AIBU to expect an invite to DP Best Friends Wedding?

[PIB20]

DP best friend is getting married soon. I have been told by them that i am not invited to the wedding as they cannot 'afford' to invite me. They live in their parents annex, dont have any outgoings and he spends all his money on gaming paraphernalia. Now, by no means am i saying they have to invite me and spend the money on me, however its the fact after all these years i am not also considered a friend, which quite frankly has hurt. We go out with them, have bbq's with them, his soon to be wife is the godmother of my child etc.

But when handing out the invites told me i am not invited, because, if he invited me he would have to invite all of his friends 'girlfriends' which he hasnt done. His other friends are either in new relationships or not serious ones. Me and my DP are engaged (would be married but delayed due to covid), been together years, have a mortgage and a son.

We see them quite often and i spend one evening a week with his wife to be. Aibu to think that this is strange behaviour? I then got told 'i can pop into the evening party if i want to, but dont bring DC' (who is one and still BF as wont take a bottle).

My DP agrees and has said he finds it strange and doesnt really want to go without me. I've told him he should go as its his friends wedding and its their choice who they invite but i cant help but feel hurt and unappreciated as an individual. (The wedding is about half an hour away)

These people are not your friends, nor your DH’s if they are willing to do this.

I would stop the weekly meet ups and cool the friendship. I can also say wholeheartedly, my DH would decline the invitation.

What's dps friend like? Does he like you? Happy with his df and you being friends?

This is what i thought. Its so strange isnt it? I would never dream of inviting one and not the other to our wedding!

I'm used the view people can invite who they want to a wedding but this one is odd.

It reads to me like they think inviting you means your child will have to.come and they absolutely do not want that. If it is the reason, then they could have had a mature conversation about it.

I wouldn't meet the wife this week. Just leave her at it.

@Violettaa id say its medium sized. Last week when we saw them he made a passing comment that all of his moms friends are going that he has never even met and their husbands.

YANBU op.

Planning a wedding myself and engaged, married and cohabiting couples are invited together by default. It’s completely disrespectful to your relationship.

Different if you were a newer girlfriend and did not live together but you aren’t. So they should have included you.

The comment about you just being a “friend’s girlfriend” is hurtful also. I have known my fiancé’s friends for 9 years (some before we even got together) and consider them friends in their own right. I would be very hurt to be lumped into the same category by them as the lady who has been seeing another member of the group for 9 months.

@WinterDeWinter it has made me feel awful to be honest. DP has offered to stay home as he doesnt want to go without me.
Anyone who knows me wouldnt say i am exactly passive and it has been discussed with them about the way it has made me feel but they just reiterated the 'no plus one' policy at their wedding, clearly just seeing me as a 'plus one' rather than a freind. I just know if DP doesnt go it will be discussed amongst the friendship group and i will be made out to be a villian. I dont want to ruin their friendship.

@TwoCoffeesPlease this was my point entirely. That after so long they dont consider me as a friend in my own right. I would never dream of doing what they are. Starting to realise where i stand with them.

You’re virtually married - been together for years, mortgage, child, see them weekly etc. I think that’s rude. It would be different if you were a new girlfriend and/or didn’t know the happy couple but you’re good friends with them.

You see the bride once a week, she is godmother to your child and you see them as a couple all the time and they are not inviting you as ‘girlfriends’ are considered a waste of an invite.
I am curious to why you are more bothered by the groom not inviting you, rather than the bride who sounds like she was a close friend.
This whole thing is weird, if they don’t want the baby there they should just say but realistically they obviously see you as DP’s person rather than a separate close friend so they should be treated accordingly.

Personally id be cutting the friendship completely but if your DP wants to keep the friendship id say he goes to the actual wedding and then comes home and not attend the reception and if asked why tells them he doesnt want to go without his long term partner

DP's BF's finances are none of your business. There are many cost, social and venue reasons a couple might limit guest numbers at their wedding , and they've given theirs which is perfectly normal . They are inviting immediate friends only, without their partners. It doesn't matter WHY; it's their choice.

It is weird and hurtful OP. You are right.

MN can be a bit strange about weddings sometimes but I'm glad people are saying where you're coming from.

I would be gutted that the godmother to my child doesn't consider me a close enough friend to receive an invitation. It's not about being DP's 'plus one' at all. And for them to say that is shocking tbf.

What like the groom’s mum’s friends that he’s never met and their husbands?

Sounds like a hoot.

Be less available.. In fact aren't you going away their wedding wee end?
To celebrate dcat /dhamster /ddogs birthday
.

Yanbu. Fuck that.

The groom's Mum's friends and their husbands are invited.

This friendship is over.
No point in your dp going really.

Who cares what anyone says. I'm sure they will be commenting on g&b's appalling behaviour anyway.

@Crimeismymiddlename the bride is from another country. He basically planned the wedding and the guest list before she moved here a few months ago. Obviously ive met her previously when she has been to the UK to see him. Ive spent quite a bit of time with her the past few months. The Godmother situation is a whole different ball game. We had asked him to be godfather, instead of saying he didnt want to because he wasnt religious and didnt feel comfortable with it, he had asked her to take the role from him. Me being me, went along with it because i quite like her and didnt want to sound horrible if i said i didnt want her to be (we had other godparents too which are family) plus this all happened two days before the Christening!

This is very strange and selfish behaviour. They are letting you know how they feel about you and your friendship

Dh should go to the ceremony and then return home. Not to the actual reception or party. I don't attend weddings when dh isn't asked as I know it's to save money but to me why would I celebrate someone's marriage when they don't acknowledge my own.

You have every right to feel hurt.

You're not just his best friend's girlfriend you, from what you describe, appear to be a good friend of the couple getting married.

Obviously you can't control who they invite but ud certainly be cooling off on the ongoing social engagements and seeing his fiancee each week. They clearly aren't really friends.

It’s very odd, he doesn’t value friends with you and your DP at all. I think your DP is right not to go.

Odd and hurtful yes, because you clearly are a friend of her, and you are his BF’s long term partner.

Are they just a bit useless socially? If not I would be reconsidering how much effort I made with them, and I am not at all a flouncer.

Sounds like the groom's Mum is paying a (big) chunk towards the wedding, hence all the invitations for her friends etc.
And sadly, they do indeed view you as just a 'plus one' rather than a friend. Perhaps it's time for you to pull back to exactly that. And let the wedding present reflect that too; after all, plus ones aren't expected to be big gift givers, are they?

"he had asked her to take the role from him. Me being me, went along with it because i quite like her and didnt want to sound horrible if i said i didnt want her to be"

What on Earth?! * *That's completely bonkers - you really should have said no to this.

Honestly I would start to distance myself right now.

You are right to be hurt and passed off op. If your dp is ok with not going then I would go with that plan. I would expect things to change afterwards and would definitely be less available if at all to his wife for meet ups from now on.

Also if they do talk to others about this more people will see this from your point of view rather than theirs.