Was I wrong to mind being separated at a wedding invitation?

[Anna1mac]

I was curious and inspired by an earlier threat I read. Long story short, about 8 months ago my fiancée and I were invited to a wedding of his friend's daughter (he's paying so I guess he can invite who he wants). We were told the place and that it would be 1.30pm, for the full day. A few days prior (just over a week ago) we were told it was evening only (totally made sense, we don't even know the daughter!) Then, a week ago on Saturday, the said friend phoned my fiancée and said there's been a mistake and he has a space for the whole day and I am evening only. I cracked up. In the end we went to the evening only, together, as a couple. I feel that my partner shouldn't have even told me, he should have said to his friend "Thanks, but we'll come together in at 7.30pm". And that would have been that. I don't know about you but that's what I would have done. So - am I an asshole for being mad at him (considering I didn't give a shit about this wedding in the first place)? Plus, when we went there at 7.30pm we discovered we were the only ones coming in at the evening!! Oh, and the so called friend keeps telling me how I'm now "family" hah!

Who are you mad at? The father of the groom wanted his friend there all day, there was a mix up of numbers, he let him know it actually was possible after all and that you could join in the evening as his plus one. What's the issue? You didn't even want to go.

Yeah, I dont really get why you're mad at him.

Awkward. And very ungracious of the groom’s father to rescind the invitation just for you. That is quite rare, I should think.

And doubly awkward that you discovered that you were the only people who had received an evening-only invitation.
I would have felt unwelcome, or at least out of place. It must have been a difficult occasion and it probably would indeed have been better if your fiancé had not mentioned it. .

True, but I felt my partner should have declined outright. He did after I told him how awkward it was. And for the record, it was actually ok, and I made sure I was on my most gracious behaviour (it's not the bride's fault that her dad's an arsehole and that her dad's friend's even a bigger arsehole!) rest assured, when we get married, I make sure it's in Hawaii and that this "friend" is invited to the evening only hahaha

It was the wedding of your fiancé’s friend’s daughter. Why do you think you’re high enough in the pecking order to get a whole day invite.

It truly surprises me how entitled people are when it comes to the weddings of people they barely know.

Exactly this! I know neither my partner or his friend meant any harm but I will not forget this in a hurry.....

Why are they arseholes? They will have had loads to organise, I'm sure they hadn't been giving it too much attention. Glad you had a good time and hopefully it was a chance for you and/or your fiancé to catch up with people you haven't seen in a while.

I'm sure your fiancé's friend won't be bothered either way by your evening invitation to Hawaii.

It’s very rude of them a few days before the wedding to say you are only invited to the evening! By then you’ve picked an outfit, arranged travel etc
He shouldn’t have also then rang back to say oh actually one of you can now come. The issue lies with them.

The friend just sounds chaotic and disorganised and as if he got into a numbers conflict over guests.

E.g didn’t communicate properly with his Dd that ‘I have to invite my mate’ didn’t also mean ‘and his fiancee)…. Dd tells him she’s at capacity for numbers for the meal, he makes it all worse…

Why take it all so personally? Had you even ever met the Dd? Or the friend, for that matter?

Ease up.

Why did you agree to go anyway? I'd have politely declined an invite where no-one in the couple knew the bride or groom, I'd have felt so awkward being a guest in that scenario. It doesn't matter who paid for it, you should know the bride/groom would prefer not to have guests they don't know.

Have you told your partner this? Makes sure he knows he is in for your vengeance.

You sound incredibly highly-strung, OP. You weren’t bothered about attending the wedding of someone you’d never met anyway, so I fail to see why you were so exercised about there being a last-minute day space for your partner, or why you think he shouldn’t have told you, even if he wasn’t planning to attend. I also don’t see why you think he shouldn’t have contemplated accepting the all day invitation. The father of the bride is his friend. Presumably he’d have enjoyed himself. You, who didn’t care, could have declined or just gone at night.

He knows, 100%

Ok.

Thing is I never thought we would be invited! But then we were - FOR THE FULL DAY- AND THEN THEY SAID - NO, ITS EVENING ONLY ( WHICH was fine!!!!) AFTER WHICH THEY SUDDENLY FOUND A PLACE FOR MY PARTNER A DAY BEFORE WHICH WAS 100% BS!!! they knew they only wanted to invite him so WHY LIE???

I have spend a lot of time with the friend, yes. But after this and after his fake comments about me being part of the family he can go fuck himself

It sounds like the shifting invitations were made very clumsily and that was annoying. If it were me I would have been ok with my dh going without me and joining him later if it was in the city we live in and I hadn’t met the couple. You weren’t happy with that and communicated that to your bf and he accommodated your wishes. What I think is unreasonable is that you have somehow managed to make this your bf’s fault.

Why are you overreacting in such an over the top way?

Because it’s clear that only he was ever invited for the full day and not you, and clearly there was a cock up in the communication.

And what’s the need with all the caps? Are you even going to be inviting your fiancé’s friend’s daughter to your own wedding for you to get so annoyed about the miscommunication and declare that they shall be evening only.

It wasn’t his wedding! It was his daughter’s wedding. Doesn’t matter that he paid for it, he doesn’t control the guest list!

Bloody hell, if this is how you behave to something small like this, what happens when you have actually be wronged?!

Literally neither one of them is an arsehole.

Also, for context , when his eldest daughter got married 8 years ago I was quite happy to go to the evening only as we had only been going out for two years (my partner was there for the full day). The whole issue is that we were invited for the full day this time but then, a week before the wedding things started to change. So I will take great pleasure when the couple in question gets divorced a few years down the line 😂😂😂😂. My whole point was that my partner should have had the sense to tell his friend we were coming as a couple. Which he did, at the last minute, because I told him so. This is the first and last time I post anything here as none of you know how to read!

We know how to read. And if anything, the more you post the more unhinged your thinking.

You seriously wish divorce on a couple you barely know because they didn’t see their dad’s friend’s fiancée (ie you) as important enough to be there for the whole day.

Goodness me, this isn’t an airport, there really is no need to announce your departure.

Whatever. Please post here when something similar happens to you.

There have been many events that my husband has been invited to that I haven’t, and vice versa. Guess what, I know we’re two different people who can socialise without each other so I don’t feel the need to post and rage and wish divorce on people I don’t know because of some small slight.