What makes a wedding special for guests?

[woohoo54]

I'm getting married next year, hopefully outdoors (but with an indoor option if it rains) at a venue solely for our use. I haven't been to that many weddings but I really want everyone to have a great time. There will be lots of food throughout the day and some drinks supplied (with a couple of bars if people want more). I've sorted amazing flowers, quartet and great band, photographer, celebrant & something special for the handful of children coming. But I can't help but feel I'm missing something...when you think back to what happened at the favourite wedding you've attended - what made it extra special for you as a guest and why? (Any advice gratefully received)

Don’t have a marathon wedding from noon-midnight with loads of spare time to fill. They tend to be tiring and dull.

Ensure that everyone is adequately fed and watered, not just the omnivores and wine drinkers.

Plenty of seating should be supplied.

Adequate numbers of bar staff. I expect to queue for the bar three-deep in a city centre pub on the Friday before Christmas, but it’s annoying at a wedding. At one wedding I went to in the 1990s, they ran out of glasses because no one was collecting them.

If it’s rural and taxis are likely to be sparse, ensure you arrange minibuses from/to the local town. I didn’t enjoy the 30 minute walk in wedge heels along a dimly-lit road after a wedding a few years ago!

I suppose it’s all about making guests feel comfortable and valued. Flowers, photo booths, violinists and sugared almonds are no substitute for that.

Decent food
Lots of alcohol
Entertainment

We decided to go for a cheaper venue so we could afford a better band for the evening. we are so glad we did this, they were amazing and the guests had the best time.

Fantastic food (no buffets!), free bar, no disco but a great band.
Having lovely family and friends who mix with everyone and give great speeches.
No driving required, so either accommodation at the venue or transport to a nearby hotel.

I think for me it's:

1. Enough good food. My favourite wedding they had the wedding after lunch, asked guests to bring a cake (simple cakes likes Victoria sponge) and served tea and coffee after the ceremony.

1. Either sit people with people they know or create connections. At one wedding we were given two guests each and you had to find them and then find what you had in common - it was a great conversation starter but must have been so much work.

1. Consider something to do that isn't dancing, depending on your guests: I went to one that had a side room with tables and chairs and board games and the guest book and a Polaroid camera to take photos to stick into the book which was super. They had a great covers band as well so there was a lot of dancing but it was nicest to have somewhere to catch up with people.

I would die of cringe if there were singing waiters or magicians or the like.

Me too

and all the other things you said - it definitely isn't just you @ineedsun

I do remember with fondness the two weddings I have been to where there was no evening buffet as such, but they rolled out a whole trolley load of bacon butties at about 10pm

@woohoo54

I am loving these suggestions and honest insight! Please keep them coming! Interesting to hear no one remembered flowers - maybe I should reallocate part of that budget as I had set aside quite a bit for them as I thought they'd make the venue feel really special

The flowers are really only special to the couple I'm afraid - unless you splash out gazillions like the uber rich do, no one is going to remember them.

Most food at wedding breakfasts is disappointing - boring or not hot enough. The buffet / chip / pizza van in the evening is where the best food comes in.

Your priorities for guests are:

• great food and drink (and enough of it, don't be stingy - people have to fuel themselves without the adrenaline buzz you'll have)
• something to keep them getting bored during photos (and wherever they're waiting, make sure there's seating)
• comfort - is there somewhere they relax a bit or sit comfortably while they pause in the evening? Most people will need to recharge at points during the celebrations
• Good table planning - at least 1 person they'll get on with at their assigned table
• mingle - don't let them feel like the spare part, take a few minutes to speak with them at some point
• fun & inclusive entertainment (music photo booth games etc)

no long standing around outside by church while couple do photos, no enormous long gaps before dinner

This. Being made to feel like a film extra spending most of the day waiting around is really boring.

A welcome drink is nice, especially if it’s not plain Prosecco.

The best wedding I’ve been to was my niece’s, and held abroad.

Ceremony and meal were in same venue - which we’d helped to decorate. After the meal, we all got changed into shorts and T-shirts and went down to the beach (they live on an island) It was so lovely after the formal part of the day, and great fun. Plus totally unique

One of the worst weddings I’ve ever been to was at a hotel the middle of nowhere. It was a beautiful venue, but difficult and pricey to get a taxi home. If I were ever to get married, a central location for me would be a must.

I’m teetotal, so being trapped for hours in a hotel with no phone ( battery died ) everyone around me blind drunk, until the bus came to get us at 1am, wasn’t much fun.

Also, as said previously. No huge gaps where everyone is just waiting about, plenty of food and non alcoholic choices too!

At one wedding we were given two guests each and you had to find them and then find what you had in common - it was a great conversation starter but must have been so muchwork
That would be my idea of hell. I think I'd just go home rather than do that. Years ago I went to a wedding where the bride deliberately separated guests from people they knew so that everyone was sitting with strangers " because we're all one family now". 🙄
I don't think anyone enjoyed it and I have never met any of the people I was sitting with again, so it was all a bit pointless. Most people enjoy catching up with people they know at weddings. The very outgoing guests who want to make new friends will do so regardless of the seating plan, but most don't, so it's not a good idea to try to force it.

Cut the photos to the bare minimum, you'll rarely look at them in a few years. Nothing worse than the B&G disappearing for ages to enable the photographer to add to their portfolio. I remember one wedding where the b&g disappeared part way through the meal as the photographer wanted to try out some sunset shots.

