I'm just wondering how others would feel about this situation, and would appreciate perspective from brides as well as mums-to-be. Basically, right after my husband and I found out we were pregnant, he learned that SIL and her fiance' were planning to get engaged. I was only about 6 weeks pregnant at the time, but we decided to go ahead and tell SIL and my husbands extended family before SIL and her then BF got engaged so as not to "steal their thunder" (i.e., we were afraid that if we announced our pregnancy after they got engaged it might make them feel we were trying to take the spotlight away from the engagement) and so they could have their moment. In the same conversation, we chatted casually with SIL about the date when baby was due.
Fast-forward, and SIL and her fiance' got engaged a few days later and started chatting about dates and venues abroad for a destination wedding. SIL chatted with DH (her brother) about what her thoughts were and said the place they wanted to get married is a 10 hour flight from where we live and at a remote location -- and that she was looking to get married during the month baby is due. DH reminded SIL that I wouldn't be able to fly after about 6-7 months of pregnancy and reminded her when the baby was due and explained that I would not be able to attend if she chose that timeframe and that our two small children also would then not be able to attend, and that he certainly wouldn't risk leaving me too close to the due date to attend by himself.
In the end, SIL and her fiance' chose a date about 3 weeks before I am due, which means our children (SIL's only nephew and niece) and I won't be able to attend. This places DH in a difficult position as well, as he is nervous about going so close to the due date but will still probably go provided the pregnancy is straightforward. DH is sad to have to spend the money on an expensive flight ticket when the rest of us can't go, and is sad that the children and I won't be a part of the occasion. SIL has so few family members just her parents, brother (my DH) and myself along with DH's and my children. I do feel that SIL has always resented me for marrying her brother because they had a close relationship and he had less time for her after he started dating me and got married, but I had hoped that she had moved beyond those resentments as things seemed to be a bit better now that she had her own partner, and I hoped having all the family together for a wedding would be important to her.
As an aside, when DH and I got married, we also had an international wedding... but we asked his family when they were available to fly internationally and even accommodated SIL's work schedule and pushed our wedding back by two months so she could maintain the work schedule she wanted.
In the end, I totally believe that it's her right to chose when she has her wedding and obviously having the date and venue she wanted was more important to her than having her niece, nephew and me at her wedding. I just find it a bit of a disappointment that it wasn't a higher priority to her as from my perspective it's nice for family to be able to celebrate milestones together if at all possible. Wondering what others think of this, and how some of you would handle it. Thanks in advance.