Bridesmaids - what did you pay for?

[OliveBlue]

Mums - I'm struggling with bridesmaids and what you do and do not pay for...

What did you pay for?

Dresses?
Hair and make up?

I have 5 bridesmaids and paying for the above for them all is just prohibitive. Should I give them the option for paying for their own hair and make up if they want it?

How on earth do I broach this? I might be able to stretch to paying for dresses, (mostly as I'm hoping to get them all second hand)... though I'm not totally sure that'll be possible.

Thank you, from a mum with approximately 3 million tabs open in her head.

I only had one. My only female relative. Dress and hair, we did our own make up. I gave her jewellery on the morning of the wedding as her thank you gift.

She wore sandals she had, and obviously, we paid for her flowers

I paid for dresses and shoes. They did their own make up and hair. I have been a bridesmaid twice, I did my hair and make up both times and one time I paid half the cost of the shoes.

You pay for the dress. If you want shoes /hair to match one another or a certain style then you pay for that too. They can do their own makeup but again, if you want it done professionally then you pay for it.

And also bought them a gift (think it was a necklace that they wore on the day).

Just to note OP, don't fall into the trap of thinking they have to have 'Bridesmaid dresses' from a bridal supplier at +£200 each.

5 matching or tonal dresses from the high street will look just as nice together on the day.

You have to buy the dresses. They didn't ask for this role.

Think of it like a job with a uniform. If you're happy for them to do their own hair and make up then fine if you want them all to be all matchy and fancy with their hair then you'll have to pay. Same with make up if you're fine with someone using orange dream matte moouse thst doesn't march their skin tone then fine. If you want them to have professional quality make up then you pay.

I was a bridesmaid and bought my own dress and shoes, but they were from high street shops and cost less than £50 together. I also paid for my own make up but did my own hair. But I offered for all of it as I got paid a lot more than the bride and so it was part of my wedding gift to her.

If you expect them to pay it has to all be optional, so they choose their own shoes and whether they get make up done or not.

first time for a rather grabby friend who made us pay for our own shoes (that she chose) and also for hair and makeup on the day. Weren’t allowed to do our own. The theory behind us paying was ‘we were the ones getting the benefit of it’ but she also picked the look and we were like drag show contestants🤣 To me if a bride wants to decide on something I think it’s only fair she should pay. Second time I did it I was a MOH and bride paid for everything.

As a bride I paid for dresses and hair. They wanted to do their own makeup.

I also paid for their hotel stay.

Absolutely no way would I have asked them to pay for anything.

I do think if you want bridesmaids you should cover costs. It's a lovely gesture asking someone to be your bridesmaid but it's inappropriate to expect them to cover this and puts them in a very awkward position.
I covered dress, sandals, jewellery, and a choice of hair or makeup
It doesn't have to be expensive at all

Oh yeah. It’s all coming back to me. One of the other bridesmaids from wedding one had Grabby Bride as her bridesmaid in return. She put her in a dress that was the one shape GB asked not to be in and GB was enraged to the point she had to be talked out of resigning. I cannot describe to you how bonkers we looked the first time, it might even be outing, so I did always wonder if it was payback time…
I strongly suggest that unless they’re super body confident that you let them pick the cut 😜

Dresses, shoes , hair, flip flops , robe and a gift

Ireland here.

I paid for Dresses (rented and professionally altered to fit perfectly), Shoes, Hair, Make-up, Bouquet, Thank You Gift (a slender gold bracelet). Suits were rented for the groomsmen, I can't remember if we bought shoes, I think both would have had standard black shoes at home anyway.

Wedding was local so no accommodation costs. Wedding car took bridesmaids to church first and then back to collect me.

No need for matching bags, bridesmaids don't carry these up the aisle and the dresses had pockets.

Just 2 bridesmaids.

