Bloody f**king nora. Just weighed myself and I want to die.

[BaublesAndCuntingCarolSingers]

I can't even bring myself to type in my weight because I am so ashamed :(

I need to lose 3.5 stone before the end of May (going on holiday with a thin friend) I am doing My Fitness Pal (calorie counting) and I am going to do 1200 calories a day. It's brutal I know but then so was the reading on my scales this morning.

Effing Nora :(

I also hate seeing anybody at the moment. I just know they're looking at me and thinking "god Alex has packed it on". Especially my bone thin mother.

I think so, Alex. I've downloaded MFP onto my phone so I can updateall I'm gobbling. 7lb in, what, 3 weeks? Gotta be do-able of you're committed enough.

7lbs off by end of January is totally realistic. You'll probably lose a good chunk on your first week of serious dieting/calorie reduction.

Two years ago, when I was 76kg I managed to lose 10.5kg reaching a wonderful 66.5.kg - and foolishly, so foolishly bought a new slimline wardrobe (nothing fits any more :( ).

Today I weigh 74.9kg. A mere 1.1kg off my all time high. I weigh more than my (older than me) DB, and DF, and I believe, my DM too, who all happily told me how much they weigh over Christmas dinner. Thank fuck DH is also a fat bastard from over indulging at Christmas. I don't actually understand how I put so much weight on as I only got hold of two mince pies (we live overseas) and no sausage rolls whatsoever. It's possible the wine had a lot of calories, I suppose.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Last time I had to do Dukan and I didn't poo for 8 days. I can't do that again or I'll explode.

What's this MFP malarkey - does it involve diet or exercise? Is wine allowed?

I'm 5'7 so obviously can carry extra weight well.

My main problem is sweet stuff atm. I have substituted wine consumption for cake.

of shiny.

I'm really not into sweet stuff. Salty crisps or a greasy chip buttie, however, and I'll snort like a piggy searching for truffles.

I AM NOT GIVING UP WINE

I don't discriminate against the savoury fattening stuff tbf.

I eat the fucking lot

We must be so similar, Pinot. I am a savoury scoffer too. A day out at Cadbury World, no problem. Walk past a Greggs and my hunger pangs ramp up to DEFCON1. It's awful.

And wine! I love the wine!

Good news though! Champagne and prosecco = 78 calories a glass!

I've added a few of you now regretting the cheese and biscuits for lunch and after school chomp

OMG Greggs. And now you can have a Sausage'n'Bean Slice at 10.30PM on a Sunday night because they sell the FUCKERS in Iceland

And I did. And it wasn't just one Jesus Wept. CHIEF.

Ooh is that true about le fizz?

Its likely that your scales are wrong!

I lost 2 and a half stone last year and got much, much fitter bu seing a personal trainer and aiming to make all meals third each of protein, carb and veg (I know veg is carb, but you know what I mean). I now need to get on with losing the other 3 stone or so to get to a healthy weight. I have done COuch to 5K, and I couldn;t even run when I was a teenager. I haven;t got up to 5K yet, but I can run for 25 minutes now. I don;t hate it any more, and sometimes, I feel really proud of my body and how capable it is now. (My impetus to diet came on a holiday I went on when I couldn't do some quite simple stuff, like getting into a little boat off a bigger one without difficulty).

They're not wrong, Varya! Sadly.

If you are on MFP there is a very motivating before and after pics thread. Honestly, what some of them have achieved is the shit. It's totally made me think "Right, you fat cunt..." Although I must admit that I judged the state of some of the houses

Prosecco is only 78 calories a glass? Ta ta, dry January!

Vodka lime and soda is what the suppermoggles drink.
But it tastes wierdy and not comforting like wine.

I go to the gym/do Just dance to earn calories for booze.
Does that sound like I have a problem? Sometimes I do the Just Dance after a few glasses which makes for a fun evening.

Oh I am LizzylouM on MFP.

greggs sausage rolls are lovely from iceland but since i left working for them i have vowed never to disgrace their doorway again

bingo :o

ooOoo Why? Do they spit on the Slices? Drop boogers on the doughnuts? Pray tell...

Cava? How many cals in cava?

lol pinot, no I just hated my last experience working there. Food safety standards were fine :o

chub, cava has a very high sugar content because sparkling wine requires more sugar for oxidisation (or something) but tbh cava is the only thing i drink

:o

I got a tad excited there. Gossip and Baked Goods are my 2 fave things. Combine them and I went giddy.

As you were :o

Vodka lime and soda is a load of old rubbish.

That is when I discovered martinis, however. Fuxking marvellous, and you get a vodka soaked olive to chew on.

But then you get bored, and as you are pissed you order the really sugary del boy cocktails. And then you are hungry so you eat again. And then order chips from the 24 hour chip takeaway which DELIVERS (fuck you, justeat.co.uk)

^ story of my life