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Original poster

Everyone is shitting on my wedding plans

144 replies

FairytaleOfSkegness · 03/04/2017 15:55

Warning: this will potentially turn into a very long rant

Me and DP got engaged at Christmas, we decided to get married this year on the anniversary of us getting together as this year it falls on a Saturday. Getting married on that date is really important to us and the first thing we both agreed on.

Anyway we decided to get married just us at a registry office that day and then hold a "wedding" for everyone else two weeks later as DP has some important exams both before and after the marriage and we didn't want him to be stressed and not enjoy the day. In the evening we are planning to visit the restaurant we went to on our first date and then home for an early night.

Now this is where the problems start. We told our parents this part of the plan and my mum immediately invited herself. I wasn't too unhappy about this, suggested that we went for breakfast with our respective families beforehand them met up at the registry office after, got married, maybe took a few photos and had some prosecco and then everyone would leave and let me and DP get on with our planned evening together. This however isn't good enough for my mum she keeps suggesting other activities that we could do after like go for cream tea or go round a nearby castle. A) this isn't me and B) the less our families see of each other the better as I can tell they won't get on

Now getting on to our wedding celebration two weeks later. We've hired out some land with yurts on. The idea is that the immediate wedding party can all share the large yurt should they wish and we will have a smaller one. Guestlist is confined to closee friends and family yet is nearing 70 which is stressing me out as I didn't want a huge wedding! It's a bit middle of nowhere (about an hour from where the majority of guests live) but there is a campsite literally over the road and plenty of B&B's nearby. We're planning on buying a tonne of alcohol for everyone as there is no bar and hiring a fish and chip van so everyone is well fed and watered but my dad is annoyed cos it's not a proper sit down meal.

My mum is annoyed because I'm planning to wear boots (doc martens) with my wedding dress. My dad thinks none of it is fancy enough and suggested I have a third fake wedding for my grandma's to go to which would be a proper traditional do. One of my close friends has suggested that we are getting married too quickly and should put it off for a while.

I want nothing more than to marry my DP but everyone's attitudes are completely spoiling everything for me and I feel like canceling the whole thing and getting married in secret! DP is annoyingly chill about the whole thing and just says "don't worry it will all work out in the end" but I can't help just feeling sad

Sorry this turned into such a long rant. If anyone got this far then thank you!

OP posts:

Oldraver · 03/04/2017 17:09

Cancel all the add ons and go back to the Register Office with just you two

MrsEvadneCake · 03/04/2017 17:10

Weddings are for the couple. To celebrate how they want. Do it your way because it sounds fabulous. You will always upset someone with your plans because you can't make everyone happy, so make sure that they are what you want.
I got married in DMs

Lottapianos · 03/04/2017 17:13

'Me and my DP have never married and this type of thread reminds me how happy I am that that is the case. Everyone seems to go nuts.'

Exactly what I was thinking knowler! If DP and I ever do get married, it will be in secret and we will tell no-one

OP, I agree with others - no further discussion of plans, do what you want, nod and smile and deflect by asking them about their own weddings. People love to wang on about themselves almost as much as they love interfering!

Dozer · 03/04/2017 17:13

Your friend thinking that may NBU if you haven't been together that long: unless the friend is generally too forward with their opinion on your life that one is forgiveable IMO!

it sounds like your immediate family are hurt not to be there for the ceremony. Which is understandable and to be expected, but you have made your decision.

On a practical matter, during the last two weeks for that kind of wedding there will be loads and loads to do. All kinds of stuff you'd never think of before organising a wedding. If your DP has exams during that time it'd be better to do that bit later.

Meeting up for breakfast on the day but not being at the registry office would be very difficult for many parents IMO. Worse than not being part of the day at all, for some.

NewPuppyMum · 03/04/2017 17:19

Cancel everything YOU don't truly want and make your fiancé see that things may not just work out and definitely NOT as you want without words and planning. Tell him to stop being a quiet life nincompoop. I get your mum will be disappointed and maybe even angry but this is your wedding, she's had hers. mine threatened to commit suicide if I didn't invite her even though she gave me away and I hadn't seen her in years

PovertyJetset · 03/04/2017 17:21

Everything apart from the yurt part sounds fine and dandy.