You mentioned the insanity of it all. Let's start with 5 bridesmaids. Why 5? One is plenty, 2 can keep each other company in the awkward standing around moments, this is why I had 2, having previously been a single bridesmaid at one wedding and a second of two bridesmaids at another wedding. If money had been tight then I'd have stayed at one. Any more than 2 looks unnecessarily extravagant. People will wonder why "she" spent all that money on bridesmaids and didn't spend more on a decent meal or "they" didn't spend the money on a proper band instead of suits for the groomsmen. If money is an issue it should be directed towards guest comfort and enjoyment and not on having a instagrammable experience. Don't get sucked into balloon arches and wedding favours and dresses that no one will wear again.

After the wedding, your guests won't remember how many bridesmaids and groomsmen and dressed up little people you had, just that there were lots, too many! They will remember that the food was fantastic, or not. They won't remember your flowers unless you take it to the extreme with arches at the church, flowers at the extremities of all the pews and that it triggered their hay fever. Guests will remember if you are absent getting photos for a big chunk of the day leading to delays and tensions at the venue. As bride and groom, you should be remembering that you are hosting your guests, be the best hosts that you can be in terms of food, comfort, music, not the best-dressed hosts with a huge wedding entourage in clothes they will never wear again. This applies whether you are having a wedding for 10 guests or 500 guests.

i paid for everything, literally everything. They didn’t ask you to get married it shouldn’t be any expense to them really!

Married last year. 3 bridesmaids. Paid for dresses (as wanted them all in the same or at least same brand, fabric & colour - they could choose the style as wanted them to feel comfortable but they all liked the same dress), hair & makeup (optional, but if they wanted their hair & makeup doing I paid), and I gifted them "bridesmaid boxes" the night before which had stuff like personalised dressing gowns, slippers, small bottle of perfume, a simple (cheap, from AliExpress) pearl necklace, a nice candle (again cheap, from amazon) etc in. Also flowers - gave them the option of bouquet or wrist corsage and they chose the corsage as more practical.

I did not pay for their shoes as they all have difficult feet and I told them to just wear something they felt comfortable in - floor length dresses so you couldn't see the shoes anyway.

IMO as a minimum you should pay for whatever you stipulate they wear - so if you stipulate a particular dress/brand, specific shoes etc you should pay for them.

I had 4 bridesmaids, I wanted one more but I worked out a rough costing for things before asking them and found it to be too expensive for us.

I paid for their dress, hair and make up. I sent them links to shoes but they were all keen to wear their own which was fine. I bought them a bracelet and earrings as a thank you gift which 2 of them chose to wear on the wedding day.

I think it’s good to pay for the main things such as dress, flowers etc and give them a choice if you’re wanting them to pay for some of their own things such as hair and make up.
However, you need to be open to the suggestion they say no to being a bridesmaid if they can’t afford to pay for it.

Last time I was a bridesmaid I paid for my hair, makeup and shoes. The bride paid for dresses, bags and the accessories.
Although I would have been happy to pay for all of it myself

Definitely dresses and for me yes to hair but no to make up. I don’t actually like seeing people with professional make up done when most times they look nothing like their real faces.

I paid for dress, furry wrap, hair and jewellery (gift). They paid for shoes (wasn’t fussy) and make up because they wanted it doing, but they could have done their own if they’d preferred.

I paid for everything for mine, otherwise have less bridesmaids.

I had no bridesmaids as I couldn't be bothered with the hassle and I didn't really see the point in them.

I think if you expect them to wear a certain dress, have a certain hairstyle then you should pay for it. If it's not within your budget then don't pick 5 bridesmaids. If you're not bothered about how they look and are happy for them to do their own hair and makeup then that's fine but I don't think you can ask them to pay a hairdresser or makeup artist.

I've never been asked to pay for anything as a bridesmaid and I would be really put out if asked.

If you're finding costs difficult then get rid of favours or cut expenses elsewhere.

Dresses, hair, make up, a piece of jewellery. My BM's had their own sandals but if they hadn't I'd have bought them too.

I paid for dresses and hair. Make up we did ourselves and they wore their own shoes. I bought them a necklace too.

I also paid for their accommodation and a meal the night before. Wedding was free drinks so they were all covered there.