Vow renewals - your thoughts.

[AlmostThere2023]

DH and I have been together 22 years this year, married for almost 13. We had a lovely wedding and have since had DC.

We are approaching our 40s and have chatted about a vow renewal. We’re not party/big bash people so do not want to throw ourselves a second wedding. In all honesty, we’d probably want to fly off somewhere with DC and possibly DP/DSs only if they wanted to come and do something small.

Have you done a vow renewal? If so, what did you do?

Whenever I see a vow renewal I wonder who cheated.

Standard Mumsnet answer

I think it's lovely but only if you've been married 30+ years. Otherwise just a bit odd to reaffirm something still in its infancy.

It might be the “standard mumsnet answer” but I absolutely agree with @Sittinginmysunnygarden

prip

Vow renews are daft. Sorry.

I’ve known of five couples who had bow renewals. One followed a harrowing but successfully treated cancer diagnosis, the others involved the breaking of the original marriage vows.

Really don’t see the point unless your first wedding was utterly shit and you want nicer photos redoing. You’re still married and still made vows. Do they run out or something?

Gold

I’m not a fan. I know 2 couples who renewed following one partner having an affair, and another who renewed on their 10 year anniversary. They tend to have big celebrations for many occasions.

Vows don't expire - if they are being renewed that it's to be expected that one party has broken them - i.e. cheated.

Because it’s true. Why else would you feel the need to ‘remarry’ someone you’re literally already married to? Somethings gone wrong somewhere and you want the false security of pretending you’re getting married again for a fresh start?

A party or a once in a lifetime holiday to celebrate a significant anniversary sounds fab. Vow renewal and standing up there repeating vows you’ve already made for no legal purpose, I just don’t get it unless you’re a celeb planning on making £££ from
selling the pictures or you’re starting over after a separation.

That's because it's often true.

People will wonder who cheated.

I don’t get vow renewals and agree with others, I’d assume the marriage was on the rocks.

You make vows for life, they don’t expire or need renewing. I’m all for celebrating anniversaries, but renewing vows is just daft.

Maybe this is the case for some, but definitely not all.

I agree, cheating is the first thing I think when someone renews their vows.

Just why? Such a naff thing to do.
As previous posters have said - vows don't expire, they just get broken.

Exactly this.

Why not just celebrate your anniversary with friends and family instead?

Nothing wrong with the two of you getting a minister/celebrant to reaffirm your vows with just you present. I have a friend in the US who is a wedding celebrant and venue host (only tiny weddings anyway) and she loves doing vow reaffirmations like this as often for couples they just want to say 'I love you, through good times and bad' in a special way without the hoopla of their original wedding but marking a significant long term anniversary.
When it starts turning into a wedding redo, like others I start to wonder what has gone on

I don't really understand vow renewals either. When I made my wedding vows they were for life. They don't expire or need renewal, ever.

If you want to celebrate your relationship/ marriage then do that, that's lovely. But why do you need to renew vows? Doesn't that kind of defeat the point of them in the first place?

But vows are for life.

Why do you need to renew them if neither of you have broken them in the first place?

You make vows for life, they don’t expire or need renewing. I’m all for celebrating anniversaries, but renewing vows is just daft.

Agree. How would it look practically? Are guests expected to bring gifts again? Its self- indulgent faff.

Even if no one cheated 13 years is absurdly early for a vow renewal. The earliest I wouldn’t think it was the cheating thing is honestly probably a 50 year anniversary. Surely the nice holiday is enough?

No guests or gifts, we’ve said only DC and parents/siblings but only if they wanted to come.

We did the traditional legal vows when we got married, having been to humanist weddings since I actually think to celebrate a bigger anniversary that renewing our vows this way would be really nice, more personal vows not the standard legal ones.

Vows do not need to be broken to renew them, sad that most people would automatically think this to be honest. People can have happy marriages and still love one another after all this time together.