The yurt part sounds terrible. Sorry to say.

Middle of nowhere- how am I to get home? Are their loads of cab companies? I don't camp, what's the B and B situation?

Fish and chips- I'm vegetarian, or vegan or GF

Yurt- I have back and knee problems, will there be proper seating? What if it's cold? What if it's wet?

Not all of those questions are ones I would pose, but just to give you a flAvour of what's coming your way .

IF you don't want a big wedding then don't do it. But don't do something that shows scant regard for your guests and their comfort.

Big yurt wedding, thought out places to stay for information, cabs booked or easily booked. A suitable choice of food.

FWIW I did a diy wedding before they were common. We asked people to bring a picnic to share in a meadow and hired a mrquee for later on, had a hog roast, salads and local cheeses in the eve. Taxi booked out for the night to shuttle people
Home and a list of cheap- expensive places to stay with friends helping out with offering up spare bedrooms where they could.

PerspicaciaTick · 03/04/2017 17:27

Honestly - tell everyone that you are hacked off with their attitude and you've decided to cancel.

Then go ahead with your original plan of just the pair of you at the register office with a lovely meal afterwards.

Hesdeadjim · 03/04/2017 17:29

I'm getting married next year OP, on the 10th anniversary of the day we got together so i get the date thing and also the family thing, it can be a nightmare.

I know the popular opinion on here is "your wedding your choice" and of course that's correct, but in reality things work a bit differently to that. You need to accommodate your guests to an extent, so consider if you have elderly relatives for example where there's loo access, or how people will manage to eat without a table and chairs if they're older or are juggling none-walking kids. Also a drink in one hand and food in the other isn't easy! You want people to enjoy your day along side you, so the comfort of your guests is kind of important.

If I'm honest, your plan sounds lovely and "festival vibe" and none traditional which is great, but there's much more practical ways to achieve this than expecting everyone to camp in a yurt together which, frankly, many people will make excuses to avoid. I would. We're having a similar vibe but in a village hall with an adjoining field. Big sharing platters (baked Camembert, roast beef and turkey then pavlova) for the food and a free bar all day where people help themselves. Music from friends bands all day so it's kind of like a big music festival.

You also need to consider the weather. Raining in a yurt will be utterly miserable I'm afraid. Fine to plan outdoor stuff but you need a backup plan in case of muddy conditions.

I'll agree with others though on wear whatever the hell you want, that bit is no one elses call :)

Equally your DP has exams around the date of your wedding which is obviously not ideal. Even when you get married at the registry office, do you really want to start your married life with that amount of stress? Also, the most stressful part of a wedding is the 2 weeks before it when all the final plans are going together, so even if you do hold off on the big party until after his exams, that stressful part of the organising will fall exactly during his exams :(

There's an easy solution: Wait a year. I know the thought of that is horrid and I totally sympathize, but the timing is just wrong this year. If you're going to stick it through as a couple, 1 year is going to make no difference what so ever :) Next year your anniversary will be on a Sunday, so you could still have the party on the Saturday, then register the wedding legally the day after at the registry office. Or register it on the Saturday/ Monday. You could have a big celebration at midnight to mark the anniversary too.

Remember a marriage is for 2 people, but weddings are unfortunately for families.

diddl · 03/04/2017 17:30

So what is the plan for the guests?

No invitation to the ceremony but fish & chips & a party in a field with a yurt to sleep in with all the other guests?

hamandmustard · 03/04/2017 17:31

I dont have any problem with people who want to get married alone without family or friends. That is their choice.

But to then have a party and a set it up as pseudo wedding 2 weeks later is not really on in my book. Seems a bit like a party to get presents - certainly isn't a wedding to me (sorry OP but I can see why your family are hacked off about it all).

