Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Original poster

Bridesmaids - what did you pay for?

103 replies

OliveBlue · 15/01/2024 22:08

Mums - I'm struggling with bridesmaids and what you do and do not pay for...

What did you pay for?

Dresses?
Hair and make up?

I have 5 bridesmaids and paying for the above for them all is just prohibitive. Should I give them the option for paying for their own hair and make up if they want it?

How on earth do I broach this? I might be able to stretch to paying for dresses, (mostly as I'm hoping to get them all second hand)... though I'm not totally sure that'll be possible.

Thank you, from a mum with approximately 3 million tabs open in her head.

OP posts:
QueSyrahSyrah · 15/01/2024 22:24

We paid for dresses, hair and make up. We weren't fussy about shoes if they had something neutral / metallic already that they were happy to wear, if they hadn't had anything suitable we'd have bought them some.

Baircasolly · 15/01/2024 22:25

I paid dresses and hair. Bridesmaids wore their own shoes (they both already had suitable shoes) and did their own make up.

No one should be out of pocket from performing a role that you've landed on them.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 15/01/2024 22:26

I don't think you can really ask people to be bridesmaids and then expect them to pay for dresses and flowers if they're having them.

Hair and make up probably wont be a problem. Shoes probably won't be a big deal and if they have long dresses, they could get away with wearing anything.

HP89 · 15/01/2024 22:26

Was a bridesmaid last year, dress, hair and make up were all paid for by the bride.

Was also a bride last year, had 4 bridesmaids. I paid for hair & make up, dresses and shoes.

Think you need to buy the dress as a minimum. Hair and make up could be optional if bridesmaids want to pay for themselves. You can give options of shoe type and they can wear their own too.

LordyMe · 15/01/2024 22:26

If you get the bridesmaid to buy their own shoes then I don't think it's ok to stipulate the style or colour.

MarceyMc · 15/01/2024 22:27

Have just been a bridesmaid and the bride paid for dress (including alterations), hair, make up, wedding gift and accommodation
on the night of the wedding.

We are getting married soon and are covering all of the above except accommodation.

I personally could never ask the bridesmaids to buy their own dresses unless you were very clear upfront with them about what would be covered when you asked them be a bridesmaid in the first place. If not, I think they should be given the opportunity not to be a bridesmaid.

bobomomo · 15/01/2024 22:30

For my wedding the bridesmaids are our DD's (adults) so they are getting dresses, shoes (converse apparently, they are choosing among themselves including dictating to me the dress colours!) we are negotiating hair and make up, I said do your own, I'm going to do my own make up or one of them can do it for me! Honestly it's not a fashion shoot. No presents, they don't need any more encouragement

ElevenSeven · 15/01/2024 22:30

Dresses, hair and makeup, shoes, flowers, night in hotel.

They got together and bought matching jewellery but I had said they could wear anything they had.

TBH I think you have to pay for dresses, hair and makeup as a minimum. If you can’t afford this, you can’t afford 5 bridesmaids

feelingalittlehorse · 15/01/2024 22:31

Been a bridesmaid 4 times now

  1. paid for everything, including small gift but not travel or accommodation
  2. Paid for dress and flowers but we wore our own shoes and paid for our own hair and make up- we paid for travel and accommodation as well
  3. paid for everything including travel and accommodation
  4. paid for everything apart from the shoes, including accommodation (but not travel) and gifts

Obviously all 4 were not at home so there were those costs involved as well.

Rumourhasit1 · 15/01/2024 22:33

It depends what you are asking of them. For example if you want a particular dress, shoe, hairstyle then it's nice for the bride / groom to pay. However if you aren't bothered about a particular shoe, make up, jewellery etc then I think paying or hiring a dress only is fine.

2chocolateoranges · 15/01/2024 22:35

I didn’t want my bridesmaids to be out of money for my wedding, therefore I only had one bridesmaid and paid for everything for her. I believe a bridesmaid shouldn’t be spending money on a dress, hair, makeup etc when it’s me that’s asked her and making all the choices.

we paid for all the best man’s outfit too as well as our flower girls.

laladoodoo · 15/01/2024 22:39

I paid for it all - i only picked the bridesmaids I could afford to do this for.

