, but as i said this was obviously stress.

1. Dieting: Again a rock and a hard place. What has worked: i have almost been a lot better when I have been not "dieting" as such just following a healthy eating plan (you could call this dieting as my weight lowered during these periods). A while ago we went to a ball, or I can remember before my wedding, I wanted my skin to look nice, I had a goal and real motivation. I didn't diet as such, but I was excited about following a healthy eating plan, one full of colours (it was low carb actually and my skin completely cleared up- just a side note) but lots of olive oil and salads, I lost weight, everyone commented how well I looked and I felt wonderful. I got excited about following a healthy eating plan. it wasn't a low calorie one particularly as it had lots of healthy fats... and I guess in some ways it was quite rigid, perhaps too rigid on reflection , I completely avoided the stodgey carbs, and I didn't binge. i can remember one day eating three muffins and that was over the course of a year (prior to the wedding) and the few months before the dance. I had a goal. I have no goal now and I also feel embarrassed that i was that self indulgent, that vain to want to look great. So maybe my odd psychology there. i read Matt Roberts the personal trainer once said celebrities are highly motivated because they always have short term goals ie a premiere in two weeks or a photo shoot...

So I haven't really explained why dieting hasn't helped me, the times I have managed to cut calories or my food intake, has early always been followed by a binge. If I cut my calories too low I can't sleep either and lack of sleep is one of my worst triggers.

So what has worked:

This is obviously repeating some of above and what I have posted before:

1. exercise
2. having a goal - I get excited by the idea of following a healthy eating plan - I'm not sure this is entirely healthy... bizarrely...it's also finding that goal, I'm quite a contradiction these days I look so awful most of the time I have given up
3. being around others who are passionate about fitness etc I find I'm around others a lot of the time who have a great relationship with moderation....
4. Following a low carb diet- I'm not doing this at the moment, but I think is the way to go for me
5. Big breakfasts actually don't work for me, the best thing so far, that has worked, is going out for breakfast and taking SLEEPWHENIDIE's advice and having smoked salmon and eggs- this set me up for the day but read point 6
6. Doing something straight after and before food, i.e., the day we went out for breakfast we parked the car and walked cross country to a beautiful cafe in the hills, then walked back, a few miles and I didn't crave anything else and by the time we got home, it was lunchtime anyway. I find doing something else, straight after food helps, anything a walk, something pleasant, but not to do with food.
7. Having a full stop - I leant this from one of the books, having somehting to finish your meal, ie a coffee and a small square of dark chocolate, something to symbolise the meal is over. I'm finding this works for me. having a stodge dessert doesn't work as a full stop for me btw, it makes me feel tired and just makes me want more.
8. Access if it isn't there I don't eat it... simples. I want to be relaxed around carbs, but not too relaxed. I do wonder if they are like "my drug of choice"amd like someone rote to me, an alcoholic wouldn't keep alcohol in the house, but the I also don't want to give carbs credit, or give them a value by making them forbidden as I understand this may give them an extra value

Heymetoo We are similar in size I think. I have definitely done the "whole cake thing too!".

I read a study about children (I'm sure you have all heard this before) being placed in a room with a marshmellow. They were told if they stayed in the room for a period of time and DIDN't eat the marshmallow, they would be rewarded with two marshmellows. Some children were able to refrain and others were impulsive and gobbled up the single one. Reseachers found that the children who didn't eat the sweet were able to distract themselves, they played games they distracted themselves. So it wasn't willpower they just had learnt or new how to succeed. The researchers did the experiment again telling the children to view the marshmellow as something else, not as a sweet treat, but just as an object in the room. The children were much less likely to eat it when they viewed it this way.

Interesting that children have much better techniques than me, a thirty something year old. This also supports sleepwhenidie's theory of only viewing it as "food" nothing to get bothered about, nothing special.

Another thing that doesn't work for me unless I am really busy (I used to do this unintentionally when working) is to say I will eat nothing all day, if i have a day of access to food I inevitable give up and eat everything by eleven am lol.

Sleepwhenidie, I tend to binge on crisps (like the earlier poster who talked about eating a whole tube of pringles), chocolate and cake. I don't normally keep that stuff in the house, so I have to drive to the shop and buy the food - it's a planned thing! I never binge in the evening.

