Delicate issue of pubescent young daughter and sleeveless dress.

[Riversguidebook]

Well this is one I haven’t read before!

My daughter is almost 12 but thankfully still not self conscious enough yet to worry about leg and underarm hair. She has very dark hair, lots of it and very long, especially underarm.

Her dress is 3/4 length so she may or may not wear tights on the day too, despite the inevitable summer heat.

Her bridesmaid dress is sleeveless, and it will be too hot to wear a short sleeve bolero type cardigan in the summer.

I haven’t discussed the underarm hair with her, but should I?
As soon as one of her similar age cousins notices, she might become embarrassed and instantly self conscious, and it’s a shame because it’s kind of like the cheques in the post on this.

I remember my own mother laughing at me and calling me beardy in front of the family when she first noticed my underarm hair about the same age, and I’m trying to ensure my own daughter doesn’t suffer the same sort of humiliation.

What do you think?

Would people think men wuth a moustache or beard were dirty or ruining wedding pics? that hair is much more visible

We all bring our kids up to conform to our ideals. It’s the way it works.
Or you educate your child to allow them to have their own views on the world. They’re not little autonomous robots you play dress up with, they’re actual humans with thoughts and feelings.

I promote self care in my children which includes cleanliness and attending social functions washed dressed and looking presentable.
You can be clean and have body hair. It’s there for a reason. HTH

I hope those who wouldn’t sit near their children with body hair / force them to wear long sleeves etc are using the words “mummy is embarrassed and ashamed by you” because that is exactly what is happening and you shouldn’t be using “social norms” to hide your own insecurities. In a few years these children will have massive issues with not only their body, but their self esteem, confidence and will have massive parental issues too. If my parents ever did anything like this to me I’d cut them out of my life as soon as I could. It’s toxic.

armpit hair and public hair exist to protect delicate skin and reduce sweating so removing them is actually harmful from a health and cleanliness viewpoint.

The first people didn't live in cold countries or wear clothes though, so I'm not sure that's true. I haven't noticed women with no underarm hair being more smelly or ill because of it.

Binglebong Yes my mother has accepted an invite. I don’t think she would treat my daughter in the same way she treated me at that age.

But without a doubt she would go back to her other daughter my sister (who’s not invited to the wedding) and laugh about how her granddaughter was walking round like a monkey, and how weird she must be, or how ignorant her mother (me) must be.

Update I had a talk with my DD and just asked her whether she thought I’d need to keep my pits shaved when I showed her my wedding dress (mine always are) and she agreed. Then I said does she feel like she wants to do her pits too on the day, and she said she wasn’t sure yet, and that she didn’t know how. So I said I’d we’d do it together if she likes.

But I think we’ve settled on a short sleeved bolero too for now.

I’m conscious of allowing her a choice, but we’re not a ‘right-on’ feminist family, we’re just average, and I’ve left the choice to her.