I'm in Ireland though and it would be really off to NOT pay for everything

Onehappymam · 15/01/2024 22:40

Paid for everything - dress, alterations, shoes, jewellery, hair, make up, spray tan, underwear (they needed a strapless bra to fit under the dress), a small thank you gift. Would not cross my mind to ask them to cover the cost.

If you expected them to pay for anything you should have made it clear when you asked them.

Ibizafun · 15/01/2024 22:43

You pay for it all.. if you can only afford two then that's what you have.

magicstar1 · 15/01/2024 22:47

We paid for everything. Dresses, shoes, bags, hair and makeup. We also paid for their accommodation for them and their husbands. Same for the groomsmen and their wives.
We also paid for travel and accommodation for elderly relatives and neighbours so they weren’t out of pocket at all.

Original poster
OliveBlue · 15/01/2024 22:51

Thanks all!

Appreciate the useful replies.

To clarify to those asking, we can afford it. I just find it insane how much weddings cost!

And I'm also clueless about weddings and what is normal for people to pay for.

OP posts:
rrrrrreatt · 15/01/2024 22:54

I’ve never paid for my own dresses (been a bridesmaid 3 times) or flowers.

I’ve always paid for my own shoes and bags but the bride has normally given a vague brief like a colour or style so I chose ones I could use again. I’ve also once had the option of doing my own hair and make up or paying someone which seemed reasonable.

I did also have two unreasonable asks. A bride bought cheap hideous dresses from China and I had to pay for alterations which cost at least double the dress price! Another time I had to pay to have my nails professionally done in the colour the bride had assigned me (which I didn’t like).

Both times I didn’t have the confidence to say no even though I couldn’t afford these extra costs which I found out about last minute.

Now I’m older I’d just say no, it’s not for bridesmaid to fund the basics when they’ve got to pay for a hen do, wedding travel and accommodation, a gift, etc. I easily ended up spending £1k each time being a bridesmaid and I was single back then with much less disposable income than either bride. I couldn’t afford a holiday and put myself into debt each year I was a bridesmaid!

Namechange1345677 · 15/01/2024 22:54

I paid for dresses, shoes, hair, make up and thank you gifts each.

Bobbybobbins · 15/01/2024 23:00

I paid for dresses, hair and make up. They wore their own shoes (two were pregnant). I think the minimum is paying for dresses really. Or they can wear what they like.

PandaG · 15/01/2024 23:02

Paid for dresses and shoes - well paid for material, my gran and mil made the dresses. Paid for makeup for older bridesmaids (actually I think mua did it for free, she is a family friend). I did the hair of the little bridesmaids, and I think the adult ones too, it was 30 years ago so I can't remember exactly... I know for sure I French plaited the little ones to keep their hair tidy! Mum and I did have ours done professionally.
Wedding was local so no travel or accommodation costs, my parents had a house full staying over my wedding, including great aunts staying at the next door neighbours and skint university friends of mine on the living room floor!!

PandaG · 15/01/2024 23:08

Daughter was a bridesmaid recently - she chose her shoes and though the bride was going to pay I split the cost with her as they were expensive. Bride's family paid for hair, makeup, and accommodation the night before.

Son was a groomsman last year. Groom bought all groomsmen suits - groom and brother were best men to each other so wore same suits to both weddings, as did their Dad. Buying groomsmens suits wasn't much more expensive than hiring in the end!

Isthisreasonable · 15/01/2024 23:16

I gave the BM's my preferred colours and they chose their own dresses, I paid for them and the alterations. I didn't ask for specific shoes, hair or make-up so that they could decide what they would be comfortable with and they paid for those things. I did book us all in for a joint appointment at the hairdressers. I bought their jewellery as a thank you.

Isthisreasonable · 15/01/2024 23:19

I didn't have a hen do to save everyone the expense as most were travelling to the (UK) wedding in my home town.

tiutinkerbell · 16/01/2024 07:10

I have one MOH and 3 bridesmaids. I'm paying for flowers, dresses, hair & make-up. They are wearing their own shoes & whatever jewellery they like.

Tinytigertail · 16/01/2024 07:58

I paid for dress, shoes, hair, make-up and accomodation. Having said that, I only had 2 Bridesmaids.

Swipe left for the next trending thread