My usual diet is healthy, although too carb heavy as I love pasta and rice - I am trying to cut down on carbs. I enjoy cooking so it's mainly home-cooked food, loads of veg and salad, protein etc. I do notice that I have to finish everything on my plate (and my kids' leftovers too! ) whereas my DH is very good at leaving food if he is full. I've been on WW a couple of times in the past and lost 1 or 2 stone.

Yes, I run regularly (or go to the gym if it's cold and wet) and I really enjoy it. I do pilates too. I'm honestly very happy and healthy! It's just this one thing! Is that really bizarre?

Hurried, I really identify with your lizard brain comment above. And the bit about finishing all the muffins just because they were there. In fact I found a lot of your post really interesting - thank you for sharing it. It's funny to read about a complete stranger but recognise something of yourself.

Rules, maybe I'll give Paul McKenna a try. I do like the idea of completely changing my mindset towards food.

Hey .....Sleep mentions viewing food as just food. This is what Paul McKenna ( Or any other Mindful Eating Program) does. All food is equal. All food. Once you accept that then you find that the power that food has over you goes but it does take a good six months. I eat whatever I want but because of doing mindful eating, I tend to have a few mouthfuls and then im done. I no longer like the feeling of being "full". I keep all the foods I love in the house. Good cheeses, Olive oils, real salty butter, Green and Blacks Chocolate, nuts, full fat green yoghurt, cream, crisps....whatever. But I really don't eat that much over the course of a day now. IF I even think of going on a diet then it causes me to have food issue meltdowns which I am now aware of. Denying myself food or feeling bad about food causes bad feelings that need medicating....usually with food. Nothing wrong with eating less carbs if they cause you problems like bloating or IBS etc but if you are avoiding them with a view to lose weight only then this will inevitably result in a binge on carbs at some point cause you are denying yourself them when you want them. The more you deny yourself something or make yourself feel bad about certain foods then the more you crave them and eat mindlessly without stopping to actually register if you have had enough or not.
Seeing your husbands ex who is pretty and slim is enough to make you feel bad about yourself and inferior to her and then you might get feelings of wondering why your DH is with you when she is so lovely??? Then you overeat to make yourself feel better and to give you that "hug". When food is "just food" you might only have a couple of bites of something and then because it was the most wonderful tasty delicious piece of food in the world, you might stop after a couple of bites. You can always go back to it later.

Binging is an emotional response in my opinion and I have been there but until I viewed all food as equal and no good or bad food talk, then I was stuck in diet mode and DIETS DO NOT WORK.......they inevitably lead to bingeing even in people who don't normally binge.

Hi everyone. I've been fascinated reading your posts, there is so much more I would love to learn about you that probably isn't possible on a forum! I have some thoughts I want to talk about, some arising from your posts, some from all that I'm learning myself....

Hurried - your comment about food being nothing special, maybe I miscommunicated earlier - I don't think that! Food is special, it can be love, celebration, comfort, medicine. But flip the coin and it can also be hate, punishment, pain and poison . Too many of us have turned food into our enemy or crutch and/or have a distorted relationship with it and our bodies (myself included). We need to 'relearn' how to be with food and our bodies and to enjoy both but that can take a long time .

As Rules and other posters have said, mindful eating is key and DIETS DO NOT WORK! This is pretty obvious just looking around at the general population . Pretty much every woman you see will be/will have been/will feel she should be on a diet at any given time - and very few will be happy with their body - it's insane. Diets, in the generally accepted sense, immediately set us on a path of trying to control what we eat, set up a battle of willpower (which we are inevitably, at some point or other, going to lose), they are all about punishment, hating our bodies and being in a limbo where we are trying to change ourselves - which we may or may not achieve, but then we go back to eating and regarding food as we were before...and then the same issues return! I think a great aim to have is to live and eat in the way the person you feel you are meant to be would. For most of us, lifestyle wise that means someone at a healthy weight (not necessarily a size 10), feeling happy in our skin, regularly doing exercise we enjoy (not that we force ourselves to endure), having good relationships, time with our kids, a hobby and/or career that fulfils us and eating a healthy diet, including the food we really love and enjoy (even if they are 'unhealthy') in moderation. I really believe that the more you can do this, then eventually you can become that person, but it takes practice, patience and compassion. If Paul McKenna helps with this then fantastic!

