Everyone is shitting on my wedding plans

[FairytaleOfSkegness]

Warning: this will potentially turn into a very long rant

Me and DP got engaged at Christmas, we decided to get married this year on the anniversary of us getting together as this year it falls on a Saturday. Getting married on that date is really important to us and the first thing we both agreed on.

Anyway we decided to get married just us at a registry office that day and then hold a "wedding" for everyone else two weeks later as DP has some important exams both before and after the marriage and we didn't want him to be stressed and not enjoy the day. In the evening we are planning to visit the restaurant we went to on our first date and then home for an early night.

Now this is where the problems start. We told our parents this part of the plan and my mum immediately invited herself. I wasn't too unhappy about this, suggested that we went for breakfast with our respective families beforehand them met up at the registry office after, got married, maybe took a few photos and had some prosecco and then everyone would leave and let me and DP get on with our planned evening together. This however isn't good enough for my mum she keeps suggesting other activities that we could do after like go for cream tea or go round a nearby castle. A) this isn't me and B) the less our families see of each other the better as I can tell they won't get on

Now getting on to our wedding celebration two weeks later. We've hired out some land with yurts on. The idea is that the immediate wedding party can all share the large yurt should they wish and we will have a smaller one. Guestlist is confined to closee friends and family yet is nearing 70 which is stressing me out as I didn't want a huge wedding! It's a bit middle of nowhere (about an hour from where the majority of guests live) but there is a campsite literally over the road and plenty of B&B's nearby. We're planning on buying a tonne of alcohol for everyone as there is no bar and hiring a fish and chip van so everyone is well fed and watered but my dad is annoyed cos it's not a proper sit down meal.

My mum is annoyed because I'm planning to wear boots (doc martens) with my wedding dress. My dad thinks none of it is fancy enough and suggested I have a third fake wedding for my grandma's to go to which would be a proper traditional do. One of my close friends has suggested that we are getting married too quickly and should put it off for a while.

I want nothing more than to marry my DP but everyone's attitudes are completely spoiling everything for me and I feel like canceling the whole thing and getting married in secret! DP is annoyingly chill about the whole thing and just says "don't worry it will all work out in the end" but I can't help just feeling sad

Sorry this turned into such a long rant. If anyone got this far then thank you!

Yes Glittery - I have very fond memories of that day, but had we been in wellies, waterproofs, sat on soggy hay bales trying to eat a pork sandwich before it disintegrated into mush I'm no so sure I'd feel the same!

The yurt thing could work if you maybe got some gazebos people could shelter under if it rained - something like this for £60: FoxHunter Waterproof 3m x 6m PE Gazebo Marquee Awning Party Tent Canopy White 120g PE Power Coated Steel Frame https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B004DVSCY8/ref=cmswwrcppapi_Ys54ybBAMZSK7

You can also hire "posh" portaloo's with accessible cubicles which would make a big difference.

I think even then you'd have to think about getting some seating sorted and also maybe think about some sort of heating as even in summer it will get cold.

The question then becomes, does doing this become more expensive than simply hiring the local village hall/cricket club? Not a issue if the "type" of event is a priority - but would be if cost is a significant concern.

You can have the wddding you want, absolutely
No one should interfere with your choices
But they do have the right to refuse the invite.

The question then becomes, does doing this become more expensive than simply hiring the local village hall/cricket club? Not a issue if the "type" of event is a priority - but would be if cost is a significant concern.

Quickly.
I briefly looked at hiring a marquee and a field and quickly decided it was no cheaper. .. and was going to be a project management nightmare.

Haven't even read the first page yet, but just wanted to say your wedding sounds utterly perfect to me!
Exactly the sort of thing I would have but with veggie food!

The best wedding I ever went to was in the middle of a field, we all camped, had a bonfire cooked our own food and they had live bands and music, and sort of medieval style tents with haybales covered in throws.

(and I would also be wearing boots!)

Don't listen to anyone else.
I don't get this "wedding is about family" thing.
Most of mine are utter arseholes anyway, but even so, it's your day, it's about you and not what Auntie Mabel thinks.

I love camping and I love festivals and the idea of a wedding that was like being at a festival would be amazing. But would cost a fortune.

You need to hire in a marquee to provide cover for rain or sun.
You need good toilet blocks. With showers for people who are camping.
You need to hire a bar and equipment, you can't just chuck a bunch of tinnies in a cool box. You need to hire tables and chairs of some sort. Hay bales are good too. You need some flooring. In case it's been damp before. Heat lamps. You may need to provide your own power too with a generator. Then you're going to need to help with setting all this up. Taking delivery and getting it all collected afterwards.

