Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Original poster

AIBU to expect an invite to DP Best Friends Wedding?

106 replies

PIB20 · 28/08/2022 13:21

DP best friend is getting married soon. I have been told by them that i am not invited to the wedding as they cannot 'afford' to invite me. They live in their parents annex, dont have any outgoings and he spends all his money on gaming paraphernalia. Now, by no means am i saying they have to invite me and spend the money on me, however its the fact after all these years i am not also considered a friend, which quite frankly has hurt. We go out with them, have bbq's with them, his soon to be wife is the godmother of my child etc.

But when handing out the invites told me i am not invited, because, if he invited me he would have to invite all of his friends 'girlfriends' which he hasnt done. His other friends are either in new relationships or not serious ones. Me and my DP are engaged (would be married but delayed due to covid), been together years, have a mortgage and a son.

We see them quite often and i spend one evening a week with his wife to be. Aibu to think that this is strange behaviour? I then got told 'i can pop into the evening party if i want to, but dont bring DC' (who is one and still BF as wont take a bottle).

My DP agrees and has said he finds it strange and doesnt really want to go without me. I've told him he should go as its his friends wedding and its their choice who they invite but i cant help but feel hurt and unappreciated as an individual. (The wedding is about half an hour away)

OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 28/08/2022 13:22

Does sound rather odd but also hurtful.

Clearly they do not value you as you do them.

Cantdoitallperfectly · 28/08/2022 13:25

You’ll get people on here telling you it’s their wedding and they can invite who they want but given the background I think that is a snub and I would feel very hurt.
I don’t know how you can handle if though.
It’s also quite rude to casually say to pop into the evening event.
Much nicer to explain why they’re keeping the day part low key and to a minimum but how they’d love for you to join them in the evening.

Bananarama21 · 28/08/2022 13:30

Very strange way to do a wedding spliting couples when a wedding is about marking two people's commitment together. It's very poor ettitquette. They clearly do not see you as a friend op. My dh wouldn't even entertain attending tbh.

MaChienEstUnDick · 28/08/2022 13:32

In those circs I'd be really hurt. Tell you what though, I bet it's the cheapest ass wedding going and you won't really miss much. DP will be home by 6, bored and hungry.

IggyAce · 28/08/2022 13:36

Very odd and as a result I’d probably not put as much effort into the friendship.

Violettaa · 28/08/2022 13:39

His big a wedding is it? If it’s a very small thing for family and a few best friends, I’d say it’s annoying / maybe tactless, but understandable.

if it’s a big do, then that’s really shabby.

WinterDeWinter · 28/08/2022 13:39

I think you're right to be hurt and if I were you I'd want you and dp together to say so. 'Bit hurt that [op] isn't invited given you're godmother to ds and you spend so much time together. Have we overestimated how much you value the relationship? '

I can't bear how so many MNers shrug and make posters feel they're being ridiculous and shoot put up with being treated badly. You're never going to feel the same about them anyway so you may as well let them know what mean fuckers they are.

Lulu1919 · 28/08/2022 13:41

That's rubbish in the circumstances you've to,d us about
I'd be hurt and a little pissed off !!!

Lennybenny · 28/08/2022 13:41

Sounds like they don't want the baby there and if they invite you they know baby will be there as well.

SpindleInTheWind · 28/08/2022 13:45

I know for a fact that my DP wouldn’t go to this wedding- because we’ve been through similar.

It killed whatever the relationship/ friendship was though. I’ve still got their wedding money cheque in my sock drawer!

Randomthoughts992 · 28/08/2022 13:47

i would personally be stepping back, they dont see you as a friend they see you as there friends partner, someone who is there but in the background and isnt thought of

NyanBinaryJohn · 28/08/2022 13:49

We go out with them, have bbq's with them, his soon to be wife is the godmother of my child etc.

But when handing out the invites told me i am not invited, because, if he invited me he would have to invite all of his friends 'girlfriends' which he hasnt done.

In that case the godmother role should be vacant again. I hope the bride to be isn't listed in your will as the godparent/the person to look after your son should anything happen to the two of you?

ItsSnowJokes · 28/08/2022 13:50

This happened to us. Husband didn't go and he had been asked to be best man! The friendship has taken a battering from it but he said it was totally disrespectful.