With regard to the compulsions - I am going to use the small child analogy again as I think this provokes the most compassionate response in us - try to imagine your compulsion as a 2 year old having a tantrum. Completely out of control, crazy flailing abdabs . You know there is something wrong with that child, even they themself cannot recognise or verbalise what it is. So you as the caring adult think - is it tiredness, grief, boredom, hurt, loneliness, failure, frustration, hunger(!). Chances are this is one of the things triggering your urge to binge. If you can, practise trying to take a second to pause, breathe deeply and try and analyse what it may be for you (even if you are in the car on the way to buy supplies for that binge!) Hopefully you can start to feel the emotions/thoughts you are instinctively blocking with overeating. If you can, keep a diary for yourself and write down any thoughts that occur, even if you continue with the binge - keep writing during and after. The more you do this the more insight you will get - try to learn not to fear your compulsion, it is trying to help you make a change in your life for the better. Over time, the less you fear them, as with the less you 'ban' foods, the less power they will have over you.

While I say no food should be banned...I think the exception to this is when you know that it is a trigger for you. Hurried - sounds like anything white and carbohydrate! Then don't do it. It is indeed possible to be addicted to a certain food or substance that is really bad for you yet gives you a 'high' - drugs and alcohol being the obvious contendors . If there is an immune response in your body - say to Pringles - this can create a mild stress response that gives you an 'up' and makes you want more. So, just like an alcoholic, you need to lay off it, at least until you feel better balanced with the rest of your diet and overeating.Hurried note I don't mean all carbs, just the beige ones . If everyone is having muffins, could you find a delicious alternative? A few squares of dark chocolate, some yogurt, an ice cream?

Hey Rules - x post!

Sleep I think we are on the same track here anyway [ smile]

Definitely Rules

Hurried - why do you say you 'look awful' most of the time? And what problems do you have with your skin?

Just a quick one, I'm sorry my posts above were not very well put together... I had a little one demanding attention and I sent them in fear of losing my thoughts. It was a bit of a brain dump.

Rules I agree with you and it's great you found the Paul Mckenna cd it sound good. I however, get upset sometimes as part of me wishes I was completely relaxed around food. I'm not dieting or restricted yet I am overeating foods I haven't even banned (maybe I ban them only because I keep overeating them). I almost feel like a freak. I wish I could just keep all those things in the house and just have a bit like you do. I obviously have a long way to go, but I was like this as a child, when I wasn't restricted or dieting.

I keep letting myself having bits of what others are having or keeping them in the house as I feel a nutter not being able to do this, but I fail everytime and at the moment, it's not because I'm dieting. I just don't seem to get full on these foods, I eat when I'm not hungry and I eat for comfort.

I keep buying cereals etc for others and I can't do what everyone else can Sleepwhenidie, I'm not sure if it's correct nbut it feels almost a comfort what you say what you do abouyt addiction, I am not trying to abstain from responsibility, it's me that eats after all and I can stop, but everytime I have all these "beige" foods in the house I just eat them all day... I honestly, can eat the lot! I'm a pig :-) It's like a box of milk chocolates, I don't even like them but I'll keep eating them at Christmas time when they are just there. I know it's ridiculous and illogical and I always say I'll have a little bit and eat it slowly, but if I'm truly honest I always have the urge to keep on going and I'd rather have none. Does that make sense? maybe I have some deeper issues I need to sort lol. It's like when I was younger, a skinny child, eating too much sweet stuff until I was sick... I was allowed it, I wasn't dieting, I just didn't have a stop button and I haven't matured much, obviously.

I feel guilty about my "getting a high from food" I keep listening to others like my DH who says he wants me to join in and enjoy it too, but as I said i don't feel deprived not having it, (ie the white carbs) i feel deprived when I don't then go on to binge on them when I have had some.

As I said it makes me very upset that I am not good at moderation. yet part of me wouldn't want to give up that love of food, Sleepwhenidie, this reassures me. I just wonder, if from experience, and from others have said, not restricted this s such but channeling it in a healthy way, choosing foods that make me feel great...

