Help dealing with family members please!

[Bridetobe920]

Our wedding is in 6 months time, we’ve only just started planning so didn’t bother sending save the dates, we’ll send out invites in a few weeks.
So far I’ve text 3 relatives the date to put on their calendars. One didn’t respond at all (to 2 texts), one said they might go on holiday (not yet booked) so are unsure and the last one said it’s their daughters birthday the following week so they might have plans on the day of our wedding.
I was upset at these reasons as I would make the effort to attend theirs. I have a feeling the first 2 aren’t attending because we can’t invite their partners to the whole day, but have said they can come to the reception. I didn’t think that was unusual, me and DP have been to full day weddings separately and the other has attended the reception. We have a tight budget and don’t even know their partners.
I’m tempted to just revoke the invitations rather than wait to see if they can be bothered to come before I can figure out my numbers for food etc. But I’m also worried we’ll end up with no guests. These are relatives I didn’t even think would not attend, let alone with the excuses they’ve given.

What would you do?

Whatever. With an attitude like yours, no wonder they don't want to come.

I really doubt you'll get insurance now - companies are suspending offering new policies due to the coronavirus.

@willowpatterns take yourself off to AIBU, your input is unnecessary here.

16th birthdays are often quite a big thing where I live so could it be that they've already booked a venue for a party on your wedding date?

I wouldn’t go to a wedding my partner wasn’t invited to. How inconvenient for one couple to have to make different arrangements for the same day! If they’re the first 3 people you’ve invited, I’d have thought you’d have invited their partners.

Is this the right time to be planning a wedding?

Unfortunately it’s very uncertain that things will be back to normal in six months. And you won’t get wedding insurance now.

You might be better to just have a very small wedding (two if you) or delay the whole thing before you commit any more money.

@Superjaggy nothing has been booked for her birthday yet.
@Herpesfreesince03 it’s not that inconvenient, the partners just stay home until it’s time for the reception, it’s what me and DP have always done when we’ve been invited separately.
@NewIdeasToday deposits have been paid, we may look into changing the date if it doesn’t look like things are getting back to normal in a few months.

@Herpesfreesince03 also, if you’d read the full thread our reasons for not inviting partners is because we’re on a tight budget, we don’t know the partners so they’re not a priority. DP isn’t even inviting some of his relatives to keep numbers down, would it really be fair of me to invite partners of relatives in that case?
Wedding is planned for 6 months time because I have a sick elderly relative I’m very close to who I want there above anyone else.

If your relative is sick and elderly a gathering of people is not a great place to put them in until a Covid-19 vaccine is available unfortunately :( We’re trying to plan an elopement that is filmed and playing that at our (postponed) reception

I’ll consider that nearer the time @Pogmella. The PM has said we can turn it around in 12 weeks. I’m not sure why people think this will go on all year when measures are now being put in place. Of course those who are vulnerable need special consideration.

@Bridetobe920 Italy has been in a proper lockdown for nearly 2 weeks and their deaths have now overtaken China's. The government really don't know what will happen, no one does. They're trying not to panic people. I've postponed my end of May wedding to next June. I did that on Tuesday and they said I was the first to request it and I spoke to the venue again today and they're now inundated with requests to postpone. Just be mindful that in a few months time the dates for next year could be few and far between with people already getting married in 2021, and all the 2020 brides postponing. I do hope it's all much better by September, but if you haven't got insurance I'd just try to avoid paying for too much right now.

If they're you're cousins and you don't know their partners then it doesn't sound like you're close to them so I wouldn't be upset with them not coming.

I doubt two (out of three) of my cousins will come to my wedding and one of them we've invited their partner for the sake of harmony having never met them before.

it’s not that inconvenient, the partners just stay home until it’s time for the reception, it’s what me and DP have always done when we’ve been invited separately

But if it's an hour away, then do these people have two cars, and you'd expect them to drive there separately and use both cars? Or get public transport separately? Or travel together but one person has to find somewhere to hang around on their own for most of the day? How would you imagine it working?

@janebee4 sorry to hear you’ve had to postpone your wedding. I hope you’re not too disappointed. I’d be ok with postponing if it weren’t for my elderly relative who I really want there. He is the only reason I wanted to get married ASAP, we only got engaged over Christmas. I don’t think he’ll still be with us next year. I’m going to leave it the 3 months We’ll be isolating to see how things are then we will postpone if we have to. Will the people/venues I’ve paid deposits to allow us to change the date without extra costs do you think?

To the other 2 posters I’ve said this multiple times in the thread. I was close to them in childhood, they moved far away so we drifted apart. I’d still like to have them there and for my DS’s to have their DC to play with.

The 2 cousins can travel the hour with their mother. Their partners together (they live very close) for the reception. It really isn’t that inconvenient. It would take more than one car for them all anyway, they’ll just be doing it at different times. I’ve done this for people when it actually was inconvenient Because people have budgets they don’t have room for everyone and I wouldn’t be so spiteful to turn down an invitation to get them back for not inviting DP to full day. That’s the last time I’m going to explain myself on this thread! We’re not all rich.

@bridetobe920 everyone has been good about moving our deposits to a new date. The venue are asking for another 50% of the venue fee because we want to move it to the next financial year which is a bit of a stretch for us but there's not really any other choice now. Best of luck, I just hope everyone isolates properly and this can be over sooner rather than later!