When shall we three meet again? The not quite NT, not quite weightloss thread ......

[moosemama]

We were full up ladies, so we finally have our very own weightloss-ish thread!

Ha, you bumped it before me!

Next psych appt on 12th. I think she's going to discharge him...

I'm really not sure. I don't think the new teachers grasped him initially (hence the spate of emails etc, basically demanding I sort it out) but they seem to be on side. Well, seemed, the meeting I mentioned up thread was actually really productive.but then learning support called me last week and essentially said 'he's not coping with the class switches'. He's just not going, apparently. But when he goes, he's more than capable of the work (she was at pains to point out to me that he was getting high marks in the g7 class at our meeting).

In the end I just gave up and said 'whatever'. Of course he can do the work. Of course he is struggling with the organization and responsibility.

He has a dual diagnosis of ADHD/ aspergers traits, and gifted.

I mean, I'm no fortune teller, but it isn't exactly a huge surprise. I honestly thought they were going to support him with it though, rather than just do the 'sink or swim' approach. Ad of course, they are essentially blaming his failure on me, as I asked for too much from him.

Um, no. I asked for his dual dx to be taken into account when you put him in a g5/6 split. The grade skip to 7 was your idea. I wanted him in the g6 class doing the same extension work alongside his peers, not having him spend 50% of the time on g5 stuff he did last year. Because his psych report said he needs to be challenged for motivation. I guess it was just a different reading. it's no wonder the kid was struggling. He was switching from below grade to above grade, and I'm pretty sure had no idea what the social expectations were at any given point.

Um, yes. Great last line.... Oops. .

Ohhhhhhhhhhh, I wonder if the infection was the last straw type thing that triggered the sz?

It definitely makes sense in terms of higher susceptibility. I hadn't put two and two together before now...

Oh God, money problems as well. You must be beyond stressed. I'm not surprised you've lost half a stone, you must be burning off thousands of calories will all the nervous stress.

I'll keep everything crossed for you to get one of the well-paid, interesting jobs asap.

Was the childcare one of the triggers for ds getting worse?

Dh can't make the medical appoinments, as he already has time booked off for visiting the independent secondary school, meeting the LEA, EP, Inclusion Team and Senco and dd's first ever nativity.

Mum is taking me to them though, so I won't be going on my own.

I reckon I am two stone up on my lowest weight now. Plan is to get through all this medical stuff and Christmas, try not to over indulge and start again in January. I should be off my crutches by then and able to reintroduce exercise - although I think it will be a while before I start shredding again!

I am stuck between a size 12 and 14 with neither one doing anything to flatter me at the moment - and in actual fact I kind of need the diet and exercise thing as something for myself, iykwim. Not to mention I need to get kick-boxing again to work off my school/LEA related stress!

New thread for the New Year and new resolve? I am determined to at least get back to where I was, I'm honestly ashamed to be seen in public at the moment, I look so bad.

So what are the school actually doing now to support your ds? Are they actually listening to your advice?

How come the psych is going to discharge? Is it because the problems aren't MH, but related to his dx, so no amout of talk-therapy is going to help - or am barking up completely the wrong tree there?

I was told that the complex regional pain syndrome actually impairs the immune system and wondered if that was why I ended up with the infection. I think it could have been a bit of both really though, basically my body just said enough is enough and gave up in as many ways as it could muster all in one go!

I am having to take things really steady at the moment. I get exhausted really easily and still need lots of rest, but I am looking to the future and hoping I will gradually rebuild my strength. I really need to sort my diet out, start eating good healthy, nourishing meals and cut out the crap and start gradually building up my exercise. I think the key to managing all this (health and stress) is going to be through nutrition, exercise and generally making sure I have given my body the best chance it can get.

Ah, hadn't talked about childcare...

I used our occasional babysitter, who is only 17. It was only for an hour and a half after school every day, and was only supposed to be for two weeks before they changed my hours (they kept extending my 'after school' working). She is great, and really I only needed someone to be there from a safety pov. They are all pretty big, and dd1 is 13 in Jan.

Essentially, though, ds1 would come home from school and plug into electronics for the entire time. Or he would just go off. (Apparently one day he just went to the shop to buy sweets.... He hoards money in his bedroom, so I'm never sure what he's got)

He just didn't seem to see M as an authority figure - normally she only sits once in a blue moon and so they have a pizza/ movies night/ play on the wii etc. So this is what he's associated with M time, so he was locking into that routine every day. And he gets crazy if he has too much gaming. It makes him irritable, and he flips into hyperfocus and loses touch with reality. Takes him ages to resurface and he is foul.

I can't really blame him - it was a stop gap and was only supposed to be for 10 days, plus of course it was on top of a new morning routine because I was leaving at the same time as the kids for work, and I think it was just too much without anyone being in 'control'... Too much handing over of responsibility to him. So it wasn't really her fault, but I kept thinking 'it's only another couple of days' and then they kept extending it. Couldn't afford to try anything else, and no point anyway as it was theoretically for such a short period...

