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Original poster

Am I mean to consider a child free wedding?

123 replies

cinemalover · 27/01/2019 12:47

The thought just came to me, my partner and I have been together 2 years, lived together for over a year and 6 months, not engaged yet but have been discussing what we'd like as a wedding.

We want small- maybe registry office then dinner afterwards. Or a slightly larger venue wedding (max £3000).

We don't have a tonne of family we want to invite (probably 50-60 people max) and I don't see the point in inviting random family members I see once or twice a year and have no other relationship with!

I've just realised though that I would want a child free wedding.
3 of my cousins have children, one has ADHD and is a fucking nightmare, never listening, ruins family occasions etc as the mother has always given into him and leaves him with my aunt and uncle so she can go out at night and doesn't collect him till the next evening.

Another are a pair of brothers, both absolute nightmares and again, allowed to run riot at family occasions (this time whilst the parents smoke and drink)- the toddler escaped out the garden one day and a guest coming to the party brought him back saying he'd found him wandering around in the street outside the house!

Third one isn't born yet but my cousins GF is pregnant, due in June.

(I'm 20 & my partner is 35 for reference).

Is it unreasonable to ban children under a certain age for this reason? I have a 13 year old cousin whom I love and would love to be there, more than happy to have her!

I know they'd be older by the time I get married but honestly I hate them😅 the parents are fine and I've always gotten along with them but their kids I just can't stand. (Ages of all kids currently- 8, 6, 3).

Also wouldn't do plus ones as that gets expensive and I wouldn't want people I don't know thereConfused

OP posts:
Ragwort · 27/01/2019 13:51

I wouldn’t be focusing on the wedding, I would be really asking myself, if as a 20 year old student, is it really the right time to be getting married to a 35 year old? I would strongly recommend you wait a few years.

GingerRogers84 · 27/01/2019 14:03

I had my nieces and nephews but no other children. It was great! Most parents jump at the chance of a night off! A couple of people I invited got a bit sniffy and wouldn't come but it was their loss not mine.
However the plus one business is a bit tricky. We invited other halves if we had both met them properly. I was left out of a wedding of a relative of my husbands and it was pretty rude as we'd holidayed with them etc.
I'd say invite plus ones on a individual basis.

GingerRogers84 · 27/01/2019 14:06

@Mummyme87 I'm pretty sure you don't have to have children to be on here! It reminds me of a time before I had my son when my friend (who had a baby) asked why on earth would I be watching One Born Every Minute when I didn't have kids! It's a free world. Smile

Mummyme87 · 27/01/2019 14:11

GingerRogers84 I appreciate ‘its a free world’, I just find it weird. I couldn’t imagine why I would want to be on a parenting forum pre children. And it was just a question... free world and all that hey!
And I don’t think you need to have children to watch OBEM. More likely a reason not to watch it. You don’t watch 24hr in A&E if you have been to A&E 🤷🏼‍♀️

FuckOffMeadowSoprano · 27/01/2019 14:19

A lot of people are on here for other boards. I found my way here via The Litter Tray, but also follow the MH board and Alcohol board a lot.

GingerRogers84 · 27/01/2019 14:32

@Mummyme87
I used to love reading AIBU on my tea breaks at work before having my boy. I did start to use the site a lot more when pregnant though. 😊

sashh · 27/01/2019 14:35

Another vote for go child free. It is your wedding and children don't care if they are not invited, weddings are boring for most children.

MrMeSeeks · 27/01/2019 14:49

On another note. If you don’t have children, why are you on a parenting forum?

Wow, this original comment again Hmm
Why dont you look at all the other boards...

You can have the wedding you want, i dont mind childfree but you need to be prepared for the fallout. Some of your comments towards the kids and in general though are not on.

WinterHeatWave · 27/01/2019 14:49

I don't mind child free invites. But we only attend child free weddings we really want to - they are an absolute pain for childcare.
I do object to being told "so parents can enjoy night off, we won't be inviting kids". Invite, or don't invite, but please dont tell me youve made a decision in my best intrests.

Onandonandons · 27/01/2019 14:58

Another here saying I think the words you've used to describe those children is nasty.

I got married before we had our own child. I invited all children of our guests as I see weddings as a family occasion.

