I really wanted to get married but...

[fightforIt1]

I have finally found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. (This situation doesn't change this).
We are really happy, lived together for 4/5 years, had fabulous holidays, we are always laughing, make financial investments together. We have always said we wanted to get married and have children and I was really looking forward to it. However time was moving on and he didn't propose. When I brought it up (which has only been a few times) he would always say the time had to be right for him.
Due to our age we decided to stop taking contraception thinking it may take a while to get pregnant but you guessed it bam! Straight away...... we are both thrilled about the baby but I have now found out he had bought a ring and planned a trip away to propose. This all seems fine but its really changed my view on things. I don't want to get engaged whilst pregnant as it feels like a 'he had to situation' and I really feel that I would want our child to be at least 5/6 (quite independent) for me to relax enjoy our wedding (not picking up etc).
He said the time has to be right for him but now it isn't right for me.... is it reasonable for me to ask him to wait and see how i feel over the next few years or should we just pop to the registry office and get it done?

Book the register office and venue and tell him to just turn up.

YABU just get married...cheaply if necessary.

YABU to think the actual wedding day is important at all, such that you would wait 5-6 years lol. The legal status is what matters for the commitment it shows and tax advantages long term.

Just pop to the registry office. Once children are in the picture there will be so many other things to prioritise over a wedding. Marriage, not a wedding, is the important thing.

If you don't get married now before the baby, you'll be posting on here five years from now with two kids, a part time job, no security and wondering why he won't marry you.

Congratulations! My thoughts are to get married ASAP. Completely up to you, but I wouldn’t wait if I was in your shoes.

Bang on!

I’m not entirely sure I like the sound of your relationship, but if you actually see a future with this man snd want to raise your child together, just marry him now. No need for anything more than two witnesses and a register office unless you want. That’s what we did.

I'd be concerned that the marriage is all about him - he doesn't seem to care what you want as long as its right for him. That's a special kind of selfish in my book.

Get married now.

It's still romantic and not a 'he has to' thing, but a 'we're starting a family and fully committed' thing. Which is a lovely thing.

You missed the opportunity for the traditional no kids marriage first wedding.
But you can do the we're married and having a baby thing if you get a move on.

Marriage is about commitment and legal protection and a public statement, why wait 5 years for those essential things when you are having a baby.

Yep.

Dangerously maybe women you meet have those sort of aspirations but I can't say I have met many who are that focused on one day ... and looking at threads on Mumsnet over the many years I have been on here it is very clear that a legal, binding ceremony is far more important than having 'the day of your dreams'. I would be very disappointed if my DC felt one 'magical' expensive day was so important.

it feels like a 'he had to situation'

Even when the child is here it's still going to potentially be perceived that way by some - though I don't really get it myself in cases where the couple have been together for years. In my case, we thought it'd take ages to conceive and it was quick so it's now the situation that we're getting married when our child is one year old. I think it would have been better to get married when pregnant as you can just focus on the two of you. Sure you could put it off until the child or children (if you plan more) are older but then like others say marriage brings protections if something were to happen to one of you in the meantime.