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Original poster

Everyone is shitting on my wedding plans

144 replies

FairytaleOfSkegness · 03/04/2017 15:55

Warning: this will potentially turn into a very long rant

Me and DP got engaged at Christmas, we decided to get married this year on the anniversary of us getting together as this year it falls on a Saturday. Getting married on that date is really important to us and the first thing we both agreed on.

Anyway we decided to get married just us at a registry office that day and then hold a "wedding" for everyone else two weeks later as DP has some important exams both before and after the marriage and we didn't want him to be stressed and not enjoy the day. In the evening we are planning to visit the restaurant we went to on our first date and then home for an early night.

Now this is where the problems start. We told our parents this part of the plan and my mum immediately invited herself. I wasn't too unhappy about this, suggested that we went for breakfast with our respective families beforehand them met up at the registry office after, got married, maybe took a few photos and had some prosecco and then everyone would leave and let me and DP get on with our planned evening together. This however isn't good enough for my mum she keeps suggesting other activities that we could do after like go for cream tea or go round a nearby castle. A) this isn't me and B) the less our families see of each other the better as I can tell they won't get on

Now getting on to our wedding celebration two weeks later. We've hired out some land with yurts on. The idea is that the immediate wedding party can all share the large yurt should they wish and we will have a smaller one. Guestlist is confined to closee friends and family yet is nearing 70 which is stressing me out as I didn't want a huge wedding! It's a bit middle of nowhere (about an hour from where the majority of guests live) but there is a campsite literally over the road and plenty of B&B's nearby. We're planning on buying a tonne of alcohol for everyone as there is no bar and hiring a fish and chip van so everyone is well fed and watered but my dad is annoyed cos it's not a proper sit down meal.

My mum is annoyed because I'm planning to wear boots (doc martens) with my wedding dress. My dad thinks none of it is fancy enough and suggested I have a third fake wedding for my grandma's to go to which would be a proper traditional do. One of my close friends has suggested that we are getting married too quickly and should put it off for a while.

I want nothing more than to marry my DP but everyone's attitudes are completely spoiling everything for me and I feel like canceling the whole thing and getting married in secret! DP is annoyingly chill about the whole thing and just says "don't worry it will all work out in the end" but I can't help just feeling sad

Sorry this turned into such a long rant. If anyone got this far then thank you!

OP posts:

caffeinequick · 03/04/2017 19:46

Your plans sound great! Ignore those who interfere.

Hesdeadjim · 03/04/2017 19:47

We're having a Humanist wedding.. because we're humanists.

Can I just say that anyone and everyone saying it's 'not the real wedding': you're being incredibly insensitive and downright offensive in some cases.

A Humanist wedding is just as 'real' as any other wedding. It's about promises you make to each other and the love between two people, except you have no obligation to say a bunch of arbitrary words that mean nothing to you and can mention any god, idea or fantasy creature you bloody well like. You sign the register in the morning with no ceremony at all, then make your vows and make your commitments at the ceremony later on.

My guests won't even know the registry office took place in the morning, as far as they will know they're attending the legal ceremony and will only know it's a separate ceremony to the legal registration if they ask.

Which they won't, because if they were asshats they wouldn't be invited.

PovertyJetset · 03/04/2017 20:00

I'm sorry but if you asked me to bunk up with 11 other people I would be most put out! Yuk.

Astro55 · 03/04/2017 21:05

Hesdeadjim

You are so right about people being rude! Maybe they can be enlightened in another's idea of a wedding and not have such a limited view of 'what's proper'

Hulder · 03/04/2017 21:32

Personally I would scrap the whole date of the yurts and start again from scratch including the guest list.

On version 2 I would not be sharing details with parents etc so you ended up with a guest list that is doable in a village hall with normal caterers etc - everyone finds out only when Save the Dates are sent out.

Saves a whole lot of hassle. Both me and DH have small families but found they had an endless ability to invite randoms given the chance. We started with venue with max 40 and refused to budge.

