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Original poster

Hen Do - Should I be embarassed?

130 replies

VineandIvy · 08/09/2024 01:45

I had my hen do last weekend. I wanted something that wasn’t a heavy boozy session and I didn’t want it to cost a fortune as I didn’t want to put people out a fortune.

I managed to get a lovely country cottage with a hot tub for £95pp, had a nice afternoon tea with lots of homemade cocktails on arrival. My bridesmaids organised some wedding games, and I had an afternoon with some homemade themed cocktails and some craft activities planned.

I did thank you hampers for all the girls with a nice candle, face mask, chocolate and lip balm and slippers.

We went to a local restaurant for dinner, I had used the excess funds from the Airbnb payment to arrange a voucher for the restaurant so dinner only cost £20 per head.

We then came back and spent the evening in hot tub with a few more drinks before doing some final games, cup of tea and supper/cake for those who wanted it before heading to bed around 1 am.

To me, it was an ideal hen, as I’m not a massive partier, and prefer a few drinks and activities with good chat and a few laughs. However
feel like some of the women in attendance were bored stupid. They would be heavy drinkers and I guess a bar crawl and shots is much more their style, and it felt awkward in places as they sat in silence with their drinks refusing to join in the activities etc.

Over the course of the day lots of drinks were served plus they had all brought their own. They were welcome to get stuck in if that’s what they wanted to do.

I tried to work with my bridesmaids to make it a nice experience that was inclusive of all of my friends, some of whom would be non drinkers but enjoy a good meal, conversation and games etc.

But I can’t shake the feeling of being embarrassed that three of the girls didn’t enjoy the time at all. I am embarrassed that they’ll be describing the hen do as a bore etc to others and it’s left me feeling a bit sad and isolated from friends I felt close to previously.

I dont know how to bridge the gap. Do I text them and apologise if they found it a bit dull etc?

OP posts:
PlantDoctor · 08/09/2024 08:10

Sounds absolutely lovely. My Nana used to say "people who are bored are boring!"

HonoraBridge · 08/09/2024 08:10

What a lovely event! The “three girls” sound rude, selfish and immature. At least you know what they are like now. Ignore and move on!

donttellthem · 08/09/2024 08:13

Hen dos often include people from different friendship groups and that's difficult to navigate. IMHO you've done a great job in creating something that is as inclusive as possible (including keeping it affordable) you sound like a lovely and considerate friend. Leave the others be, they are very bad mannered and they'll get over it.

Lovethat · 08/09/2024 08:16

Gosh don't be embarrassed, this was about you and what you wanted and your friends will know that and be happy for you. They will have other nights out to get smashed if that's what the like to do. But it doesn't stop them enjoying their time with you.

Tbh it sounds like a wonderful hen do to me, and I'd have had a wonderful time.

Noidea2024 · 08/09/2024 08:25

Nothing to feel embarrassed about. You did what you wanted to do, and that is what a hen party should be.

I recently went to a very chilled afternoon hen do which was afternoon tea followed by a cocktail or mocktail workshop and home by 7. Not everyone's ideal, but it was the hen's and everyone respected that and enjoyed her company. That should ultimately be what it's about.

Chicheguevara · 08/09/2024 08:26

Your hen do sounds brilliant. Fun, classy and I find myself wishing that we were friends as it sounds perfect to me.
Do not apologise because 3 women had a face on them. They should apologise to you for making you feel like you should have catered to them. Cheeky mares! They can go out and get skittered any old weekend, but they should have respected your weekend.

itsgettingweird · 08/09/2024 08:27

Don't apologise to people who need to be blind drunk and raucously loud to have fun.

Just feel sorry for them.

Your hen do sounds perfect 👌

Toomanyemails · 08/09/2024 08:27

Only boring people get bored, especially at what sounds like a lovely weekend.
Assuming there's not a massive backstory that could explain genuine resentment - eg there was a ££££ extra payment on top of the £95, he location was a nightmare to get to, maybe they couldn't do the hot tub due to medical conditions, or they weren't sulking but were sad about something completely unrelated, but I'm struggling to think of anything that could justify sulking at the event.
Are these really your friends OP? I've been to a few hens and all have had a mix of personalities/drinking levels as you'd expect, but everyone has been lovely as we're all there for a) the bride and b) a fun weekend. Plus you usually get the plan a bit in advance so know what to expect.

simpledeer · 08/09/2024 08:31

I definitely wouldn’t message them. They will respond saying they had a lovely time and don’t know what you are talking about. Then you will look like the rude one!

