Kid free wedding - opinions

[Legasss123]

Hi, my partner and I are planning a wedding and when we created a rough guest list and we counted the amount of kids that would potentially be attending and safe to say it was a lot!
we decided maybe it would be best to have a child free wedding. one, because the venue is quite formal and two, it’s expensive even to add one kid on!
now, the problem isn’t my side of the family it’s the in-laws.. my FH just voiced to his mother what we were thinking of doing and her first words were “your sister will kick off” now this took me by surprise as I thought, why is your first thought not your son who’s getting married and his wishes? But I kept my mouth shut.
she told us do what we want but prepare for a kick off and that his sisters won’t come which will cause others not to come and big fall outs.
We have tried to think of everything, even just having immediate family children but that adds up to 10 kids alone which I still think is a lot and from previous parties I’ve been to his sisters let their kids run round and do their own thing.
I completely understand people get offended when you don’t invite kids to a wedding and I’m not saying I don’t love my nieces and nephews, we both do but I can’t just invite the kids of the ones I’m worried will kick off and then stand by the “no kid rule” to my side of the family and I know that’s what my MIL wants me to do I just don’t think that’s fair.
sorry for the rant from a confused, slightly annoyed bride to be 🙃

I think its shitty to exclude neices and nephews they are family children. Totally different to friends children, most people just have children that are part of the family. I wouldn't attend if my dc weren't invited.

When my children were small I never attended child free weddings because dh lodged away from home in the week and I also worked unsociable hours so I used a lot of favours with regard to childcare just to work, plus the family time we did get at weekends was very precious due to this. I just politely declined. This was for friends and extended family members though.

I would have been very hurt though to have been excluded (and my children excluded) from a close family wedding eg a sibling. It would speak volumes about what was more important to them.

I do agree on it being your wedding so plan the day your way, however you do need to acknowledge its a huge statement about who is important to you if you throw big wedding and leave some family members out. Children of your dhs sister are normally classed as close family. They are the same level of relationship as your dhs aunts and uncles. If they were adults, you'd expect an invite to a big wedding of theirs.

Going childfree that includes children related to you is a statement about not viewing them as particularly important and not wanting a relationship with them. Which is fine if you feel that way, but also something that will have long term consequences to your relationship to those people.

Basically, dont do or say anything to your future inlaws that you'll regret over Christmas Dinner for the next decade.

I think it's worth pointing out that not everyone is as close to family members as would be expected based on how that person is technically related to them. I get the impression this perhaps isn't relevant to the OP, but a lot of people seem to assume that everyone is automatically super close to their siblings or cousins, and therefore by default their children, simply because of who they are to them and that is not always the case.

I have a brother, who I am not very close to and we haven't seen each other for quite a few years. There is no animosity, just he lives abroad, the one parent we share died a long time ago, there's quite a big age difference and we've never been close. I have invited him to my wedding, but not his child, who I met once as a baby 5 years ago – even though she is my niece. I have invited my other niece and nephew, whose parents we are both very close to (no other children, so I guess semi child-free). I would like to get to know my other niece, but the place to begin that process is not my wedding day. As far as I am aware my brother is coming to the wedding without her, no problem or questions asked.

Just wanted to point out that closely related does not always mean close, even if there is zero animosity or drama involved :)

No problem at all with excluding kids, I'm planning mine and it's childfree until the night do with the exemption of my teen dds.

I have been to may of my friends events (I was the first one to have kids so mine are older now) and not one of them invited my children to their weddings, which was fine, indeed I engaged with the celebration more and could enjoy myself.

Kids don't want to go to a wedding, it's a long boring day for them.

Certain people may not be able to source childcare and attend, that's life I'm afraid. For me my wedding is super low key on a par with a significant birthday celebration and not a large affair, it's a registry office then hiring out a bar for the afternoon / evening. There would be nothing for small children there

I've been to child free wedding and also wedding where children are included.
It very much depends on the families involved.

I know one woman who was strictly no-kids at her wedding. Not even her own nephew. Massive fallout obviously, but then a few years later she herself was outraged that her toddler wasn't invited to her cousins' child free wedding. So only have a child-free one if you in the future will happily leave your baby at home. Understand that people may choose to not attend. And possibly also accept that your decision to do this may cause permanent discord with some family. That's on them but sometimes you do have to make occasional compromises if you also want family harmony. If you aren't bothered then crack on.

We all have kids so are including them in ours. We've got a section of the venue set up with childrens entertainment because we know that weddings can be boring for kids. And even then, there's babysitters from 7pm so that after the meal and a bit of dancing, their parents can send them to bed and continue the party if they want.