Baby not invited to wedding abroad

[DnG]

Hi all, I need some advice. My good friend is planning her wedding abroad (where she lives), a 10h flight away. By the time the wedding comes round my baby will be 9 months old (currently entirely breastfed). We wanted to combine the trip with our honeymoon. Now it turns out children are not invited to the wedding, but a garden party the next day. My friend is suggesting to leave my baby with a babysitter during the wedding. I don't think I feel comfortable taking my baby on a 10h journey for the wedding to then not even being invited to the wedding. I also don't feel comfortable leaving her with a stranger in a strange place for a day. I'll be very happy to hear people's opinions. Thank you

😂

Hi friend

By the time the wedding comes round baby will be 9 months old (I'll most lovely still be breast feeding).

We were hoping to combine the trip with our honeymoon.

With children not invited to the wedding,.
I don't think I feel comfortable leaving her with a stranger in a strange place for a day.
I feel so torn but feel it's best to stay with baby.

Question

Who was minding baby if u were going to make it a honeymoon as well?
U said you arnt comfortable taking baby on 10h flight. But yet u say u wanted to combine it with a honeymoon.

The last couple of weddings I have been to have been all day starting before lunch.
I couldn’t express. And my baby was still feeding especially about 3 o’clock.
But if best friend I would go but only if the area around is interesting and not in the middle of nowhere. And leave to feed if needed.
But being truthful I wouldn’t go.

Just decline and say sorry I can’t make it as I need to be able to feed my baby and don’t have anyone I know and trust be able to look after them abroad.

She can then decide what to do with that.

If you want to attend the wedding AND you’re happy to make that country your honeymoon destination, I’d go and leave baby with your husband for a few hours. You can all attend the garden party the next day and otherwise get on with your holiday.

I wouldn't go in that case.

I entirely agree.

Until people learn to push back at these unreasonable requests bridezillas will continue to make them.

I had this dilemma a few years ago. We very politely declined the invitation. The chance people must take if they decide on a child free wedding, is that some close friends won't be able to come!

I assume baby is coming on their honeymoon?

I.wouldnt do.it. I'd.decline the invitation.

I'd just decline. Easy.

And in 3 years when the same happens to her from her own childless friend, she will be appalled that her own baby isnt invited! Thats what happens ime.....childless bride sees no issue at all with "Just get a babysitter" but is up in arms when someone later says the same to them!

ETA - agree with plethora of "Decline the invitation" posts. spend your money on a baby friendly honeymoon!

This

They have every right to have a child free wedding.
You have every right to choose not to leave your baby with a stranger in an unfamiliar place.
"Thank you for your invitation but it's unfortunately not possible for us to make appropriate childcare arrangements so far from home so sadly as the wedding is child-free we have to decline"
Thos wording leaves it open for them to decide what is important to them, without actually asking to be an exception

She does not want you there. I think she has made it clear. Her wedding is about her, probably expensive and she wont want it spoiled by a baby. I think she is right.

I don't understand why situations like this become a dilemna. If it doesn't suit you then just decline. We had to decline an invitation to a wedding in India (both parties were Indian) because it was just before DD's GCSEs and was during term time.

The couple didn't throw a strop or end the friendship.

It's a big ask! Depends how close a friend she is.

The one I like is ‘it’s an invitation, not a summons. You can say no’.

I went to a wedding with my 5 month old. I didn’t actually check the invite I wouldn’t have left him …although I’d happily had gone and sent my DH to wedding as it was his friends. To this day I have no idea if we were “allowed” baby or not. No one said a thing. Just plead ignorance? 9 month old babies should be with their parents or main care givers. I wouldn’t want to use a baby sitter on holiday.

Why do babies spoil weddings? Or children? I invited all my friends and families children to our wedding bought them party bags and let them play football/have fun outside. Children are part of families and life. Weddings should be for everyone! Children only spoil weddings for their actual parents who have to look after them 😂

I wouldn’t go. 10 hour flight with a baby! 🤯😱

Politely decline and explain why….

It’s just not possible - fancy treating you like that after such a long journey!

I went through this with my 6 month old. I wasn’t just a guest… I was the celebrant! To one of my lovely friends. I had anxiety about it for ages then in the end, I asked her if I could have the baby onsite but with a childminder in a room at the venue. So that’s what I did and it was all totally fine and I could duck out of the reception constantly to check in on them. My baby slept mostly and the sitter read a book! I asked the wedding venue to give me the contact details of their most trusted nannies. Hope this helps.