Kid free wedding - opinions

[Legasss123]

Hi, my partner and I are planning a wedding and when we created a rough guest list and we counted the amount of kids that would potentially be attending and safe to say it was a lot!
we decided maybe it would be best to have a child free wedding. one, because the venue is quite formal and two, it’s expensive even to add one kid on!
now, the problem isn’t my side of the family it’s the in-laws.. my FH just voiced to his mother what we were thinking of doing and her first words were “your sister will kick off” now this took me by surprise as I thought, why is your first thought not your son who’s getting married and his wishes? But I kept my mouth shut.
she told us do what we want but prepare for a kick off and that his sisters won’t come which will cause others not to come and big fall outs.
We have tried to think of everything, even just having immediate family children but that adds up to 10 kids alone which I still think is a lot and from previous parties I’ve been to his sisters let their kids run round and do their own thing.
I completely understand people get offended when you don’t invite kids to a wedding and I’m not saying I don’t love my nieces and nephews, we both do but I can’t just invite the kids of the ones I’m worried will kick off and then stand by the “no kid rule” to my side of the family and I know that’s what my MIL wants me to do I just don’t think that’s fair.
sorry for the rant from a confused, slightly annoyed bride to be 🙃

We invited nieces and nephews - and was never a question we wouldn't but equally no one else attending , despite many having young children expected their children to be invited. In both my DH and my family our nieces and nephews are very much part of but not the centre of all family gathering.
But you need to decide 1) what you want and 2) if one day is worth poor relationships with your families.

Non direct family kids should never be expecting to attend imo.

I love a child free wedding. Other peoples children are the worst quite frankly.

Just don’t be offended if people cannot make it

(or come on here to slag you off)

Another thing I would say is don't opt for a child free wedding then when people decline to come decide their kids can come. We're travelling to more or less the other end of the country to go to the wedding of our good friends (destination wedding, they don't live their), they told us early on they weren't having children as they worked out there would be more kids than adults, fair enough. It has meant that family are coming with us to look after our children whilst we're at the wedding. I've since found out that everyone that either had a moan or originally declined the invite are now bringing their kids which has pissed me off.

It's tricky. I see what you're saying but child free weddings are a PITA. Easier to give people the option. Not everyone has childcare so don't make it awkward if people can't attend.

I’ve got 2 under 5 and I bloody love a child free wedding! Yes there might be some that have to decline if they don’t have childcare but as long as you’re willing to accept that then crack on, and that doesn’t apply to SIL anyway by the sounds of it. Immediate family kids only would also be fair compromise, I’m a bridesmaid in a wedding soon where my kids aren’t invited but the couples nieces are (3 of them total) and I’m not remotely offended or upset, but only go down that route if you want to.

I had a kid free wedding for exactly the same reasons as you. Do be prepared for se not come due to childcare issues etc.

But I have zero regrets

I had a child free wedding and we are going to three this year (we have 2 DC who are 2 and 9 months)

However we have had to decline another invite this year as we couldn't get childcare - my parents are invited and in laws are on holiday.

I would also be a bit pissed off if my brother/sister got married and my kids weren't invited...

But ultimately it's your wedding so you have to do whatever makes you happy

The one thing that annoys me is when the invite comes suggesting that as a benifit to me they are having a child free wedding. By all means, dont invite my kids, but it is a major PITA.

I think if you can't afford to have your close family there (nieces etc) then you're planning a wedding you can't afford.

In 20 years’ time, I bet you’ll have lost contact with most, if not all, of the friends who were at your wedding, including bridesmaids and groomsmen, but your nieces and nephews and in-laws will still be your family.

It’s fashionable to prioritise friends over family at weddings now. I think it’s a mistake.

I went to a 40th wedding anniversary party recently. Guess who were able to reminisce with the couple.

This is really really sad if it’s the case and not representative of real life for me at all

I don't know why people think children enjoy weddings!! There is nothing for them to do. They can't run around. They can't make noise. They can't be children. I would definitely talk to his sisters and explain your reasons but my batsense is telling me this is more about your fmil's attitude than what his sisters may think. Do your wedding your way!

We had children of very close family only and it was fine, I certainly wasn’t inviting every child we know! Everyone else got childcare and had a drink and a dance 💃 🕺. Do what you like OP!

Child free wedding all the way for me and I would give 2 hoots who got offended !!

Although my aunt recently got married and the children where invited but had to leave at 7pm which worked ok

I wanted to go child free but then I realised it wasn’t worth the hassle and honestly I didn’t even notice the children there!

I opted for “close family children only” so basically the nieces and nephews. They were good as gold and like I said you won’t notice them being there as you’ll be so busy and enjoying your day.

You either state it’s an adult only wedding and face the brunt of it, or embrace it. Now I’ve got my own children I realise it would have been silly not to allow children to come in the first place.

We did family kids only

OP you need to accept you can’t have it both ways. If you choose to have no children at your wedding, some family members may choose not to attend. You get to make your choice, they get to make theirs, which is absolutely fair enough - people are allowed to decline invitations that don’t suit them.

Both my DB, my DS and DH Brother have got married, neither would have considered not including my DC, in fact they were bridesmaids for 2 of the weddings but too young to participate for the first one.

Where I have been to child free weddings babies in arms and the children of the bride and grooms siblings have always been included.

It seems very strange to exclude members of your immediate family from your wedding.

Distant relatives and friends no problem going without the DC

My friends have all had child free weddings,it's quite normal. It has never bothered me or DH that our children were not invited. However a family wedding is different. Who would you expect to mind your families children as presumably they would all be at the wedding. It doesn't cost that much for a kids meal in fairness.

Personally I think you should invite the 10 children of immediate family.

I think people who “don’t do” child free weddings are pathetic and people who get offended if their children aren’t invited to friends’ weddings aren’t much better. In my opinion it is different if it is family, because in the same way you would invite your sister because she is family, surely you invite your niece because she is family.

whereas with friends, you invite your friend because they’re your friend, but you would invite their child for your friend’s convenience not because of yo yes relationship with that child.

*your relationship

But its family wedding this time if you want child free thats of course your choice, but you cant compare her leaving her kids for her friends wedding and her children not being invited to their uncles wedding, honestly I'd make it a family children only wedding and make sure you have lots of activities to keep them occupied. We had our wedding Saturday and had loads of kids there it does make it some what more to handle but we wouldn't of had it any other way but completely each to their own

I would invite the ten children of immediate family.

It never even crossed my mind not to invite children to my wedding. However, it wasn’t a traditional formal do, numbers weren’t a problem and we ensured that there was enough to keep them occupied without getting bored for as long as their parents wanted to stay. Perfect weather helped too.

I see a wedding as joining 2 people into each other’s immediate families hence why I think nieces and nephews should be invited. I don’t see the need to invite friends children or other family members children but nieces and nephews should be invited. Pretty shit if they aren’t invited.

Personally, if my children weren’t invited to my siblings wedding then we wouldn’t be going , we have been to plenty of children free weddings and they have been bliss but a niece and nephew are important people in my family.,

I think it's your wedding so you have who you want.

However you have to understand that many people don't have childcare or don't want to leave their children and will not attend.

I also think that if guests are nasty about it then perhaps they should offer to pay for their kids meal which is often uneaten and a waste of money for the bill payer of the wedding.