I think a lot with me is I need to find a passion in other areas, I have found it hard to enjoy much else. I love my LO and I have never felt such love and happiness from him, and I have a great family but i feel I need to put my heart and soul into other things too. i don't get excited about much, and I think that maybe the problem, does that make sense?

I think my relationship with food is very complex. Of course, I have also had dieting issues, like many women have, whereby I have in the past, probably gone under the calories that I have needed and then of course overeaten but I don't think dieting alone has been my problem. I feel there are more people who can relate to this one. It's my overeating when I'm just existing, on an every day level, that isn't caused by dieting. I feel ashamed of this and sometimes really alone as it doesn't seem normal- although has been great to communicate with others on here about it.

Skin, oh don't go there, dry, saggy skin. I love it when I see people with glowing skin, I really envy that. I also respect heath and fitness (ironically!) and I'm interested in sports and admire those that look after themselves - not anorexic models- but sports woman - friends who just look like they have made the most of themselves and seem confident and full of energy.

Thank you for all you input everybody. I had a guilty day today today thinking of all the valuable things I have in life and how short life is, yet this is an issue for me. I eat so I feel sluggish, feel sick, and make myself feel terrible.

hurried have you tried reading the original mindful eating book ( I think) ....Overcoming Overeating by Jane Hirshman. It was the first helpful book I read and it caused me to make sure as far as I could that my children grew up with no food issues. I made sure I always had all food in the house and no food was ever banned. Seems to have worked too. Daughter is now 23 and size 6 to 8 and eats whatever she likes whenever she is hungry but stops when she is full and loves her chocolate. My son is tall and slim and eats when he is hungry. When I have asked them what makes them stop eating they have said that they have had enough so why would they make themselves feel sick by eating more. If they feel hungry they will eat again later. That's it really isn't it. Eating like a slim person 101!
Maybe you cause the binge mentality by not having the beige foods because you know that when you do you overeat on them. In effect you are therefor setting yourself up to overeat them by denying yourself them in the first place possibly. Paul McKennas book gives you ways of dealing with the cravings called "tapping" where he teaches you to tap energy points in the body and the cravings disappear. There is the hypnosis cd too which you listen to for half and hour and it really relaxes you and you tend to drift off in a light sleep but this is the time when your unconscious mind heres everything that is being said by Paul. There are many other people who do this type of therapy with cds so if you don't like Paul look on amazon for others. Its worth a try. It can reprogram your mind to cause you to not overeat without you having to consciously change your habits.

Hi hurried - sorry I haven't been on for a few days, I have been thinking about you a lot though . I feel really sad about how you are feeling guilty (you shouldn't) and that you look awful (I'm sure you don't). I would love to have you as a client and work properly together but its frustrating because I haven't yet done all the training I need to! I think you are identifying the right things to focus on in so many ways but you sound impatient to 'get over' the bingeing very quickly, which realistically isn't going to happen because as you say, it is all very complex. I think you need to try and be a little more patient with yourself .

There have been lots of books recommended on here, also Paul McKenna, or you could look into NLP or CBT counselling. If you were my client though, I would be looking to take a more holistic approach and try to make some changes with regard to your day to day life, your perceived body image and your approach to food, along with a few tweaks to your diet - to summarise the things I would try and coach you with in an attempt to help....

You say your skin is dry - and when I looked at your food diary I commented on the lack of fat. If I list some of the symptoms of sub-clinical fat deficiency, maybe you could tick for yourself any that may apply to you? Dry skin, dry hair, (or oily skin/hair), poor nails, low mood, rednesss around the eyes, constipation, mood swings, depression, weight gain or inability to lose weight....any of these sounding familiar? If so you need to move on from the 'fat is bad' idea and as I suggested, eat full fat versions of everything, make sure you get the olive oil, nuts, avocadoes and oily fish regularly, plus the Omega 3 supplement. The only fats to avoid are the 'fake' ones - hydrogenated stuff found in processed food.

Still on the subject of what you are eating, spread your calories more evenly through the day so you don't feel deprived or ravenous or get such low blood sugar that cravings strike. A good breakfast, protein with every meal and regular healthy snacks, especially when you are feeling sleep deprived. On the subject of which, if you get the opportunity, go to bed as soon as you can after the children at least one night a week!