I would have declined any child free invitation when my dd was younger. I wouldn't have wanted to leave her with s babysitter for half the weekend. Now she's older, (4) I would consider going if it was not an overnight stay.

So be prepared that people will say no, and don't be mean if they do.

Shutupanddance1 · 27/01/2019 15:00

I had a child free wedding and I’m bridesmaid at one in December as well, can’t wait to hand off my two girls to their aunties for the weekend Wine

importantkath · 27/01/2019 15:05

Go child free or don't go child free, it's your day. Probably best to wait until you get engaged before you start stressing over the specifics of a wedding.

However, you sound very immature, nasty and judgmental.

TheClaifeCrier · 27/01/2019 15:06

Child free weddings are fine. I'd consider allowing babies under six months though as they generally can't be without Mum for too long if breast fed.

However you need to accept that some people would decline. Getting angry about declines would automatically make you a bridezilla.

Not inviting plus ones is rude in my opinion.

RedWineIsFabulous · 27/01/2019 15:08

Do what you want to do.

We had a child free wedding. We never had children then but we do now.

If we’re invited to a child free wedding, we don’t take the children or we can’t go if we can’t get babysitters etc

It’s no big deal. It’s your wedding and no one else’s but for me having a child free wedding was the best thing ever and I would recommend it every time!

Good luck!

Smile
RedWineIsFabulous · 27/01/2019 15:10

I also can’t bear other people’s children so not inviting them was a no brainer!

I am nice really GrinGrinGrin

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 27/01/2019 15:12

We had no children apart from the family children,4 in total including ds.I was honest with everyone and luckily all of my friends didn't want to bring their children and saw it as a time to party childfree.

Loyaultemelie · 27/01/2019 15:12

No plus 1 is really odd why would people want to go to a wedding on their own Confused
As pps have said child free is your choice but accept those that decline with good grace child care is hard to come by for many of us and especially those who have dcs with additional needs

Grace212 · 27/01/2019 15:13

it's fine but don't get annoyed if anyone declines for childcare. I absolutely understand why you want no children at the wedding, but I also absolutely understand that might mean people decline.

Original poster
cinemalover · 27/01/2019 15:33

Sorry everyone for the delay in replying! Getting to it now- just been out for some lunch, caught in the rain on the way backSadBrew

OP posts:
Original poster
cinemalover · 27/01/2019 15:35

@Mummyme87 I'm on here as there are a million other topics other than childcare and parenting! So many funny stories too, snapped and farted etc.

Love AIBU too! Maybe I should have put this thereGrin I'm sure IABU.

OP posts:
Original poster
cinemalover · 27/01/2019 15:36

@Ragwort we are waiting some years- I don't graduate from my Law degree until I'm 24 nearly 25 so there's 4 years to go! We want to do a wedding after then and focus on buying a house currently as we are renting atm.

OP posts:
Original poster
cinemalover · 27/01/2019 15:38

@Loyaultemelie I get what you mean about the plus ones, in my situation, as it'll be a small, select wedding we will already know all our friends partners and family's partners so there's no need for plus ones, we will just invite the couple!

I personally wouldn't want to give someone a plus one and not know who they're bringing so that's why I said no plus ones.

OP posts:
Original poster
cinemalover · 27/01/2019 15:38

@RedWineIsFabulous you sound it!WinkGrin

OP posts:
Aragog · 27/01/2019 15:40

Are you happy to accept that some people may decline if they do have children? And I mean happy to accept - give them no grief, don't judge them, don't complain they're not coming, etc. Just accept it as a natural consequence of your choice.

Similarly with the plus ones - are you willing to happily accept some may decline?

Beforehand, when any plans need to be made by guests, make sure people know your 'rules' and that certain people aren't invited so that they can make a decision based on all the information.

And do be honest in saying that you simply don't want children there or people you don't know.

Do not try and use the daft statement of 'oh we want you to let your hair down and relax' as your excuse. At least own your decision - no children as a preference and/or to save you money.

Original poster
cinemalover · 27/01/2019 15:40

@TheClaifeCrier of course babies are a probable exception if it's someone I would really like there, I understand that and love babies anyway.

Haha, no I wouldn't fret to much if someone didn't come because of childcare, I'd try and make it as easy as poss though (invites out in time to find childcare/arrange something).

OP posts:
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