MrsMitford3 · 28/08/2022 13:55

I also wonder if they know your baby is still exclusively breast fed and don't want any children/babies.
Maybe they couldn't say it that way because she is the godmother?
I agree OP given the explanation I would be very hurt.
Were they apologetic or dismissive?
I'm afraid I couldn't let it go-I think I'd ask/discuss it again-or DH needs to say he doesn't want to come alone?

gamerchick · 28/08/2022 13:56

Nah that's weird. There will be an underlying thing you're not aware of. I wouldn't force your bloke to go and I would be taking a step back from the friendship. There has been a negative discussion at some point and it'll eat away at any friendship there was.

SpindleInTheWind · 28/08/2022 13:59

ItsSnowJokes · 28/08/2022 13:50

This happened to us. Husband didn't go and he had been asked to be best man! The friendship has taken a battering from it but he said it was totally disrespectful.

It’s awful, isn’t it?

We even had clothes organised, transport, wedding cheque, the lot - and found out I wasn’t actually invited by the bride.

JadeSeahorse · 28/08/2022 14:02

ItsSnowJokes · 28/08/2022 13:50

This happened to us. Husband didn't go and he had been asked to be best man! The friendship has taken a battering from it but he said it was totally disrespectful.

Brilliant DH! Mine, I know, would do exactly the same.

OP, I doubt your DP will have such a great time alone unless it's a very male
"Matey" type of function. If he chooses to drop out I would support him. I also agree with pp who suggested making the role of godmother vacant again. Absolutely shitty behaviour when she is your DC's godmother.🤬
Bin them off I say but I must admit to being a very unforgiving person.

Purplecatshopaholic · 28/08/2022 14:03

Blimey that’s hurtful. You value them more than they do you, I’m afraid. I would distance myself. If it were my DP, there’s no way he would go either, he would be upset on my behalf. And the damage is done now sadly, your friendship won’t be the same.

ItsSnowJokes · 28/08/2022 14:04

SpindleInTheWind · 28/08/2022 13:59

It’s awful, isn’t it?

We even had clothes organised, transport, wedding cheque, the lot - and found out I wasn’t actually invited by the bride.

Show quote history

Its just fucking rude! I would never break up families for invites like this. Fair enough if they have been together a short time but if an established couple invite both or neither. But then weddings seem to bring out the worst in people, especially when they want an Insta wedding. I prefer a good old fashioned wedding with children, old people, lots of food and drinks and lots of dancing. I can't be doing with all of the insta weddings these days.

Cactuslove · 28/08/2022 14:05

I would completely pull back from them... life's too short to be treated like this.

WhenDovesFly · 28/08/2022 14:06

If your DPs on board then maybe both don't go. If they ask him why he should say PIB20 is not my GF she's my fiancée and mother of my child and it's disrespectful that you've excluded her.

Triffid1 · 28/08/2022 14:08

I wouldn't call it hurtful. I would call it downright mean and cruel.m

Why do spend time with this woman every week? I would obviously be cancelling that immediately as only people I consider real friends would ever get that much time from me.

JustFlying · 28/08/2022 14:10

But could you even go if you were invited? You say that your baby is EBF. So maybe they didn't invite you if they don't want children there?

MichelleScarn · 28/08/2022 14:14

So at your weekly meet ups with bride 2 be, she never mentioned you're not invited?!

TidyDancer · 28/08/2022 14:15

I'm usually one who says you don't have to invite partners if you don't want to/can't accommodate them but given the relationship and history here this is extremely hurtful. I think the only excuse I would see as reasonable (assuming no other backstory) would be if they were having a minuscule number of guests (such as just a couple of witnesses).

I don't think DP would go to the wedding under these circumstances and the friendship would likely be over for me.

People do get absolutely batshit about weddings sometimes. I know of someone who excluded one of their close friends from a wedding because they'd decided to have it alcohol free and the close friend wasn't teetotal. Neither were the majority of the other guests and the close friend was hardly a massive drinker who couldn't control herself. Completely bizarre and inconsistent decision making and the friendship has never recovered. I don't think the bride has any idea why her friend no longer speaks to her, she's quite a self absorbed individual anyway though.