Messy wedding situation, major anxiety!

[Helpmeplan]

Back story. Mother and I have a very difficult relationship, and there have been times she has stopped speaking for years.

Currently she lives 200 miles away, which is nice, but she has decided to move 45 miles away which is far too close. This was announced today.

Announced DP and I are getting married and she has started taking over. Whilst Dad and her are being lovely about paying for the reception etc I have this awful sense of obligation again.

She has spoken to the photographer about editing out my tattoos, told me I'll look stupid with a veil, announced my shoes are not suitable. Badgers me about every detail, and I'm at the point that I want to run away and get married in secret. She is actually stressing me out to the point I want to cry. I can't deal with her. She has to be in charge, and centre of attention, and I am at the point where I am dreading our wedding day.

It's your wedding. Even if she is helping pay, she doesn't get to dictate what happens. Don't really understand why people think they get a say in something if they are offering money as a gift. How the person chooses to spend the money is up to them.

We’re having a real shoe string wedding, Mum offered more than double out budget but it came with strings. When I said “thanks but no thanks” she suggested we just have a registry office with witnesses from the street. I said I would still invite everyone who I wanted but it was up to them whether they come.
She’s having real problems with everyone else talking about the wedding when she maintains the pretence of disappointment. After the initial hurt I’m happy with my choice. I’d imagine she’ll come and make a scene but I’m already expecting it so it won’t ruin anything.

Yes, just decline her money. You can't accept the money but not her opinion -you can't be editing out your tattoos even if they are not to her (or my) taste.