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Original poster

Free bar *for certain guests*

109 replies

girlneedshelp · 30/07/2019 13:57

We get married soon and my FIL has offered to put some money behind the bar for drinks, but only for certain guests (bridal party / close family I believe) what would be the best way to show the bar that said persons are paying with the tab as don’t want everyone just saying ‘on the tab’ - thanks in advance!!

OP posts:
MustardScreams · 30/07/2019 13:59

Give them a laminated card with their name on and they can show that when they go to the bar. Looks less obvious than wristbands.

Bufferingkisses · 30/07/2019 13:59

Just give the people who are included a particular colour button hole or corsage to wear? That way staff don't have to ask.

You could get little badges made i suppose but I think that would look tacky myself.

CalmFizz · 30/07/2019 14:01

How many guests are you having in total? How many people are going to be on the select few list?

I’d look at getting some generic cards, like a store card/library card (you can buy packs of blank ones online) and giving them to the people who you wish to have paid drinks, when they order at the bar they’d hand over the card so other guests would think they’re paying by card but the bar staff would add it to fil’s tab.

PotteringAlong · 30/07/2019 14:01

You really can’t operate a 2 tier VIP system at your wedding! Don’t do that...

Neptunesgiraffe · 30/07/2019 14:04

What happens if one the guests who is allowed free drinks, wants to get a round in for some guests who aren't on the list? It's way too complicated. Would everyone on the list have to get just their own drink?

MissRabbitNeedsAHoliday · 30/07/2019 14:04

You really can’t operate a 2 tier VIP system at your wedding! Don’t do that...

This.
Glad people are offering suggestions if you really do decide to do this, but surely if your guests do realise whats going on its going to be a bit awkward? How do you decide who is worthy of a free bar?
Glad im only having a small wedding with people who genuinely mean a lot to me there, rather than having to make decisions like this!
Sorry if that sounds harsh op but I really don't think this is a good idea.

TheBrockmans · 30/07/2019 14:04

If they are wearing a button hole, wedding dress or bridesmaids dress. Anyone else he is wanting to pay for he should maybe just slip them a tenner before the wedding

Original poster
girlneedshelp · 30/07/2019 14:05

There are around 200 guests, so he doesn’t want to do a complete ‘free bar’ as this would cost thousands. @It’s the same as him just buying them drinks, but it means he can enjoy the day without constantly being stood at the bar with his card.

I think the card option may be best as does look less obvious :)

OP posts:
Teachermaths · 30/07/2019 14:06

This is a bit of a naff thing to do. Can he not just pick an amount and say that's behind the bar and once its gone it's gone. Or FIL slips every person £20 beforehand for drinks.

Original poster
girlneedshelp · 30/07/2019 14:07

Also.. it’s not me deciding who gets the free bar. This is something he wants to do and I’m just trying to find a solution.. 👍🏻

OP posts:
Constantlurker · 30/07/2019 14:08

Oh god don't do it. That is a logistical nightmare waiting to happen. Honestly - all you'll do is piss people off who aren't in the special free beer club. I guarantee you people will find out and ask those on the list to buy them drinks as they'll be free. It's a lovely idea in theory and very kind of your FIL but this is your day and you want to spend it having fun not stressing about who got the right drinks at the bar!

If it has to happen, best thing to do is have your FIL buy people drinks all night that he wants to provide for. still the same amount of money spent but no secret squirrel code at the bar for only the special people!

Atlasta · 30/07/2019 14:08

It's all a bit awkward and how are the select few going to feel if other guests after a few drinks and dutch courage start badgering them to go to the bar to get them free drinks? It could happen!

CalmFizz · 30/07/2019 14:08

I think if it really is just a select few then it’s better that your fil says he’s the go to bar man, and he gets the rounds in for the people he’d like to, it’s probably just the top table.

PuppyMonkey · 30/07/2019 14:09

Can’t they just say “tab 354” or something? Or have a password?

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/07/2019 14:10

You really can’t operate a 2 tier VIP system at your wedding! Don’t do that...

He can buy a few rounds, put some money on the BM and MoH's cards if he wants them to do the same. If there are siblings and adult children, the same.

Having a VIP system is all very well for gigs, but not weddings.

SymphonyofShadows · 30/07/2019 14:10

The people who aren’t included will notice and you’ll get labelled cheapskates.

HappyHammy · 30/07/2019 14:11

I wouldn't agree to that. Supposing a sister wants to buy a drink for a cousin or similar. It could be.really awkward and.complicated. could he put money towards the table wine or welcome drinks instead or just pay.for the top table

CalmFizz · 30/07/2019 14:12

The main thing id advise, having worked as bar staff, is that there’s no fall out for them afterwards. A bar tab even for 10/20 people can easily get to the best part of a grand, is he prepared to cover that? Passwords/codes for a tab can be overheard or shared.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 30/07/2019 14:12

I think the card option may be best as does look less obvious

And once the people who have the cards are drunk enough to let people "borrow" the card because it's "just one" or use the card to get a round in "because he'll never know"...?

Or any system really. It's difficult to do unless you are 100% certain that no-one will take the piss and no-one will take offence.

You need to discuss it with your FIL so he's aware of the probable pitfalls.

FallenSkies · 30/07/2019 14:13

Are you getting married at a hotel? Could you have the tab charged to one of the bedrooms? It would be less obvious to say "charge it to my room - 561" and have FIL pay the tab in the morning? The person adding the drink would then need to sign for it so you would have a record of who put drinks on there too.

Mrskeats · 30/07/2019 14:13

OMG. These wedding threads are beyond ridiculous now.
To do this would be so tacky and rude.

AgentProvocateur · 30/07/2019 14:15

Please don’t do this. A two tier guest system will end in resentment. It’s awful! Can’t he just buy drinks for the people he wants to buy drinks for? This is such a bad idea.

Original poster
girlneedshelp · 30/07/2019 14:16

I don’t see how it’s any different to noticing that he’s paying for some peoples rounds and not offering to others but we will sort something out - thanks for the suggestions to those who have answered the question.. and not told us how to have our wedding ☺️

OP posts:
Normandy144 · 30/07/2019 14:17

I get that it's not you offering it, but it's your wedding and it's just seems a bit awkward. Far better for FIL to work out an amount he's happy with and put it behind the bar, he can always reserve some and make a point of buying in a round for those who are on his list. He can stipulate that it's not to be spent on doubles, shots etc. It has the potential to be heavily abused and come across a bit tacky.

Waterlemon · 30/07/2019 14:18

We recently attended a wedding like this. The bride and groom both had lots of young friends who they knew would take advantage and go crazy with a free bar, (and likely to get up to drunken shenanigans) so there was a code word that family and bridal party were given to use at the bar. There was also lots of wine left over from dinner, so the organisers gathered up the bottles and set up a table with glasses and ice buckets for people to help themselves.

I’ve also been to plenty of weddings with no free bar so I don’t think it is expected anymore. Your dad could just have a tab and buy drinks for close family/friends.