Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Weddings

Chat to other Mumsnetters on our Wedding forum.

Original poster

Free bar *for certain guests*

109 replies

girlneedshelp · 30/07/2019 13:57

We get married soon and my FIL has offered to put some money behind the bar for drinks, but only for certain guests (bridal party / close family I believe) what would be the best way to show the bar that said persons are paying with the tab as don’t want everyone just saying ‘on the tab’ - thanks in advance!!

OP posts:
M0RVEN · 30/07/2019 15:13

What cool cool said. It’s a stupid and naff idea, you FIL can buy rounds like a normal person.

chantico · 30/07/2019 15:17

If you make these arrangements, then they are yours (whoever is contributing to that part of the wedding costs) and yes, it would be reasonable for people to conclude that you are running a two tier system.

I recommend that FIL is asked instead to pay some of the drinks bill for everyone (welcome drink, or toasts, or drinks at the table if you run to that). Or he buys rounds in the usual way, or sets up his own tab in the usual way.

SunshineCake · 30/07/2019 15:20

I think this is an awful way to do it. My PIL paid for our reception and just announced there was a free bar. If you are going to go to the point of making laminated creams ffs way to make the rest of the guests not feel welcome. Let him pay towards the bill later and not bother having a free bar.

sashh · 30/07/2019 15:23

Be careful OP

I went to a wedding a couple of years ago, the drinks on arrival didn't show so me, being me, went off to find the manager and discovered people not remotely connected to the wedding putting things 'on the wedding tab'.

When we checked out someone had charged a meal to our room. The staff had the audacity to argue with us that we might have eaten in the restaurant and forgotten about it even though we had also been at a wedding and had room service.

I think the best thing to do would be to get a few prepaid cards, like the ones you get to go o holiday. That way your FIL can hand them out to the 'chosen' guests and everyone is seen to be buying drinks.

floribunda18 · 30/07/2019 15:23

I don’t see why a person setting up a tab at the bar for a certain group is any different from a person going up to the bar to buy a round in for the group

It isn't. People are being very weird and entitled about expecting free drinks at the bar. It's really none of their business what arrangements FIL has made for the wedding party. The wedding party might get preferential room rates in a hotel as well, they get special outfits, get to wear or carry flowers, sit on a different table, travel in different cars and often get their hair or makeup done. There is always a two tier system. Some weddings might have a three tier system when there are evening guests.

Fluandseptember · 30/07/2019 15:26

If you're set on this, then the 'signing for it' option does sound like the best one, with a fixed amount set aside.

Banjodancer · 30/07/2019 15:27

Is it just going to be the groom's side of the family, incidentally?

teddypasty · 30/07/2019 15:29

It may be something he wants to do, but it's your wedding and you're making the decision to go along with it. It will cause snarky comments, "jokey" pisstaking and you'll wish you hadn't done it! Could he ask the bar if they could sell "gift vouchers" that he could then give to the people he wants to benefit?

CarolDanvers · 30/07/2019 15:29

It's fine ffs people are ridiculous about weddings on here and I don't mean the OP.

I think charging it to a room is the best option, is that possible OP?

Impatienceismyvirtue · 30/07/2019 15:30

No way would I agree to this - it’s really really NOT the same as him buying drinks for people in person, it’s sneaky and draws attention.
Agree that him giving cash to the people he wants to buy drinks for in a little card would be much better - he can also add a few words like “this is to say thank you for the support you have offered girlneedshelp on her special day - I hope you’ll enjoy a few drinks on me!” or whatever.

thecatsthecats · 30/07/2019 15:33

Giftcards for the venue, to be shared amongst family?

I think a simple message - from him, not you - to the people he wants to get a drink for saying, 'Happy to buy a few in, come see me after the meal.'

I mean, he'd surely like to actually see and talk to these people he's buying drinks for anyway!

