Oooh don’t lose any more. You don’t want to lose any more. You’ve lost enough.

[MutherTrucker]

Fuck off fuck off.
Why do people do this?
Colleague yesterday unsolicited opinion on my weight loss.
I explained I was just aiming for a healthy BMI. It’s currently still in the overweight category.

Had to tell them to mind their own business in the end.
Why do people do this? Is it just that we look thinner if they’re used to is bigger? Is it genuine concern as colleague is a nice person.

@Marylou2 did you tell him that he is definitively wrong when he says that you'd never been very overweight? At 16st 1lbs you were obese, or into Obese Class 2 or 3 depending on your height. I just wonder what he's thinking if he thinks that being obese is the same as not being very overweight, and he thinks your current healthy weight is too thin and underweight? Is he larger himself?

I told him I was obese! And that it was affecting my health. I genuinely think he didn't realise how overweight it was. He's sort of medium sized with a bit of a tummy. The sort who lays off the wine and snacks for a couple of weeks and loses half a stone. Definitely not a jealousy thing. Also I'm 57 so not an issue of me getting a flurry of attention. I have made it clear that I happy with my current size and weight and it's not up for further discussion.

Well done.

can I ask gently, are you wearing clothes that fit, have you changed your wardrobe? I’m 9 stone, bmi 20, down from 15 and a half. And I know if I wear clothes too big I can look thin. But if I wear clothes that fit properly I look fit and toned. Which I am, and I say that without arrogance. I bloody work at it.

myhusband never commented when I was heavier, always told me I look lovely. He still does this, albeit more enthusiastically lol. But occasionally if I’m wearing something not fitting right he will say gosh you look quite thin.

guant is an insult though. Because at nearly 10 stone it will be far from the truth, so again, it’s why he decided to put you down.

I do suspect he might prefer me slightly larger. He was always complimentary about my looks no matter what I weighed. Doubt very much if it's a jealousy thing as we're a long term very happy married couple (hopefully). I was just shocked that the only one time he's criticised my appearance was when I'm a healthy size 10/12 at 5ft 8 and fitter than I've ever been.

I don't think it's jealousy so much as a loss of a feeling of superiority.

Yes it is shocking, it’s also untrue, and a cruel put down. If he likes big women then it’s a selfish barb as well.

Totally new wardrobe that he actively encouraged me to buy. Haven't changed my style drastically so doubting it's that. Classic Ralph Lauren/Boden/Levis kind of girl. Not as though I'm suddenly dressing in minis and a crop top. Although more power to anyone who wants to do that. I'm really hoping it's a one off and that it won't be mentioned again

Why does everyone always jump straight to jealousy or people wanting to put you down!?

I am also 5 ft 8 and started at 16 stone 7. I am now 12 stone 12 and am shocked at how different I look. I look slim and I really think I look small, obviously in comparison to what I looked like before because I've been big my whole life. Ok supposed to lose another stone and a half to get to my goal weight of 11 stone 6. I actually don't want to because I'm worried about what I'll look like, I love looking and feeling slim but the difference is shocking to me and quite unsettling, I'm worried about looking too thin if I get to 11 stone 6. I think I would look very thin if I ever made it down to 10 stone which is highly unlikely so I don't think it's out of the realm of possibility that someone else would look at me in comparison to big me and think I was too thin in another few stones time.

Don't forget he's used to you being bigger, the difference is probably shocking to him and he will probably get used to the change over time. I find my smaller size much less jarring now than I did a month ago. People often don't like it when the people they love change and look different. I didn't like it when my husband cut his beard off! He didn't look like himself! He has recently lost a few stone too and although he is healthier which is what I want for him because I love him, I don't actually like him looking different/smaller. He doesn't look like the jolly man I married, he looks, dare I say it, gaunt. And he's not even thin, he just looks small in a way I've never seen him look, like when someone with big hair cuts it shorter and they look small all of a sudden. I'll get used to it, like your husband will, but there's no need to automatically assign malice when there is likely no malice present he just wants his wife to look how he sees her in all his memories.

Congratulations on the weight loss, and if you're happy with the way you look then that is the only thing that matters but cut your husband some slack, it's not out of the realm of normal for him to worry about you if you look thin to him which you will in comparison to how he used to seeing you. In a few months he will get used to it and probably won't think you're thin anymore and will just see you as healthy and happy. Hopefully he knows he has upset you and won't mention it again.

