Was I wrong to mind being separated at a wedding invitation?

[Anna1mac]

I was curious and inspired by an earlier threat I read. Long story short, about 8 months ago my fiancée and I were invited to a wedding of his friend's daughter (he's paying so I guess he can invite who he wants). We were told the place and that it would be 1.30pm, for the full day. A few days prior (just over a week ago) we were told it was evening only (totally made sense, we don't even know the daughter!) Then, a week ago on Saturday, the said friend phoned my fiancée and said there's been a mistake and he has a space for the whole day and I am evening only. I cracked up. In the end we went to the evening only, together, as a couple. I feel that my partner shouldn't have even told me, he should have said to his friend "Thanks, but we'll come together in at 7.30pm". And that would have been that. I don't know about you but that's what I would have done. So - am I an asshole for being mad at him (considering I didn't give a shit about this wedding in the first place)? Plus, when we went there at 7.30pm we discovered we were the only ones coming in at the evening!! Oh, and the so called friend keeps telling me how I'm now "family" hah!

Sure.

If how you are on here is how you are in real life, I’d get used to your partner being invited to things without you.

When are you getting married?

Are you ar old enough to get married? You sound about 13.

Literally both of them are arseholes

Weird response.

pls explain. Are you being sarcastic? Because plenty of people go to events without their partner and they cope, especially when it’s an event they “didn’t give a shit about”.

If your partner has any sense he will leave you before you get married as you sound unhinged! The world does not revolve around you

If this is the way that you react to a completely minor mishap, I'd be surprised if anyone, arsehole or otherwise would marry you.

There is one arsehole and it’s not the bride, the groom, the brides father or the op’s boyfriend…

Read the context.

Rescinding invitations should never happen unless there’s been a falling out. Likewise, I don’t think couples should be split up, they either both come for the full day or the evening, not one getting one kind of invitation and a different one for the other. However, in this instance I wouldn’t really care given I don’t even know the couple. I do think your husband should have just said you’d both come together but also don’t think it’s that big of a deal.

Lol, I'm going to leave him before anything else 😂😂😂😂😂

of all the things in the world to get annoyed about this hs not one if them.

A plus one is a plus one though. They are a couple. It’s rude and bad etiquette to say one can come all day and their partner can’t! If one comes then they both do.

Exactly. And if he hadn't told you, that would have annoyed some people. Because why shouldn't he tell you the truth?

Your bf could have gone all day himself and you didn't need to go.

If I were you, I’d be very glad that my partner had been totally honest with me.
Surely that should be what matters the most?

You misunderstand the meaning of literally.

No you weren't wrong to mind the way it was done. I'd not have bothered going at that point

We've had a few weddings when we were younger with one of us is there for the whole day as a friend or relative then plus ones in the evening.

You sound like you should have politely declined to go.

Respectfully op you sound like hard work. Feel sorry for your DP.

I agree with OP - the irony of this being a wedding where a future life partner is later uninvited to part of the celebration is lost on people…..I guess you can have the final say when it’s your turn to get married, however I wouldn’t sink to their level. People expect guests to come and celebrate their special day then treat others with disregard and as people to fill a room. I think it’s at best thoughtless but can be seen as dismissive.

my DH socialises without me lots but whenever it’s an event for couples I’m always on the list. He wouldn’t go without me if he was asked to. As long as your DP is on your side that’s what matters.

We would never go to evening only events especially if you have to travel there away from where you live, as my view is that you shouldn’t expect people to arrange transport, hotels, outfits and gifts if you don’t host them properly.

Also, whilst I’m not suggesting you’re disliked in any way - I’m sure you’re not, this was thoughtless, however, I don’t always like friends’ partners but I would never exclude them out of respect for the friend. Life is far better and more interesting with a rich social tapestry which hasn’t been over engineered.

Don’t let this get to you anymore than it has. Draw a line because it’s simply not worth any negative emotion.

You seem to be taking this invitation mix up as a personal afront OP but I think it's just a case of bad organisation of the wedding.

I got married last year and a couple of weeks before the wedding I had to finalise all the daytime guest numbers. What probably happened was they realised at that stage that they had over-invited (eg max 80 sit down guests), maybe thinking more would decline than actually did. At that stage they downgraded both your invites to evening. Someone probably then dropped out last minute so they then had a space for your fiance but not you. All very messy and they should have just left it at evening guests, once they had already made that faux pas but I guess your fiancé's friend really wanted him along.

As far as your fiance is concerned 'don't shoot the messenger'. I don't see how he has done anything wrong - he told you about the change in invites, presumably he thought you might just say 'that's ok, you go earlier and I'll come along later'. You didn't say that so he waited with you until the evening. He sounds pretty decent to me.

Also being invited just to an evening party doesn't make you inferior. There were lots of people we would have loved to come to our full wedding but space and finances didn't allow so we had ro prioritise family and those we knew best. A few people did come to thr full wedding without their DPs but we did ask them before doing invites and they said their partners would prefer not to come as they didn't know anybody.

I would just let it go and look forward to your own wedding.