AIBU to expect an invite to DP Best Friends Wedding?

[PIB20]

DP best friend is getting married soon. I have been told by them that i am not invited to the wedding as they cannot 'afford' to invite me. They live in their parents annex, dont have any outgoings and he spends all his money on gaming paraphernalia. Now, by no means am i saying they have to invite me and spend the money on me, however its the fact after all these years i am not also considered a friend, which quite frankly has hurt. We go out with them, have bbq's with them, his soon to be wife is the godmother of my child etc.

But when handing out the invites told me i am not invited, because, if he invited me he would have to invite all of his friends 'girlfriends' which he hasnt done. His other friends are either in new relationships or not serious ones. Me and my DP are engaged (would be married but delayed due to covid), been together years, have a mortgage and a son.

We see them quite often and i spend one evening a week with his wife to be. Aibu to think that this is strange behaviour? I then got told 'i can pop into the evening party if i want to, but dont bring DC' (who is one and still BF as wont take a bottle).

My DP agrees and has said he finds it strange and doesnt really want to go without me. I've told him he should go as its his friends wedding and its their choice who they invite but i cant help but feel hurt and unappreciated as an individual. (The wedding is about half an hour away)

I would say the same.

Thats very strange their paying for people they don’t know and won’t invite you.

@PIB20 Yeah it was very sad...we'd all met when we worked together, we were all very close and myself and my husband were there the night he met his wife! She was a good 7 years younger than the 3 of us, and I think she was jealous of the friendship...hence why we weren't invited.

That was 20 years ago now. A few text messages have been exchanged since and my husband did attend the groom's brother's funeral a couple of years ago...since then their marriage has ended.

I would be hurt as well op. I would drop the weekly meet ups with them that's for sure and don't choose them to play any role in your child life. I'm interested to hear what your Dh thinks about it?

Oh lord we had one of these as well.

Again it was the lateness of the ‘uninvitation’ and the rudeness around it that was annoying. You don’t ‘clarify’ that people who were invited by telephone or a card are not in fact invited a few days before the wedding, because the bride’s mother has twigged that people who have lived together for 15 years are ‘just boyfriends and girlfriends really, aren’t they?’

So no-one went.

@PIB20 I don't wish to upset you even more but the fact that your DP was handed a paper invite in a somewhat secretive manner only 2 weeks prior to the ceremony rings alarm bells with me.

Are you sure DP was invited initially? 2 weeks prior sounds more to me like filling a vacancy when someone drops out where weddings are concerned. Invites are normally sent out weeks before and the B & G normally - and understandably - make a big thing of officially inviting people.🤔

Sorry but I wouldn't trust them as far as I could throw them. As others have suggested, if DP feels he has to go then I would suggest he heads for home directly after the ceremony.

Sounds to me like you are his wife to be’s friend so not really ‘just’ a partner as such. I think in these circumstances I think it would be ok for your hubby to Miss wedding too.

If you wanted to make a stand you could attend the ceremony. Technically in the UK you're not allowed to bar anyone from the ceremony in case they "know of any legal impediment " .

Apart from church weddings, where you sometimes get a couple of random people in the congregation , I've not known of uninvited people attending out of courtesy.

Really odd!
If I were DP I would be wondering what the hell is going on.
They must have something else going on, or it's just a nasty snub!

How strange people can be.
Also I hate when people invite you as a token, knowing full well you wouldn't and couldn't leave a breastfed baby behind!

Honestly I think your dp is right and should not go to their wedding either. What a horrible thing to do to someone. I would be very hurt but also very very busy for the next while and not see these people in a social setting.

I'd stop spending an evening a week with her for a start.

I'd rather spend my free time with a friend.

No that's both weird and disrespectful

We got married last year on the original weekend of freedom that was then partly kept going. We had to jiggle numbers but I wouldn't have said girlfriends/boyfriends can't come and definitely wouldn't have excluded a god child however small.
In fact, our niece introduced her boyfriend to the family for the first time at our wedding, they had been seeing each other for ages but obviously due to Covid had been stuck down the country. We didn't mind at all and 18 months on they're still a couple so he's been added to the family now

Good on your DP for standing up for you. If he doesn't go and they barely make a fuss that will tell you all you need to know on how they see you.

What? He didn't want to be godfather so he 'transferred' it to his DP?!?!? WTF? Why did you accept that?

As for the invitation, I think they're being incredibly hurtful and rude. There is no way I'd pop in for the evening do. That's not an invitation.

I'd be taking a massive step back. Wow.

Maybe pop to the evening reception in a white dress op..?

They keep asking us to go for days out so they arent ignoring us which is why i find it even more strange.

Hard no to that. They're banking on you being polite and them not being. Find your boundaries.

These trips out op - do you pay more than your share? Do the driving? Watch their dc ? Could they have motive for spending time with you?

I don’t think she views you as a friend. She was talked into being godparent by her fiancé. You haven’t known each other long. She maybe views you as her “fiancé’s best friend’s girlfriend” iyswim.

He sounds like an bit of an oddball and maybe he lacks social graces.

Therefore, I wouldn’t take it as a snub necessarily. It could just be a difference in outlook.

I wouldn’t be entertaining them any more tbh.

when I was married to my first DH (for 19yrs I will add too) my cousin got married and only invited me. I asked if +1’s were allowed, not expecting the answer to be “no”, but it was indeed no. When I found out that she had invited all of the other cousins partners, included some who had been together for under a year, I declined the invited and haven’t spoken to her since. I think it’s the sort of thing that’s unforgivable tbh

If he’s happy to transfer God parent duties and also not inviting you to the wedding he won’t really mind if your DP doesn’t go, as it sounds like he has no awareness of social etiquette at all.

His gaming, living in the annex, the bride having no say in arranging her wedding, how odd. How did he meet her, did she never mention your invite or object to being Godparent?

I would definitely step back, does your DP have other friends?

This is just weird. I can't even work out what would lie behind this behaviour.

Perhaps it's a "no ring, no bring" wedding like Pippa Middleton's ?
Vogue Williams, now Pippa's sil wasn't invited as she wasn't engaged to Spencer.
But you appear to have had your wedding plans cancelled due to Covid, so probably "officially" engaged and you have a child.
You were also close enough to invite the groom to be godfather.
And the bride is godmother. FFS.
Just downright rudeness imho.
Re your dc not being asked, I don't have a problem with that.
I think your dh should take a stand and not go.

OP says she's engaged in her OP - wedding delayed due to covid.

Aren't they going to look stupid not inviting op?