Because very few women look gaunt or small at 13 stone or 10 stone. And gaunt is not a a pleasant word.

I have a friend who lost over 2 stone and looked fantastic.

I told her to get ready for the usual faux concerns from the numerous shower of Bitches who'll say " You look great, but don't lose any more weight!" This is coming from a place of insecurity and jealousy.

She roared laughing and said she got it already from a lot of women, and it's nearly always women!

Some people just can't stand it when other's succeed in their weight loss and it's their only way of keeping you in your place!.

Still waiting for someone to say it to me! I think generally weight on young people ages them, the clothes that are available in big sizes don't help. I think i look better with a little weight on me, especially now i am over 60, i have definitely got a bit jowly, and my double chin is now just loose skin. I am aiming for a bmi of 26, I have about 10 pounds to go. I am actually happy with how i look now, but I want to give myself a buffer in case I put some back on. It really doesn't matter what anyone else says, it's how you feel that matters.

Its always women! I have had really nice comments from men, never weird jealousy comments. Except from my husband which is another whole thread!

I think this is definitely it! It's taking me some time to adjust as I haven't been this slim since my teens. Perhaps I've underestimated the effect on him too. I'vd been through the same beard experience but the other way around, was never too keen and secretly glad when he shaved it off. Your post has made me reconsider the haircut I was planning. He loves my hair long so now definitely isn't the time!! congratulations on your own weight loss and thanks so much for such a considered response.

5 ft 8 women with broad shoulders and decent amounts of muscle will look thin at 10 stone and slim at 13 stone. At that height/weight her BMI is 20 and lots of women look thin with a BMI of 20, especially tall ones. Don't forget, we are used to everyone being overweight, most people think healthy weight people look thin now because we're so used to overweight being normal.

Gaunt is a word people use when they are worried about how thin someone is. My Grandma is gaunt, she's always been thin but she's too thin and looks gaunt in recent years People who love you use these words because your appearance is worrying them, not because they want to "tear you down" or "put you in your place". It's entirely possible for her husband to be worried about her and not just want to make her feel like shit.

My dad said it to me when I lost a lot of weight years ago, I got down to a size 8 but I'm tall and relatively broad shouldered, I'm not really curvy more straight up and down, my collar bone area was very bony and looking back my arms looked very thin, I've always had slim legs even when I was a size 18 and I was at the gym a lot so that wasn't as much of an issue as I had good muscle tone. I've accepted that I look best somewhere between a 10 and 12, I look slim but healthy. I never went below healthy BMI but the bottom end of healthy BMI just doesn't suit me

No no they don’t.

Ok 👍

Yes this annoys me too. I've just reached my target weight of 9 stone. I'm tempted to keep going to 8 and a half stone before maintaining. But I'm already getting the 'dont go too far' comments. I think it's jealousy. My body, my choice.

As someone who has lost 10st, this is my take on it:

I believe that people categorise you in the 'fat' category.Then once you lose weight, there's a moment where you don't fit into that category. So when you "don't look fat" out come the comments. I suspect that happened to OP. I can imagine that being a size 16, I probably do look gaunt when the last time you saw me I was a size 28. But you get compared to the old you, not what being healthy is.

It's similar to people whom you suddenly see without their glasses. Their face looks odd. But ...that's their face! That's what they look like. But you're not used to it.

I feel sad that there are so many people here having to justify their weightloss and justify that they still need to lose weight etc. Especially when it's no ones business. That can feel quite demeaning, to express how fat you still are, so that someone can lay off the concerned comments. 🙄

RE the ageing - I'd love to advise weight gain as an anti-aging tip, if that's truly what happens.😅

I can name several thin people who look aged, gaunt, no curves, no bum, etc but we aren't 'concerned' because we have never seen them overweight.

And I can also name many overweight women who look aged due to the big belly, matronly bust. Double chins and fat faces. It’s sadly a knife that cuts both ways.

the way I see it is much of it is jealousy, some of it is just shock at a different look, a lot also is self soothing, someone uo thread tried to claim a 13 stone woman at 5ft 8 would look slim. But very few women would look slim at that height and weight, it’s 28 bmi and seriously over weight. Closer to obese than a healthy weight. sure if you’re big into muscle building you’d look muscular, but slim. No. Not a chance.

the fact remains, no matter how much people dislike it. The best look is a healthy bmi for most women,