I don’t do hot tubs and can’t participate with crafting activities due to dyspraxia, so if I were there, it might have looked like I was sitting on the sidelines for some of the time. However, I would be perfectly happy watching and just hanging out.

You were there and you know these people. If you’re sure they were being arsey because there was no male stripper carrying a tray of tequila shots, just take a step back from them. No need to apologise though.

LlynTegid · 08/09/2024 08:34

Your hen do, what you chose, you I assume told them what it would be in advance, so if it was really not for them they could have declined politely.

Say nothing. Have a lovely wedding day.

MovingTooFast121 · 08/09/2024 08:35

Your hen do sounds amazing.

Moltenpink · 08/09/2024 08:37

Did they have the opportunity to politely decline? Sometimes the organisers can be a bit forceful (not choosing a date till everyone can make it). If they could have stayed home without any drama, YANBU.

I’ve been forced onto a few hen dos in my time… absolutely hate them. The games, the cocktails, the constant having to chat to people… sharing rooms with strangers… I’m glad I’m old now.

MavisPennies · 08/09/2024 08:38

You might be overthinking their reactions. Definitely don't apologise, it will come across weird.
I've been on loads of hen dos and that one sounds great to me! There will always be someone who doesn't really like the activities but you just go along with it for your mate. I went on one where we did dancing lessons which was excruciatingly embarrassing for me (see also karaoke) but I think everyone else enjoyed it and I just went along with it.
Not everyone has to love everything and it's not your fault.

jasminocereusbritannicus · 08/09/2024 08:39

What’s to be embarrassed about? You got what made YOU happy, and most of the others. It’s not about them. If they’re so shallow that they need to get blind drunk to have a good time, they’re the ones with the problem!!
My daughter’s recent hen do was in the Lake District and they all went over the “Infinity Bridge” after having boozy games in their Air B&B house the night before!! They did some sight-seeing, and finished with a spa day. A lovely weekend had by all.

You don't have to go out and get bladdered and make an arse of yourself.

Gemmy96 · 08/09/2024 08:40

I'd be more embarrassed to be a "heavy drinker" who sulks if I'm not constantly drinking.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 08/09/2024 08:42

Why would you organise a hen do that only three for women wanted? You should cater for the majority like you did.

It sounded lovely.

Thunderpants88 · 08/09/2024 08:43

I loathe being around really drunk people. Friends or not so I went out for a meal and we had some games and that was it. A hen do doesn’t have to be a piss up to be fun and if they don’t enjoy it that is on them. It’s not like you organised an expedition up a mountain!

User839516 · 08/09/2024 08:44

It sounds perfect to me and if anyone should be embarrassed it should be the people who are reliant on getting plastered to have fun. It’s a bit like when you were a kid and your mum would say ‘only boring people get bored’. Only people with terrible personalities have to be wasted to have a good time. I think when you’re doing something like a hen do you’re never going to please everyone anyway so it makes sense to please yourself as it’s your hen do! I’m sure you’ve been to hens which weren’t exactly what you would have chosen yourself but it suited the hen (and I’m sure you didn't sit there sulking). Just forget about them and be glad it was everything YOU wanted. I still have fond memories of the hen do my lovely sister organised which was perfect for me and it was 10 years ago!

Ivyiris · 08/09/2024 08:44

This sounds like the perfect hen do.

Marchingonagain · 08/09/2024 08:45

The rude girls sound like twats. Your hen do sounds absolutely perfect. Far far nicer than some of the grim piss ups I hear about. FWIW my hen do was even tamer and we all had a lovely time 😂

FlaggyShore · 08/09/2024 08:45

You’d be apologising for the fact that three supposed friends have no manners.

You say you’re close to the three women who didn’t conceal how bored they were — is this out of character behaviour? Are they friends with one another, or are they from different parts of your life! Might one or more of them have had something going on in their lives that was making them unhappy that they didn’t want to mention?

Olika · 08/09/2024 08:49

They should be embarrassed that they behaved like they did because it's wasn't their style of getting blasted. You had your hen do as you wanted it to be and it sounds like an amazing do. I would have loved it! Don't worry about those few, just concentrate on having an amazing wedding ahead. 💞

Xelda · 08/09/2024 08:49

Sounds perfect to me! They should be embarrassed for being so rude. I wouldn't go out of my way for them again.

JacksonAverysEyes · 08/09/2024 08:50

It sounds so lovely. I wish you were my friend!

pilates · 08/09/2024 08:51

You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Sounds lovely and nothing to apologise for. Not great friends to behave like that.

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