SweetNorthernRose · 30/07/2019 15:36

If his offer comes with a caveat and that caveat is for his convenience then he should be the one to come up with the solution, not leave you with another thing to sort out on top of all the other usual wedding stuff!
I'm pretty sure he would he able to just put his card behind the bar and set up a tab, then tell those who he wants to include.
However this is not your problem to solve.

Jaxhog · 30/07/2019 15:38

"charge it to my room - 561" and have FIL pay the tab in the morning

If he has to do this, then this is the way to go. People are less likely to abuse his generosity if they know he'll see exactly what they did.

RB68 · 30/07/2019 15:42

can you get prepaid visa cards and use those?

SweetNorthernRose · 30/07/2019 15:42

Having said that, when we got married my mum gave us some money for drinks for people. We spoke to the venue and agreed how many drinks the money would cover (kept it to just beer or wine) and everyone got a couple of tokens as part of their favours so everyone got a couple of drinks and we kept to the budget. This might be a possibility - this way everyone is included but fil can ensure things didn't get out of hand?

JusticeForBarb · 30/07/2019 15:43

I really don’t think it’s a big issue, and I think using little cards would would work fine. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding and paid any attention to how everyone around me is or isn’t paying for drinks! If I did, and noticed that the family of the wedding party had a tab like this, it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest 🙂

Fluandseptember · 30/07/2019 15:52

Oh, the tokens idea is really neat. Once they're gone, they're gone. And if sister wants to give hers to a cousin/friend etc., no harm done.
Neat!

RancidOldHag · 30/07/2019 15:58

I think FIL buying preloaded cash cards and giving them to a few key people is the best idea

Or he sets up a tab and password himself - no need for B&G to get involved in how he buys rounds

(not least because if they do, then it's no longer just FIL getting some drinks in, it's their arrangement too)

Napqueen1234 · 30/07/2019 15:58

I would tell him to start a tab at the bar that evening and tell the select guests put it on FIL tab. Other guests won’t do that is it’s cheeky but putting drinks on a tab is a normal thing to do an he can pay it off at the end?

Dandelion1993 · 30/07/2019 15:58

It's so rude.
Either have an open bar for all or no one.

If he wants to pay for particular drinks then he can go and order them.

InsertFunnyUsername · 30/07/2019 16:08

You and your FIL can do as you please obviously, but it wont go unnoticed, someone will slip up or work out people handing over cards. Of course while no one is entitled to free drinks it is just a bit awkward. So just have your response prepared (i doubt anyone would say anything but after drinking you never know)

Its not really like FIL going up buying them drinks, people would see that, so unless he is going to announce it infront of the guests he has put money behind for this and that person, it will just feel... Sneaky (probably not the right word)

FrogsAreMean · 30/07/2019 16:28

@JusticeForBarb - you talk a lot of sense!

Most of the contributors on this thread should just jog on!

OP don't take any notice of some of the ridiculous 'opinions' of the weird wedding mob that frequent the boards here.

The OP didn't ask for your opinion on WHAT she was planning, she only asked for opinions on the best way to go about what she wants to do at HER wedding.

Atalune · 30/07/2019 16:34

Tokens are the best idea.

However it will cause gossip. It really will. If you don’t care then you don’t care. But if you do....well, be prepared.

QueenofallIsee · 30/07/2019 16:39

I have drink tokens that match the invitations - in our case, we give 2 to every adult guest plus a welcome drink but you could give the tokens out to the few. They are the size of a poker chip in our case and I doubt anyone will notice they use them to pay unless they are really watching. We ordered them from our stationary supplier but amazon sell them too

whitebowls · 30/07/2019 16:51

We were at a wedding that did this. After a while it became very obvious that there were 'VIP's'. It felt quite crap to be a 'none VIP'
Obviously people started 'buying' each other drinks so a 'VIP' was getting drinks for a few people and not being charged. Most people cottoned on and the 'VIP's' just keep ordering drinks and bottles of wine and Champagne to share with guests.
I'm sure whoever had to pay the bar bill had a massive amount to pay out.
Don't do it, it's just awful and the 'non VIP's' have no idea of the reason they have been excluded or how many of them were excluded or included.