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Original poster

Bridesmaids - what did you pay for?

103 replies

OliveBlue · 15/01/2024 22:08

Mums - I'm struggling with bridesmaids and what you do and do not pay for...

What did you pay for?

Dresses?
Hair and make up?

I have 5 bridesmaids and paying for the above for them all is just prohibitive. Should I give them the option for paying for their own hair and make up if they want it?

How on earth do I broach this? I might be able to stretch to paying for dresses, (mostly as I'm hoping to get them all second hand)... though I'm not totally sure that'll be possible.

Thank you, from a mum with approximately 3 million tabs open in her head.

OP posts:
UsernamePain · 15/01/2024 22:09

I paid for dresses and hair. They paid for shoes and makeup if they wanted it done professionally

Pinkprescription · 15/01/2024 22:09

Several times a bridesmaid and never paid for anything but often have done own hair and make-up

SkaneTos · 15/01/2024 22:10

The bride paid for my dress (she actually sewed it!)
I paid for my own shoes.
I did my own hair and makeup.

IhaveanewTVnow · 15/01/2024 22:11

You really can’t expect them to buy their own dresses. If you can’t afford have less or none at all - it’s not compulsory to spend £’000 on a wedding.

CornishPorsche · 15/01/2024 22:11

Dress, hair, make up, shoes, jewellery (fancy gift), flowers and I upgraded her bedroom to a fancier one at the hotel than she'd paid for. Also hair trial, travel and food and drink as she was skint and I wanted her to enjoy it without getting into debt.

But I only had one BM/MOH and the cost is a huge part of why that was.

RosesAndHellebores · 15/01/2024 22:12

I think you have the number of bridesmaid for whom you can afford to buy: a dress, a bouquet, for their hair and a nice pair of earrings. I had one, her mum bought her shoes but I would have.

If you can't afford to pay for five, then don't have five.

LabradorVibe · 15/01/2024 22:13

I paid for dresses, hair, make up (including buying them each a fancy lipstick to keep) and a small piece of jewellery as a gift. They wore their own shoes (long dresses so no need to match and they were comfy!)

But I've been a bridesmaid & happily paid for my own hair / make up if I wanted it done. If they're close enough friends to be one of your bridesmaids. I'd just recommend being upfront about what you're able to pay for before anyone agrees to something they'll need to fund

milesmachine · 15/01/2024 22:14

I've been a bridesmaid a few times and had 3 for my wedding

Each time the bride (me on once occasion!) paid for
-dresses (including fittings and alterations)
-shoes
-hair
-bridesmaid gift

I've had make up paid for too but not always

I honestly think of you can't afford that for 5 then it might be worth considering if you need them all

ArnieLinson · 15/01/2024 22:14

I paid for dresses. They chose their own shoes, i didnt dictate what shoes. They did their own hair and make up.

when i was last a bridesmaid my hair, make up, and dress was paid for. I paid for shoes.

IggOrEgg · 15/01/2024 22:14

I paid for their dresses, shoes, jewellery, hair and makeup.
I would say that jewellery was an optional extra and shoes could be, if you were easygoing with the style/colour, but if you want a uniform look with the dresses and hair/make up, you need to pay for that. If you’re not fussed re hair/make up then they could do it themselves, I suppose, but I don’t think it’s really on to expect them to do that, and certainly not to pay for it to be done. The dress really is the absolute bare minimum you should be paying for, it would be unreasonable to expect them to pay.
If that’s not possible, have less bridesmaids.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 15/01/2024 22:16

I've only ever paid for make up. I've been a bridesmaid six times.

I'm happy to pay for my make up as it makes me feel more comfortable as i know it will last all day.

I wouldn't be willing to pay for hair as I'd be happy to have it straight and down. If a particular style is requested/expected then I'd expect it to be paid for.

Dress wise, I'd buy a new dress if it was a very relaxed request. For example, green midi dress. I'd choose one I would wear again. If a specific dress is required then I wouldn't purchase it.