So, if any of these jobs work out, I'm looking into after-school stuff or older after school care for him and dd2. Dd1 is fine and will be okay to come home, but I think ds1 would be better in a more structured (or at least supervised!) environment.

Definitely new year new thread.

I think she's going to discharge because we are getting somewhere with the continence, which is what she was originally working on... And I think because we all know what should help him with the other stuff, just that there are a variety of reasons inc dx, why that is tricky and a bit variable. So she is running out of things to say! I do get it. I'm going to discuss the latest saga with her anyway (the math thing) and she might extend it a little. If not, I may go back to the psych in the city, to discuss where we are at now wrt extension etc. it's a year since his assessment and dx, so it would be reasonable to go back and get a follow up, in terms of what she had suggested, I think.

It means claiming on health benefits though, so will need to check!

Today I am strangely zen about the money thing. It is now so bad that I am completely ignoring it. Even dh voiced yesterday that we might have to look into selling my car and getting something cheaper. I've been thinking it for months. It's pretty much the only asset we've got that is paid for!!

It's interesting though. It means that if I get one of these jobs, I really have no choice, so I need to shore up the 'dealing with ds' deal before I start and make sure it's all watertight. I can't afford (literally lol) to cross my fingers and hope for the best...

Oh, you'll like this. I kinda like it. But it makes me want to scream.

The learning support woman says ds is very happy in school, and that's the main thing, and the thing we should all focus on. Sounds great.

I am unclear how this was not the priority when they were emailing me with a list of complaints about him not doing his work, bring his trumpet, etc etc. presumably I can now just reply 'but at least he's happy!' And wend my way off into the world without worrying about him accessing an education.

If he is happy at school, it is because you are not asking him or expecting him to do anything. Completely demand avoidant typical.

Sometimes he does seem to flip over into PDA from ADHD...

Anyway, I'm waffling and the dogs need to go out in the snow. Brrrrrr!

It all makes sense with ds then, new routine with the job and after school care - my ds1 would probably react in much the same way. In fact he's only just getting used to me taking them to school every morning and dh hasn't been doing it for two months now.

Going back to the city pych sounds like a plan. As you said, there should be a review anyway after a year and she should hopefully be able to come up with a follow-on plan.

Great news about the continence improvement though.

You are where we were with the money thing this time last year. We were all panicked out by the time we actually managed to get something worked out with the bank manager. Came out of there with a massively scary consolidation loan, but still felt oddly calm about it all.

Things are looking better on the horizon with dh's new job, but he's only just had his second month's salary and we have a long way to go before the extra money starts properly digging us out of the whole we were/are in. We're still going to have to sell the camper, but have to outlay £££s on it first to make it saleable. Still dreading breaking that one to ds1 though.

oh no, I am so sorry I missed your november post Madwoman. sorry about the job, hope you find a better one soon. We had a dismal November, visited by the noro fairy, movicol woes and an awful month at work.

Moose, I have kind of stalked you a bit on SN board etc so am mostly uptodate! glad that you have a "plan" re CRPS and think you will be up to exercise in the nearish future.

Moose - bet you still weigh less than me, tis the rule of the fred! I have put on a fewish pounds, as been too miserable to exercise. Now 12stone 8. But I knew my mood would plummet as clocks went back so am almost pleasantly surprised its not been worse.

TLP, sorry you've had a bad November as well. It seems everyone has had a horrible autumn this year.

I reckon if I do weigh less than you it would only be by a few pounds. I have been immobile and comfort eating.

the noro fairy is a bitch.

Fortunately she hasn't been here since the summer.

The stupid thing is, I didn't want that job. I just needed the money, and I thought I could make it work, but I couldn't. . I really wanted to stick it out, but when my pay went in, and we still couldn't afford the mortgage, and everything was in such disarray at home, it just felt completely futile. It wasn't even going to solve one problem, whilst it was causing another. I was so pleased to finally get it, thinking it would be a huge weight off my mind stress wise, but it was worse. So I definitely need to rethink before next time!!

Dd's first nativity, moose! Awwwwwwwww!

Huge political unrest with dd's nativity though. Parents are up in arms and a petitiion has been delivered to the HT because . . . they aren't allowed to dress up in nativity costumes. Just red or green tops and either black skirt or trousers - by order of the head of KS1.

Parents are working out how to flaut the edict by adding sparkles etc.

Rumour has it, it's because the head of KS1 is a reception teacher and to have our cute little 3 year olds dressed up, would detract from the reception children's cute factor.

Seriously! I wish all my worries were that important!

it's a mare, the whole work/childcare/inbetweeny kid thing. atm I just have holidays to cover but if I get made redundant then doubt I will find a mornings and early afternoon job. As I want to keep an eye on DS after school due to all the movicol etc issues< I can't consider fulltime work.

A nativity with no tea towels or dressing gowns??? how is this even possible?

daytime accidents far less, and night time improving... he's off the continence meds and supplements... How old is ds, TLP? I forget - mine is 11 in 4 weeks

When will they make decisions about redundancies? Is it a definite, just who? Or still a maybe....