Cook a lovely meal for you and DH at least twice a week and sit and chat over it (no TV!), doesn't matter what it is, even if you fancy a creamy pasta dish, have it, but eat slowly and relish every mouthful.(I know I said before to ban the white carbs and so I am contradicting myself but I can't tell which is the best way to go without you experimenting - a full ban could make it far more enticing and bingeing more likely, so 'controlled' eating, such as having them with one or two meals a week may work better to 'scratch the itch' but the truth is, you have to try the different ways and see what works best for you).

You recognise that getting out with your toddler lifts your mood and is an effective displacement activity to avoid bingeing. Try and make sure you get out for a walk in the fresh air, if only for half an hour, every day, this will be great for your little one too. Also you recognise the benefit of exercise so try and make sure you book a few sessions up in advance every week.

It sounds like you need to take more pleasure in life and whilst you may not have a deep and obvious passion that you can point to, finding something to do that is just for you every day would be great. Get a manicure/pedicure, or do it yourself - have a candlelit bath - dance around the house to your favourite music for 20 minutes (toddler will love this) - bung on a face mask and deep conditioning hair treatment on an evening when DH is away, get a magazine( I think you would like something like Zest or Womens Health/Good Food - DO NOT buy Heat or anyof thise woman hating piles of trash )/a good book and a nice tea or coffee and take 20 minutes out to relax and read - do a tai-chi or yoga class, treat yourself to a lovely item of clothing or make up once in a while.....nourishment for yourself...but not in the form of food .

Keep posting, please let us know how you are getting on - same for anyone else struggling with similar problems .

Oh - and drink 2L of water every day! Almost forgot the water!

Sleep everything you have said is brilliant and is along the lines of all I have learnt over the last 20 years with regard to re learning how to eat like a normal person after a childhood of being forced to diet and view my body as fat and ugly (if wasn't). I am much better now and have learnt so much. I only eat foods that I really want and enjoy and they are usually fruit and veg, fish, chicken, hagan daaz icecream, green and blacks chocolate. W
Everything you have also said is in the Paul McKenna system. He not only teaches you to view your body in a different way and to learn to love it but he follows it up with a re affirming hypno cd. He teaches you to eat what you want, when you want it, chew chew chew and eat totally mindfully , stopping when you are satisfied. As you pointed out there are many others who teach this way of eating too. Its definitely the best way out of the diet trap.

What is it you do if you don't mind me asking sleep

At the moment I am just someone with an avid and passionate interest in food, nutrition and exercise . I also feel strongly about how badly most of us (by which I mean women in particular) feel about our bodies and how we repeatedly take the approach of punishing and depriving ourselves through diet and/or exercise to try and achieve some false image of perfection - only, of course, to repeatedly fail.

I am doing a course, run by the Institute for the Psychology of Eating in the US, which will hopefully lead me into a career as an 'eating coach' to help people like Hurried, or anyone who has yo-yo dieted, has poor body image and/or is sick of the constant 'internal battle' with regard to food and body, or simply completely confused by what is a healthy diet. I also plan to add on the options of personal training or cooking, even food shopping lessons for clients if they would like them.

Sounds very interesting sleep. Has this come about from your own feelings regarding your own body?
I love food but only quality food not ready meals or total junk. I know that food is our best medicine and should be the first place we go to to prevent illness and treat illness. After all everything that we put in our body is creating our body renewal process so it makes sense to give it the best you can. I do try and avoid some things like flour in sugar in large quantities and avoid most processed food and tend to head to the natural food aisles for fruit, veg, meat etc. It is a terrible thing that women still believe that the next diet will make them slim. Twenty years later they are still dieting and then overeating and then dieting etc etc.

Rules, can I ask you a question?

My brother is obese and I'm very keen for my DC to grow up with a healthy attitude to food. I try hard to promote the 'eat until you are full, then stop' mentality.

But I just wanted to ask about your comment 'I made sure I always had all food in the house and no food was ever banned'.

For example, we always have brown bread in the house as it's healthier than white and DH and I prefer it. My DC would prefer white bread, given the choice. Do you think I should have both in the house?