Changedmymind99 · 15/01/2024 22:16

Dress, hair and make up.
I’m fussy about shoes so personally don’t think it’s right to choose a pair for someone else either.

ArnieLinson · 15/01/2024 22:16

RosesAndHellebores · 15/01/2024 22:12

I think you have the number of bridesmaid for whom you can afford to buy: a dress, a bouquet, for their hair and a nice pair of earrings. I had one, her mum bought her shoes but I would have.

If you can't afford to pay for five, then don't have five.

Id happily pay for my own dress etc if the bride couldnt.

Namemchangeforthispostonly101 · 15/01/2024 22:17

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to take this down now.

seven201 · 15/01/2024 22:17

I had four. I paid for dresses and shoes for one (as they didn't have any that went) and I think a pashmina for one, as again they didn't have one that went. They all did their own hair and make up. I did my own make-up. Made their bouquets. I think you need to pay for their dresses at least.

milesmachine · 15/01/2024 22:18

This reply has been deleted

The OP has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to take this down now.

This poster has a good point-from other threads I've read, this isn't the norm in America and other countries. Are you in the UK, OP?

Fullofpudding · 15/01/2024 22:18

I bought my own shoes but that was my choice. I paid for everything for my bridesmaids. I wouldn't have chosen 5 if I couldn't afford everything associated with it.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 15/01/2024 22:19

You normally would be expected to pay for dresses and flowers - hair and make up is a nice extra but if not then they shouldn't be expected to have these done professionally. If you really can't choose a dress then the only option is to give them a style they're all happy with, eg a navy blue maxi dress, and ask them to find one that suits them- they won't match but they can find their own budget and also choose a style that suits.
Sorry but if you want them to dress identically in a dress of your choosing and can't afford it you shouldn't have asked so many people

GenghisCalm · 15/01/2024 22:19

I paid for dresses, shoes, hair and make up and also they all received a gift of earrings and a necklace.

Bridesmaids should not have to pay for their dress or shoes as a minimum. Don't forget they will also have to pay for incidentals to be there for you.

If you cannot afford to pay for dresses and shoes then you have too many bridesmaids.

Tempnamechng · 15/01/2024 22:20

I paid for dresses, flowers and transport - so just the basics really. I asked them to provide their own shoes, whatever they wanted within a certain colour (all had recently been bridesmaids, so had something suitable - they all decided to wear Doc Martens for the reception though! Not exactly in the colour scheme, but good fun! They sorted their own hair and make up. We are all very particular about our hair and make up, and the wedding was local, so we all just used our usual go-to salons - I didn't specify a hair style or make up style though.

Overthebow · 15/01/2024 22:20

For my wedding I paid for my bridesmaids dresses and har. They chose and paid for their own shoes (or wore ones they had already), and we all did our own makeup rather than paying for it to be done professionally. I think at a minimum you need to pay for the dresses, and if hair and/or makeup is being done you should pay for that too, or no one gets it done. If you can’t afford it then have less bridesmaids, five is quite a lot.

user1471548941 · 15/01/2024 22:21

Dress, cover up (winter) hair, make up and jewellery to wear on the day as a gift. Shoes were their choice and they both chose to wear their own wedding shoes which I loved!

halfshutknife · 15/01/2024 22:22

I paid dress- alterations, hair, make up and accommodation. Bought a gift. They paid for their own shoes, they may even have worn shoes they already had- not sure. I made their bouquets.

rainshere · 15/01/2024 22:23

I paid for

  • dresses
  • flowers
  • hair *makeup
  • gifts
  • accessories

They were happy to wear their own shoes 😊

bobomomo · 15/01/2024 22:24

Bride should pay for dresses if they want them to have certain ones, ditto shoes if bridge is stipulating which shoes. It's fine to do their own hair and makeup, if they choose to pay for it that's their choice - if bride insists on professional hair then they should pay