Unless you can afford a royal family volume of flowers, it's not something that people will remember or appreciate. How many floral arrangements can you remember from other weddings or events?

You will be subjected to all sorts of marketing from the wedding industry to increase your spending. Most of it is a waste of your hard earned cash. As long as your guests are well fed and watered, they will be happy. A lot of touches that make people feel wanted don't cost little or nothing - so asking them for their favourite song for the evening, remembering to thank people, having copies of photos your guests on display (if you have a buffet putting them up where people will be queuing), seating people with their friends/relatives, personalising your thank you notes so that people get thanked for what they actually gave you rather than a generic message.

• cost little or nothing - ignore the stray don't

Photos of your guests. (We need an edit function)

I wax told by a number of people that our wedding was the best they've ever been too. Not sure exactly what their reasoning was but like you I was very focussed on making sure our guests were happy and catered for.

So for example, I made sure there was always something going on and food and drink available so people weren't stood around for ages with no food or drink. I made sure that everyone was considered and catered for. So for instance we had a local company's chocolates for favours and I made sure that the vegans all had a vegan chocolate marked for them as vegan (so they could be confident in eating it!); all the food was also vege/vegan and catered for all dietary requirements so that everyone had a big choice and had lots available to them.
We got married in a field so I did a tent with a mirror and toiletries and water etc etc. I wanted everyone to feel welcome and that no one was a "second thought".

We did mix people up but we tried to sit people with some people they knew and other people we thought they'd get on with. Worked really well and everyone was chatting.

We did cream tea instead of canapés after the ceremony and that seemed to go down well.

Drinks for those who don't want alcohol. That's not still/ sparkling water.

The photographs are the stumbling block. Sometimes they take SO long. Make sure the guests are somewhere comfortable with some form of edibles and drink, tea and coffee will do.
Good music, good food, enough booze.

Went to a wedding the other week that had hardly any food and it took hours to come out. That sort of over shadowed the whole thing for everyone so whatever you do feed everyone!

@Gladioli23

I think for me it's:

1. Enough good food. My favourite wedding they had the wedding after lunch, asked guests to bring a cake (simple cakes likes Victoria sponge) and served tea and coffee after the ceremony.

1. Either sit people with people they know or create connections. At one wedding we were given two guests each and you had to find them and then find what you had in common - it was a great conversation starter but must have been so much work.

1. Consider something to do that isn't dancing, depending on your guests: I went to one that had a side room with tables and chairs and board games and the guest book and a Polaroid camera to take photos to stick into the book which was super. They had a great covers band as well so there was a lot of dancing but it was nicest to have somewhere to catch up with people.

Oh my God. You had to find two people you didn't know? That sounds fucking awful. I would hate that.

Good food. Places to sit and talk.
Do all the core things reasonably early so the people who don’t want to dance the night away can head home.

I agree with lots of these comments.

Worst weddings as a guest have been: one that had no evening element at all - just ended straight after the meal. That would have been fine if made clear in advance but everyone had paid for accommodation. Most people said they would have liked to know.

Other pet hates - cringe speeches, long gaps standing around for hours without food or with one or two canapés each

The best one we went to had a fish and chip van for food, a bouncy castle and bucking bronco for guests (adults, separate smaller bouncy castle for kids) and was generally just very relaxed. It didn't feel like you were on a conveyor belt or schedule, it just flowed nicely and was chilled.

I do agree that letting people know a rough timetable is really helpful.
Most things at a wedding are fine, if that is what the couple want, you get on and pretend it is lovely, but a lot more people than those you might suspect do need to eat at fairly regular intervals, for example. Most people can manage this by having a large brunch before the wedding, or sneaking a picnic into their car in desperate circumstances, but it is helpful to be told if you are not likely to be eating 2.5, or even 3 or 4 or more hours after the ceremony.
Same with it being good to know if you are going to need different footwear to traipse across a field, or you 'big coat' , or, as pp said what sort of time the whole celebration is due to finish.

I think making sure hot drinks are available is really important. Went to a wedding once where you couldn’t even buy tea or coffee and lots of people were talking about it .

Also if you are having a buffet make sure there is enough food for everyone. I went to a wedding where it all ran out before I got there and that is the thing I remember most about that wedding. I had to get a takeaway on way home.

Your wedding sounds lovely. Hope it goes well

@Gladioli23

I think for me it's:

1. Enough good food. My favourite wedding they had the wedding after lunch, asked guests to bring a cake (simple cakes likes Victoria sponge) and served tea and coffee after the ceremony.

1. Either sit people with people they know or create connections. At one wedding we were given two guests each and you had to find them and then find what you had in common - it was a great conversation starter but must have been so much work.

1. Consider something to do that isn't dancing, depending on your guests: I went to one that had a side room with tables and chairs and board games and the guest book and a Polaroid camera to take photos to stick into the book which was super. They had a great covers band as well so there was a lot of dancing but it was nicest to have somewhere to catch up with people.

If I went to a wedding with a side room for board games I would sing the couples praises for the rest of my life.

DH and I did a small, short wedding with just drinks, ceremony, and dinner, but I have heard of a few board game weddings in the last few years and love the idea. I could have handled a big wedding if it was just a board game wedding.

Being a guest at the more common dance focused wedding with a room to escape and play board games would make me so very happy. A place to actually escape the noise and chaos and have some real fun would just be fantastic and all the normals could still do their thing.

Thankfully the wedding is noted for its large and plentiful supply of food so that base is covered! I love the idea of a games room and there is a side room - going to look into what can be done with it!