And thats before you started decorating. You need lots of flowers, candles and fairy lights. Rugs and furs and blankets. Cushions and soft furnishings to stop it looking like a scout tent. If you are in the uk and it's cold and wet it will be a bit shit.
Where abouts are you based? Perhaps we can help find a venue for you?

I was also going to say that your back up plan of the local pub wont work. &0 people can't descend on a pub and expect them to cope. Plus you've paid for fish and chips and have your booze already.

It's also fair to say the pub won't really be a back up either I would have thought.

The chances of the weather being great realistically mean the pub is more likely venue than the field.

I also think there's a risk your guests who are less camping tolerant will simply bugger off there, leaving your wedding party split in two.

There are plain barn venues which you can hire and you decorate.
They'd likely have tables, chairs and toilets.
Where are you? I'm sure we could find something?

fruitbrewhaha and glitteryfrog we are based in Nottingham and would ideally like to not have to travel too far.

Whilst I like the current yurts we have I do think they maybe don't have enough facilities for this many guests but actual wedding venue camping places we saw cost an absolute fortune!

I'm usually of the opinion that it's your wedding and you should plan it exactly how you want, but as you are the hosts then you do also need to make sure you cater for the majority of people (e.g. Are there alternative foods for those who don't eat fish, are there enough toilet facilities, a range of accommodation nearby, do you have a suitable plan if it is cold/rainy). As for the wedding just not being to some people's tastes, then I wouldn't worry at all about that, it's good to be a bit different!

I maybe picked up something wrongly in your original post but it sounded like your parents and his parents hadn't actually met?? I do find that a little odd if you're about to get married, unless of course it's not possible for practical reasons like they live abroad. And sorry if I did misunderstand what you said in your first post.

beekeeper you're right they haven't met. I moved away for university and settled down in the new town where I met my partner. We've both met each others parents but our parents have never met. Tbh there hasn't really been an occasion that would warrant it and as I said I don't think they'll get along so haven't encouraged it.

I'll probably be blasted now for being out of line but that rings alarm bells with me. You've made the decision to marry this man and bring both your families together through your marriage, but haven't brought both sets of parents together to meet each other? If they're so different that you don't think they'll get on, are any of those differences reflected in your relationship with your fiancée (in my experience they often are), and if so, do you think you'll be able to overcome them? Also, if you think there will be tensions when they meet, will that not cause you more stress if the first time they meet is on your wedding day??

beekeeper I do see what you're saying, it's more that I am also very different from my parents. I get on with his parents very well, almost better than my own. I suppose the stress of them meeting is also adding to the general stress of the wedding though

I guess it's a bit of a different situation if you think you're quite different to your parents. I'm in my thirties and have a few friends who unfortunately gone through divorce, and although they were very much in love and wanted to spend the rest of their lives with each other when they married, there has been a common theme in that they have been from quite different backgrounds and this has caused issues further down the line. That's why something like this always rings alarm bells with me. I don't know much about your situation though and can see that it could be different from this.

However I wouldn't advise that you have this added stress on your wedding day. Why not organise for you all to meet for dinner some evening somewhere between where they both live? If it's just for dinner, it will only be for a couple of hours, so not that long if things don't go well, but really, how bad can it be! They're going to have to meet at some point anyway!

I think it sounds lovely.

Buy lots of disposable rain ponchos, and lots of second hand wellies and brollies, and pop them in the yurts.

I think your wedding sounds perfect. If it is the day you want do it!! I told my mum this is what's happening, she got the hump and got told if you don't like it, don't come!! We did what we wanted, everyone was there and we all had a whale of a time. Have s wonderful day and a fun filled party the way you want!

Bee, I would never ever have inflicted my parents on anyone. Meeting once at a wedding would be fine!

Booboodeboo - but there are only two yurts, if I've understood correctly: one for the B&G to sleep in, one for 12 friends to sleep in. So if it really rains (or is really hot) there is little point in second wellies and a couple of brollies - it will be a really uncomfortable event.

Booboodeboo
The problem is that UK weather is totally unreliable. If we lived in the Mediterranean it would be no problem.
I've been to festivals in July and ended up in blazing sunshine and rain at 45 degrees at the same event.

A few ponchos isn't going to cut it. You need a proper wet weather solution.
A building, marquee or something. Especially if you're inviting people who might not be as happy in a field as you. Even Glastonbury has marquees to hide in.

It's not just the day of the event, if you're unlucky and it rains for three days before hand it's going to turn into a bog... Even if the actual day is lovely.