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Original poster

Free bar *for certain guests*

109 replies

girlneedshelp · 30/07/2019 13:57

We get married soon and my FIL has offered to put some money behind the bar for drinks, but only for certain guests (bridal party / close family I believe) what would be the best way to show the bar that said persons are paying with the tab as don’t want everyone just saying ‘on the tab’ - thanks in advance!!

OP posts:
Reallybadidea · 30/07/2019 14:18

I think it's a terrible idea. It doesn't really matter what the idea behind it is because most other guests won't know or care. They'll just see that a select few are getting free drinks and be mightily pissed off. Don't do it.

mymadworld · 30/07/2019 14:18

I would be very careful having a tab or any sort of two tier system - it looks tight and is open to abuse. Why not consider giving everyone a ticket (fun money with the couple's face on or similar?) which entitles you to a free bar drink and then you can always give out extras to those you want to keep paying for. Oh, and Set a very definite bar limit agreed in writing in advance with the venue.

PuppyMonkey · 30/07/2019 14:18

I don’t see why a person setting up a tab at the bar for a certain group is any different from a person going up to the bar to buy a round in for the group.Confused

Sunburntnoseandears · 30/07/2019 14:19

What if non vip guests have bought decent gifts? Would they be promoted to vip? Maybe they will take the gifts back if they feel the hosts are cfers?

SymphonyofShadows · 30/07/2019 14:20

I’m not telling you how to have your wedding, just pointing out that people will be ripping you to shreds behind your back for being cheap. If you are happy with that then crack on.

Medianoche · 30/07/2019 14:20

The last wedding I went to, the bridal party had some drink vouchers that they handed out (informally, not strictly one per person or anything). It made it clear that there were drinks offered, but not an unlimited free bar and it worked well. Unlimited free bar for everyone is expensive, but offering one drink isn’t unusual and slipping some spare vouchers to a few people to have more than one drink would be less conspicuous than having a completely two tier system.

Medianoche · 30/07/2019 14:21

Crossposted with Mymadworld.

PixieLumos · 30/07/2019 14:23

Ask your venue.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 30/07/2019 14:29

These responses are ridiculous. It's not a two tier system. It's a man wanting to get drinks in for his group.

If you can make laminated cards with the table/room number that would be easy.

dustarr73 · 30/07/2019 14:31

@FallenSkies i think thats the best option that you have put forward

Teddybear45 · 30/07/2019 14:31

Many places do wrist bands. You just hand them out discretely during the wedding or include them in favour boxes.

fluffiphlox · 30/07/2019 14:33

Tacky. Just put a set amount behold the bar and WIGIG.

PuppyMonkey · 30/07/2019 14:33

But OMG, Contraception, other guests might beat members of the “elite” group up and nick the precious laminated cards so they can have free booze.

Or they’ll just think “Ah I see, that lot are in a round.”

Grin
Rachelover40 · 30/07/2019 14:34

It sounds awful.

By all means let your future father in law contribute something towards drinks but you or your parents pay for the rest. Or else have a couple of free drinks for everyone after which the guests pay for their own.

ohcanada · 30/07/2019 14:35

Ugh horrible. I wouldn't be doing that at all.

I suppose you could give them a 'code word' or name and when they order their drinks say 'put it on x tab'.

It's just not the right thing to do though. Can't he just do rounds and be generous on the night?

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/07/2019 14:37

Rounds are a long standing and accepted social convention and whispered code words and wristbands at a wedding are not. Utterly fine if you don't care. But a lot of people do care about social conventions at weddings. And you tend to get a mixture of people at weddings, many of whom will judge.

Tickets is the least awful way to do it as long as everyone gets one or two at the beginning.

floribunda18 · 30/07/2019 14:44

Do what you want, OP. The cards thing sounds fine. I don't expect a free bar anywhere and if other people have their drinks bought for them, it isn't any of my business.

PrincessScarlett · 30/07/2019 14:44

A 2 tier bar system is an awful idea and has the potential to upset your guests who do not make the cut.

Surely if FIL wants to buy drinks for family only he can set up a tab and family can charge to that tab. Or he can order wine etc for certain tables only that have family members on.

MsSquiz · 30/07/2019 14:45

@girlneedshelp
don’t see how it’s any different to noticing that he’s paying for some peoples rounds and not offering to others but we will sort something out - thanks for the suggestions to those who have answered the question.. and not told us how to have our wedding ☺️

Because your guests won't know it is your FIL who has implemented this vip fab idea. They will just see that it is free drinks for some guests and not all.

And I can guarantee that people who aren't meant to be included, will end up having their drinks paid for on the tab!

Just say to your FIL it's not possible to do, and that only way would be for him to go to the bar to order the drinks he wants to pay for.

LolaSmiles · 30/07/2019 14:51

It's fine for him to want to pay for some people's drinks and not others.

The problem is once he starts asking the couple to sort a system out for his convenience involving cards/wristbands etc then it starts looking like an offical decision made by the couple because they're allowing some guests to have their drinks covered in a special system but not others.

If he wants to buy drinks then he needs to get the rounds in or give certain family members enough to help him with the cost.

I'd never expect a free bar at a wedding and have never been to one, but a special system for some and not others would raise an eyebrow.

hadthesnip2 · 30/07/2019 14:56

Surely you just put a certain amount behind the bar & when that's gone you pay the rest yourselves.

My father did this when we married - put £100 behind the bar & the barman kept a tally. We let everyone know that the first couple of drinks were on the house (this was 20 years ago so prices a bit cheaper than now) & then it was down to them.

Would be awful knowing you are not on the "select" list. Do the "select" people get better food too....?? I expect you still want the serfs to buy you a wedding gift though.

Expressedways · 30/07/2019 15:07

I think the only way you can do this without other guests noticing and it looking tacky is by asking your FIL to give his chosen group cash before the reception. He can give everyone £20, £50, whatever he wants and it look as if they’re buying their own drinks.

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 30/07/2019 15:08

I am unsure why you have to come up with the logistics of this, given that it's your FIL who wants to do this. Tell him to sort it out himself!

pelirocco123 · 30/07/2019 15:11

Its best he buys the drinks for the people he wants , we put money behind the bar at my sons wedding , then topped it up 10 minutes later , my son told us not to put any more as certain guests were ordering trebles and they spent £500 in less than 15 mins . You also cant be sure that the staff are calculating it correctly
If the venue will let you use a token for up to a certain value this may work , but of course he will probably pay over the odds for some drinks

IfThisWasOurHouse · 30/07/2019 15:13

Its tacky and rude. And alienates your guests some of whom may have spent significant money on travel and accommodation to then see some people getting free drinks. Do you not care who those outside the sacred inner circle may feel seeing wristbands/laminated cards? There will be some that'll be so distant they wont care but there will be others who are in that grey area and you will look tight/favouring some guests and not others.

In terms of people telling you how to have your wedding - you're the one who posted it on a forum asking how to do it! Some people are going to suggest you just don't - that's just Mumsnet for you