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Original poster

Free bar *for certain guests*

109 replies

girlneedshelp · 30/07/2019 13:57

We get married soon and my FIL has offered to put some money behind the bar for drinks, but only for certain guests (bridal party / close family I believe) what would be the best way to show the bar that said persons are paying with the tab as don’t want everyone just saying ‘on the tab’ - thanks in advance!!

OP posts:
TheNightof1000Fans · 30/07/2019 16:56

Obviously people started 'buying' each other drinks so a 'VIP' was getting drinks for a few people and not being charged. Most people cottoned on and the 'VIP's' just keep ordering drinks and bottles of wine and Champagne to share with guests.

This is what ALWAYS happens!!!

newmobile · 30/07/2019 17:00

Can't believe this. No way can you let this happen at your own wedding its so tacky and embarrassing for all. Wow just wow!! So shocked at the mere suggestion.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/07/2019 17:03

Why not just ask FIL to pay for additional wine/ice buckets of beer for specific tables for the day time. These can be put on in advance. Guests can then just pay for their own evening drinks.

ChihuahuaMummy1 · 30/07/2019 17:06

If really have to do this do it for family only

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 30/07/2019 17:26

Do you really want this at your wedding? I know FIL wants it but do you?

It sounds a little unorthodox...

Contraceptionismyfriend · 30/07/2019 17:29

What sad people do you associate with who would cause gossip over this?

MrsMoastyToasty · 30/07/2019 17:48

Get him to pay for the drinks served at the meal or on arrival, with you making up any shortfall if his contribution doesn't cover the full cost.

NuttyOrNice · 30/07/2019 18:41

Im not sure how this would work in practice. I think having a tab is the best way to go but you would have to explain to the guests that it was only for their drinks. If it's not lots of people then I'm sure your FIL could speak to each of his favoured guests on the day and explain that he would like to buy their drinks for them.

Bufferingkisses · 30/07/2019 18:49

Lordy this has kicked off hasn't it?! Imo it's not 2 tier or anything else, it's a man buying family a few drinks.

Thinking about it op, concerns over costs are valid. If you did vouchers that could be exchanged (so the bar tender keeps them) for say, 1 pint beer/1 glass wine/1 short and mixer/1 soft drink then he could have some control over costs and someone can just hand out a couple each to each person involved. Job done without drama. If someone wants to give theirs away that's up to them and doesn't increase the costs at all.

jellyjellyinmybelly · 30/07/2019 18:51

Can you and DP pay for 1 or 2 tokens for each guest, then FIL pay for extra for VIP guests? Tokens far better than a tab!

RancidOldHag · 30/07/2019 18:53

"it's a man buying family a few drinks"

If he just did that, there would be no need for the thread. He's proposing instead that the B&G set up a VIP for which he dictates membership. Not remotely the same.

Ginger1982 · 30/07/2019 18:54

Pretty rude and the deflecting 'it's him not me' is just you being disingenuous.

HappyLoneParentDay · 30/07/2019 18:54

Oh God no pleeease don't do this. Your wedding will descend into carnage and/or end up with a HUGE bill from those guests sneakily sharing the 'special cards' with people they know or buying rounds to inevitably include some of those not included.
Then you'll find some of the people who weren't part of the 'special few' will find out and then one or two of them will probably stop speaking to you.... I could go on & on with the list of potential problems. Also it's very tacky

LolaSmiles · 30/07/2019 20:02

Imo it's not 2 tier or anything else, it's a man buying family a few drinks.
Nobody has an issue with a man buying family a few drinks.

The issue is that instead of him buying family drinks (just like anyone else getting rounds in at the bar), he wants the bride and groom to create a system that makes it obvious to the bar (and by default everyone else) that they can have free drinks for the wedding.

It places the couple in an awkward position as it very much looks like the couple are drawing tiers in their guest list.

BogglesGoggles · 30/07/2019 20:20

Couldn’t you take his contribution and put it towards a general bar tab?

Contraceptionismyfriend · 30/07/2019 20:36

Why would he want it to go to a general bar tab? He wants to buy his family a few drinks.

oldenoughtobehavebetter · 30/07/2019 20:48

Haven't rtft but you CAN do this discretely and not weirdly.

We went to a wedding recently where the groom gave us a couple of tickets when we arrived (like the ones you get out of arcade machines or very old fashioned bus tickets) to get ourselves a drink on him at the bar. It didn't seem weird at all. It also would help your FIL to budget for a certain number of drinks.

benfoldsfive · 30/07/2019 21:09

Just set up a table number. Put that on tab 22 please. Everyone around them won't know it's not there own personal tab. And if they are all close family it will won't look strange. I don't see it as a massive issue, if he wants to buy his family drinks, let him. Anyone who isn't family he can go to the bar himself for their drinks, then it will be clear it's his choice

AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 30/07/2019 21:23

If he sets up a tab, or uses tokens (as many posters suggest) then there will be no need for OP to set up a VIP system.

It does sound as if FIL is being rather demanding about something he could do perfectly well himself

fatfluffycushion · 30/07/2019 21:34

Awfully rude thing to do , why invite the ' not so elite ' guests if that's how they are to be treated ?

Bufferingkisses · 31/07/2019 00:08

Mumsnet is bloody weird about weddings. In the real world;

Evening invites are fine not "second best"
Receiving an invite because someone dropped out is an unexpected pleasure
No one expects colleagues or second cousins daughters boyfriends to be treated exactly like your brother or Mum
Hog roast and wine from plastic cups is relaxed not tacky
Friends and family do not spend their time at your wedding trying to point score or look for reasons to feel slighted.

OP, I hope you have a really lovely day whatever you decide Flowers

saraclara · 31/07/2019 00:15

Yep. There's simply a tab with FIL's room/table number. Those that FIL is close to are simply told to put their drinks on room 7's tab. Anyone overhearing at the bar will simply think that it's the room number of the person they hear ordering. It's not like other people are going to start putting their drinks on a random room number's tab.

Morningonthebeach · 31/07/2019 08:35

My worry with this would be that non-VIPs wouldn't understand it was your FILs idea. They'd be pissed off AND probably blame you.

SexTrainGlue · 31/07/2019 08:45

I think FIL is being a CF

He's so lazy he can't even set up his own bar tab. Sheesh

RJnomore1 · 31/07/2019 08:51

I usually stay out of wedding threads but this is a truly horrible idea, either he buys rounds like a normal person or he contributes an amount to go behind the bar to buy some drinks in general, cards wristbands and passwords are noticeably exclusionary and smack of all inclusive holidays.

Still it seems weddings are getting further abd further away from the spirit of celebrating a marriage so I shouldn’t be surprised should I.