Fish and chips in a yurt. Greasy food and potentially cold/rainy. So jeans and t shirts dress code (that would go with camping as no chance to do hair/make up/get glammed up). Not my thing personally but you know your family and friends and they might love it.

I would probably decline unless you were one of my children. I probably couldn't be bothered with that much hassle for a casual party.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 03/04/2017 17:33

Tell your mother to organize a renewing of vows celebration with your father and she can arrange cream teas and castle visits to her heart's content for her own event, every single time she makes a suggestion.

Thinkingblonde · 03/04/2017 17:33

Baggy trousers.
We were invited to the wedding in Ibiza but we couldn't go. When we saw the photos we were surprised to see some of the happy couple at our local registry office, they said the Ibiza one wasn't legally binding. So yes, it was a booze up on the beach with a wedding thrown it. At least she got her monies worth out of the dress. She got to wear it three times. The evening do was a few weeks after the fake and real ones.

InfiniteSheldon · 03/04/2017 17:34

I think you should go to Maui

limitedperiodonly · 03/04/2017 17:34

Your plans sound great. Go ahead and do it.

I know you're very excited - I was - but resist the urge to share details. It only encourages the moaners. I listened and nodded, thinking all the while: 'Why don't you look it up in the A-Z? And find your own parking space (free on Saturdays). And a McDonalds, if you don't think your children will eat the dinner.'

SolomanDaisy · 03/04/2017 17:37

The whole yurt thing sounds terrible. I think your family are annoyed because there has been no thought at all for the guests, just what you want. I went to a similarly thoughtless wedding once and it was grim for the guests, not a joyful celebration.

supersop60 · 03/04/2017 17:37

It's YOUR wedding. As long as you're not planning to make your guests pay for a castle - do it your way. It sounds great. My sister's wedding was the best I've ever been to. Register Office, then down to the pub for dinner. FAB.

Original poster

FairytaleOfSkegness · 03/04/2017 17:37

Oh wow I wasn't expecting this many responses! And mostly very positive too!

We've thought about the legal ceremony and are both happy to have parents and siblings there it's them trying to organise activities after!

Probably should have mentioned this but we are planning on having a humanist ceremony at the yurts so everyone would see us get married just not the legal signing of the papers!

Most of our family and friends enjoy camping so asking them to isn't too far out of their comfort zone. My parents have a caravan that they would be staying in and we've reserved a b&b down the road for grandparents. Our friends are welcome to stay in the yurt as a group but won't be offended if they would rather camp privately or get a b&b

I think you're all right that I shouldn't have mentioned anything about our plans! That's how our small wedding has snowballed to having 70 guests!

Yurts in a field is 100% us but I'm wondering if I should have just hired a nice hall or function room in a pub for an easier life! Although I don't know if we'll regret changing our plans later on but right now I'm so stressed.

OP posts:

hamandmustard · 03/04/2017 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SingingSilver · 03/04/2017 17:37

It's your day - the two of you. Do exactly what will make you happy. There's no point compromising to half-please others, it'll leave you all unsatisfied.

Mermaidinthesea123 · 03/04/2017 17:39

Things very rarely "work out in the end" without a great deal of forward thinking and planning.
is he prepared to do any of that or just leave the whole thing to you? Worth thinking about.

Bitchycocktailwaitress · 03/04/2017 17:39

Thinking blond. Oh my goodness so she asked people to travel all that way for a fake ceremony. Then dressed up as a bride three times!

You get one day, 1.

Headofthehive55 · 03/04/2017 17:42

It's not a wedding you are inviting people to - it's a mass camping event and pretending it's a wedding.

It would be hard to get excited about it.

It would remind me of guide camp.

Dozer · 03/04/2017 17:42

So you've even invited them to the actual ceremony! Just say no to additional plans.

If you think 70 is too big, reduce the numbers.

Topseyt · 03/04/2017 17:43

Just elope. Much easier.

Headofthehive55 · 03/04/2017 17:44

(And I am a die hard camper! )

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