Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Original poster

Baby not invited to wedding abroad

102 replies

DnG · 21/01/2025 17:08

Hi all, I need some advice. My good friend is planning her wedding abroad (where she lives), a 10h flight away. By the time the wedding comes round my baby will be 9 months old (currently entirely breastfed). We wanted to combine the trip with our honeymoon. Now it turns out children are not invited to the wedding, but a garden party the next day. My friend is suggesting to leave my baby with a babysitter during the wedding. I don't think I feel comfortable taking my baby on a 10h journey for the wedding to then not even being invited to the wedding. I also don't feel comfortable leaving her with a stranger in a strange place for a day. I'll be very happy to hear people's opinions. Thank you

OP posts:
MiddleAgedDread · 21/01/2025 17:10

Dear friend, I'm very sorry we won't be able to attend due to childcare commitments. Hope you have a fantastic day.
Love @DnG

Monstertruckstwo · 21/01/2025 17:11

It's a no from me.
I would never leave my baby with a stranger in a strange country.

OhTheOrdinary · 21/01/2025 17:12

‘So sorry we won’t be able to attend, we hope you have an amazing day’.

DSis and I declined our own DF’s wedding as his new wife had chosen the venue to be child free. 9 hours flight and we had toddlers!
They divorced within 3 years so absolutely no regrets.

mrsed1987 · 21/01/2025 17:12

I wouldn't go

myplace · 21/01/2025 17:13

Will baby’s dad be there?

TomatoSandwiches · 21/01/2025 17:14

MiddleAgedDread · 21/01/2025 17:10

Dear friend, I'm very sorry we won't be able to attend due to childcare commitments. Hope you have a fantastic day.
Love @DnG

First answer nails it again.

Ponderingwindow · 21/01/2025 17:15

I would never have left my baby with a sitter I did not know

its unfortunate, but you just need to decline the wedding. The couple made a choice and there are going to be people with barriers to attendance.

GrandHighPoohbah · 21/01/2025 17:15

She either has to make an exception for you in acknowledgement of your massive journey with a small child, or you don't go. I don't blame you for not wanting to leave your baby with a stranger, I wouldn't.

clinellwipe · 21/01/2025 17:16

The phrase I've read time and time again on mumsnet is one I happen to agree with, it's something like: "couples can have whatever wedding they wish and guests can decide for themselves if they can make that work"

I absolutely would not leave a baby, especially a breastfed baby, with a babysitter so far away from home. I wouldn't even be able to enjoy the day. I think a bottle fed baby could be left with dad in a hotel but I imagine she's expecting him to be at the wedding too.

Does she have kids? I'm guessing not. Perhaps she doesn't really get it as I think most of us pre-kids don't really "get it", or perhaps she just feels really strongly she doesn't want kids there no matter what. And that's fine ! But it's also fine for you to say that doesn't work for you and your family and that regretfully you can't attend x

Comedycook · 21/01/2025 17:17

Baby or no baby, I wouldn't be going....ten hours away is taking the piss

paranoiaofpufflings · 21/01/2025 17:17

If she's your good friend, you go to the wedding, either the full day or part of it, while DH spends the day with the baby. He can come to meet you and you duck out for breastfeeding if still happening at that point. You get to enjoy celebrating your friend's wedding that day, and all of you can go to the garden party together afterwards.

Or you can just say no. An invitation is just that - it's not compulsory to go.

Lots of people don't want babies and children at their wedding, it's a legitimate choice for her to make and not personal to you.

Mumsntfan1 · 21/01/2025 17:18

Comedycook · 21/01/2025 17:17

Baby or no baby, I wouldn't be going....ten hours away is taking the piss

She lives there!

BESTAUNTB · 21/01/2025 17:19

I agree with everyone else. Polite decline, wish them a wonderful day, say you’re excited to see photos.

It’s fine for her to marry where she lives and it’s fine for them to opt for a child-free day. It’s also fine for you to say that you won’t be there. No one is in the wrong.

Comedycook · 21/01/2025 17:22

Mumsntfan1 · 21/01/2025 17:18

She lives there!

Show quote history

Oh I didn't see that.

Well I still wouldn't go. It's really rude to expect someone who has flown that far to not bring their baby along.

ErrolTheDragon · 21/01/2025 17:24

3 options
Decline
Go, you attend the wedding while your DH looks after the baby and then all go to the garden party.
Go, don't attend the wedding but all attend the garden party.

Only consider the latter two if this is a place you both really want to visit anyway and you'll be holidaying there before and/or after.

JimHalpertsWife · 21/01/2025 17:26

Is it a close friend? If so, and you were going to make a family holiday of the whole trip anyways, then why not attend and baby stays with its dad that day?

CatsWhiskerz · 21/01/2025 17:26

I wouldn't go, I'd pick my own destination for honeymoon that's all about you and your little family

YeGodsandLittleFishies · 21/01/2025 17:28

I would politely and gracefully decline.

Arlanymor · 21/01/2025 17:28

Is the wedding a whole day? If it’s just a few hours then can DH look after the baby and you can then get on with your honeymoon?

Dror · 21/01/2025 17:29

I would not travel more than one hour to attend a wedding. They're gruelling enough without being half a planet away.
Just RSVP that you can't make it.

BlondeMamaToBe · 21/01/2025 17:29

I can only wonder what goes through peoples heads to expect people spend 10 hours travelling to their wedding, the huge expense of it and then telling them their baby can’t come.

I wouldn’t be going.

JimHalpertsWife · 21/01/2025 17:31

BlondeMamaToBe · 21/01/2025 17:29

I can only wonder what goes through peoples heads to expect people spend 10 hours travelling to their wedding, the huge expense of it and then telling them their baby can’t come.

I wouldn’t be going.

The wedding is happening where the bride lives.

user2848502016 · 21/01/2025 17:32

Do you have your partner going with you? The best thing would probably be for you to go to the wedding alone while baby stays with them nearby so you can pop back to feed the baby if they're still being breastfed then. The wedding is just a day, you can have a nice family holiday the rest of the time.
That is of course if you want to go all that way for a wedding, it would be completely understandable to decline the invitation.
I wouldn't have been happy leaving mine with a stranger at that age either.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 21/01/2025 17:32

Could you ask your friend to make an exception given the length of your journey and the smallness of the child? A nine month old would surely be less trouble than a toddler, and if she was disturbing people by crying, one of you could wheel her around for a bit away from the celebrations and/or try to get her to sleep in her buggy.
You could maybe either stay in the hotel where the wedding is happening or at least have use of a bedroom during the day.
It seems a shame to miss a good friend's wedding and there's something a bit special with combining it with your own honeymoon.

SJM1988 · 21/01/2025 17:32

Depends on how close a friend she is.

I'd go, attend the wedding while DH looks after baby if it was for a close friend and you planned a family holiday to coincide with it.

Decline if not a close friend. 10 hours is pretty far to travel for someone you arent that close too