Baby not invited to wedding abroad

[DnG]

Hi all, I need some advice. My good friend is planning her wedding abroad (where she lives), a 10h flight away. By the time the wedding comes round my baby will be 9 months old (currently entirely breastfed). We wanted to combine the trip with our honeymoon. Now it turns out children are not invited to the wedding, but a garden party the next day. My friend is suggesting to leave my baby with a babysitter during the wedding. I don't think I feel comfortable taking my baby on a 10h journey for the wedding to then not even being invited to the wedding. I also don't feel comfortable leaving her with a stranger in a strange place for a day. I'll be very happy to hear people's opinions. Thank you

I wouldn’t leave my baby with a sitter in a different country. Is your partner going? If so then you could leave baby with them and go to the wedding yourself. I’d either do that or not go.

I wouldn't go. Then you can decide whether you like the destination enough to go for your honeymoon and then still go for the garden party. But at the end of the day the bride knows you have a baby, knows you need to travel 10 hours and still hasn't made an exception. In the nicest possible way it's more important to her to have a child free wedding than it is for you to be there. So you need to be as objective. It's more important for you not to leave your child with a stranger than to attend her wedding. We all have a limit, some people wouldn't travel 10 hours. The babysitter is yours.

I wouldn't even consider going. Do the couple have children or will they be extremely embarrassed in a few years time?!

But the bride knows the distance her friend has to travel and has decided not to invite the baby. That she lives there herself is irrelevant.

If you it works out for you to do your honeymoon in that country then I'd leave baby with DH and attend the ceremony by yourself then do the garden party with baby. It still sounds like it could be fun and good to be there.

I would go on my own and leave baby with DH for the day. Go to wedding, all go to party the next day, carry on with honeymoon.

You can tell the bride has no dc.

There is NO WAY I'd leave my baby with an unknown adult caring for them- even if it was a relative I knew well. It's totally unfair to put a baby or young child in that situation. Even with out that long flight!

Tell her no as your baby's needs come first.

Enjoy your honeymoon in a place you choose!

I wouldn't go at all. I definitely wouldn't leave my child behind in the UK. I wouldn't leave my child with someone I didn't know.

If I really wanted to go and it was something I was happy to spend my money on, I would ask my partner to look after the baby during the wedding.

Well thats where they live.. I have family all over Europe, in Australia, the US and in South America 🤷🏻‍♀️
If possible I would want to attend their weddings. If they make an exception, that wouldnt really be fair to other people with kids. So its either kids allowed or not.
Just ask yourself if you want to be at the wedding. If yes, then go by yourself and leave baby with your partner. If no, then dont go.

This. If you want to be there OP and want to do the trip then all go and your partner can stay with the baby.

If you don't want to go to the destination and have the holiday then none of you go,

I'd decline.

You're being asked to travel 10 hours on a plane, but there isn't an invitation for your baby. There's no way I'd be happy with that.

Pick somewhere you really want for your honeymoon and do that instead.

Would you be happy to fly ten hours and spend hundreds of pounds to be stuck in a hotel room with a baby?

@AllCatAndABagOfChips They don't have to sit in the room all day, they could go off and do something and enjoy the area.

It was a suggestion on how to make it work if they want to go, not an instruction.

If a close friend, I would simply leave baby with DH for a few hours with some pre expressed breast milk and enjoy the wedding and rest of the holiday with your family.

You have 2 options either decline or your DH look after baby and you go alone to the wedding with periodic either pump sessions or feed sessions in a car etc.

Since kids we generally split wedding attendance now so 1 of us goes other does childcare and it works for us.

The choice you make is entirely dependent on how much you wanted this place to be your honeymoon location. Both are acceptable solutions as long as your polite about it.

As others have said, she can say her wedding plan decisions and you can then make yours.
I wouldn't go. At 9 months you'd be better sitting at the back and leaving if your baby is awake. At 9 months they have stranger awareness and you'd have visits to childcare venues in advance not drop and run. Imagine sitting in her wedding stressing about it!

We had this - destination wedding with a week of fabulous activities that my two children under two weren’t invited to.

We ultimately didn’t attend - but did weigh up one of us going. Could you go to the wedding alone and leave Dad with baby for the day then all attend party the day after? (If you want to, of course.)

Have you discussed with friend? We had a child-free wedding but did offer for a couple of v close friends to bring their young babies.

Just say No. If she feels awkward, that’s on her. My friend had a child-free wedding when my DC were young, so I simply didn’t go. A few years later, she visited me at my house with her toddler and during our chat revealed she was upset and a bit annoyed at one of her friends for having a child-free wedding because that meant she couldn’t take her toddler! The irony!

I wouldn’t leave my baby with a stranger abroad. Could your DP look after the baby while you attend the wedding? A bit shit for him but if you’re combining the visit with your honeymoon perhaps that works?

They said they are combining the trip with a honeymoon tbf so the trip is not just about attending the wedding.

Ditch the wedding and enjoy your honeymoon, their choices will mean some people won't go.

I also wouldn't go. Went to a child free wedding in September when my little one was 15 months but still breastfed. But we could get the Eurostar and we were only away for one night, he stayed with his grandparents. I hated leaving him but had a nice time and was glad we went. Your situation is different though. If you were going to a child free wedding locally what would need to happen for you to be comfortable leaving the baby for the day/night? Eg a family member or someone the baby knows to babysit? Could anyone like that come with you on the trip? Leaving them for even a few hours at that age is tough and if you can't do it in a way that's comfortable for you then don't feel obliged to. We also had a child free wedding but made exceptions for babies - it's a different situation.

She's obviously aware she can ditch her husband ON HER honeymoon. But it's not really a reasonable suggestion.

I would decline

Okay. When my girl was tiny and breastfed, a close relative had a child free wedding. She was the only child, as it turned out. I tried to ask if an exception could be made. I asked if DH could bring her just to feed. I asked if it was okay to just attend the ceremony and then leave (so only attend for an hour or so). It was all "no,no,no". So believe me when I say, asking to be given an exception or any lenience is not going to work. So it's best not to try, you will always be made to be the bad guy, even if you're just looking out for your kid. (This family member had a kid 9 months later and at one point complained to me about being invited to a childfree wedding when her baby was tiny... how unfair it was... I was beyond belief...).

You have 2 options and only 2. 1) politely decline and accept that you're not yet in your "child-free event" time of life.
2) figure out a way to attend without your baby.

There are no other options, you will not be given any leeway. Save the embarrassment and don't try to ask for some sympathy because you won't get any!!