Another example, my DD age 6 loves crisps. I don't ban crisps, she can choose a pack if we go to the village shop after school to buy a snack(maybe once a week), but I don't have them in the house as a general rule. Are you saying I should buy crisps and let her have as many as she wants? That just wouldn't feel right to me!

I'm sure Rules will have her own thoughts on that tumble but fwiw I think you need a slightly different approach with kids - they don't have the same understanding of the need, let alone the desire to eat healthily so until they are old enough to make all of their own choices, you need to do that for them. I take a similar approach as you - I don't buy juices, crisps or white bread for the house except very very occasionally. But if we go out for a meal or visit friends where this is on offer they can have it - so it isn't banned as such, just not a daily thing that we eat. They are also allowed small amounts of sweets/chocolate on weekends.

If they ask for the 'junk' I explain why I don't want them eating lots of food that isn't very good for them (note - I say 'not very good, nothing in there that is good for your body', whereas the wholegrain bread, for example, does have some great stuff, rather than just calling it 'bad'). In this way we have to hope that their tastes develop more naturally towards the 'better' food and they don't go completely crazy when they have enough autonomy to buy their own crisps and sliced white . Its a minefield though. People have suggested to me that as part of new role I should offer people advice for feeding their kids but I'm not brave enough to set myself up as any kind of paragon in that respect . I think the best you can do is model good habits and keep putting piles of veg in front of them!

Rules my interest isn't driven hugely by my own eating issues, I've never been a binge eater (although I do have that rebel voice in my head that says 'stuff it - I'm having the huge sandwich, followed by the cake, I don't care'). I definitely have perfectionist tendencies when it comes to body image, always wanting to lose that eternal last 5lbs when rationally there really is no need and I know that if I did lose it (and I have, in the past) I would then have to work obsessively hard to maintain that weight, which would make my life fairly miserable. In addition to which, at the weight I have in my head as perfect, my face starts to look gaunt so, as with life, nothing is ever all 'perfect' at the same time - but that is the same for everyone. I am much happier and healthy focusing on the nourishment, enjoyment and other good things food and exercise can give us.

Hi Hurried how was your weekend? You ok?

Name changed....
Tumble I personally feel that mindful eating and growing up without food issues starts in childhood for that is where most of us get screwed up when we are told that some foods are bad and others are good. Children will generally make good choices when all food is available. Yes they will sometimes choose cakes, crisps sweets etc but they will also choose veg, fruit and meat. Bread is just bread. In fact with IBS white bread is preferable to brown. The type of fibre in brown is not good for those with sensitive tummys. The best bread is meant to be Spelt which they use an old form of wheat for which is not meant to cause reactions in people. Yes, I have always had crisps in the house for my children. They don't overeat them nor do they overeat chocolate or cakes. Nor do I. People tend to overeat things when they perceive them as a treat cause its a now or never mentality. Eat as much as you can now cause tomorrow we wont be allowed them.
We generally eat loads of fruit and veg and salad, nuts, salmon, chicken, beef and duck. We have full fat greek yoghurt, honey, maple as sweeteners. Lots of seeds, oatcakes sweet and savoury ones. We then have a chocolate and biscuit drawer. Crisps in the cupboard and my daughter makes homemade cakes a lot. Both children are very slim and eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full. I love Green and Blacks Chocolate.

Hi Milly, to me that sort of proves my minefield point . I have 3 DC's, two naturally prefer granary bread, never touch fruit but eat plenty of veg. Ds1 hates brown bread, loves white - would never choose brown if white available (no digestive issues), he has a very sweet tooth and eats loads of fruit (and veg) but has very little self regulation when sweets are available, same as ds2, but dd actually doesn't enjoy the sweets so much, kind of gets swept up with the boys' enthusiasm, eats a little, then stops. So I feel the need to put the brakes on with the boys iykwim?

Also, sweets, whilst restricted when I was a child, hold little attraction for me, and I don't binge eat, but pretty much the only thing I eat 'mindlessly', knowing that I don't really want it! is stuff like hot cross buns and butter, something that was always available in my childhood and I sort of wish It hadn't been as I don't think I would have such a taste for it (but who's to say, given the fact that it is exactly that type of stodgy that draws so many of us?) .

But if u regulate and you control his food choices then when he is away from you won't he overeat them because you control him?