Congratulations

Moussemoose · 03/04/2017 21:48

PovertyJetset

"I'm sorry but if you asked me to bunk up with 11 other people I would be most put out! Yuk"

And everybody would be devastated that you could not attend. Or relieved. Or down right ecstatic that your miserable face wasn't there!

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 03/04/2017 22:16

I think your wedding plans sound great- and everyone will see you get married, during the humanist ceremony, so it's fair for all.

People don't have to camp if they don't want to (I probably wouldn't) but it sounds like there are other options.

Stand your ground and enjoy your day!

Wikky · 04/04/2017 02:05

And everybody would be devastated that you could not attend. Or relieved. Or down right ecstatic that your miserable face wasn't there!

Lol, and my miserable face wouldn't be there either... I'd be lording it up in the nearest hotel or back home in my bed.

I wouldn't tell anyone my thoughts though. I'd be all oh wow, a yurt, how fantastic, I think you are all going to have a smashing time, I'm so sorry I can't join you. Maybe next time?

Astro55 · 04/04/2017 07:25

Maybe next time?

Is that an acceptable reply to a wedding invite? LOL

Ecclesiastes · 04/04/2017 07:44

How stressed is your DP about all this, OP! Or are you doing all the thinking/worrying/organising by yourself?

You say he's the one 'pushing to get married'...let him sort it out.

or put the whole thing off

Whileweareonthesubject · 04/04/2017 07:52

You should have the wedding you want. However, if I were a potential guest, I would politely decline an invitation. I have some mobility issues, which although slight, would be far worse in a field! I am also not going to want to share a yurt with anyone other than dh and I don't imagine too many b+b owners would be too happy with guests returning at all hours, possibly muddy and wet. So I'd wish you all the best and say I'd see you after the honeymoon. Actually, anyone likely to invite me to their wedding would be aware that I'd be very unlikely to be able to attend, so I'd probably assume I'd been asked out of duty, not because you actually want me to be there.

SoulAccount · 04/04/2017 08:17

Your wedding sounds great.

Have people bring event shelters and gazebos and borrow as many camping chairs as you can.

No one has to sleep in a communal yurt, they can go to a B&B or drive home.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 04/04/2017 09:38

I think this thread is evenly split between campers and non-campers. Its either "Yeah, camping!!" or "Hell No, in these shoes?!"

Wikky · 04/04/2017 09:48

I think this thread is evenly split between campers and non-campers. Its either "Yeah, camping!!" or "Hell No, in these shoes?!"

Im not sure about that. I love camping but I think that's diffferent to standing around in a field for a weddding celebration. I have my stuff with me when I'm camping and I have thing to do - walking or going to pubs or whatever. I think the wedding in a field could be fantastic but you would have to give it a lot of thought (which I'm sure the OP is doing 😊)

Willow2017 · 04/04/2017 09:59

Your wedding your choice end of.

Sit down with dp and review everything. Cut back anything your mum has suggested you dont want and leave only what you want. You know your friends and if you know they are happy camping or caravaning then that's what you do.

Tell mum you are NOT doing cream teas or anything else. You have made plans for YOUR wedding day. She can go for a cream tea after with your pil if she wants to😉

Tell her and your dad you will wear what you want.

I just wouldn't discuss it any more if they cant stop complaining about it.

Have a great time doing exactly what you want to do. The humanist ceremony and yurts sound fab btw 😀

PovertyJetset · 04/04/2017 10:00

mousemoose thanks for that, that's the spirit!

When did giving an option, which the OP is seeking, permit others to stick the boot in, in such a nasty way?

miserable face I'll have you know I have a very cheerful face, and had I been invited to the ops wedding I'd rock up with my bell tent, yeti box and wellies and be ready to have a rare old time. But there you go, name calling and in with the nastiness. It's just not necessary.

Peace and love everyone

Greenkit · 04/04/2017 10:08

We eloped, got married and then had a party when we got back

Best day ever

cowbag1 · 04/04/2017 10:37

I too think the yurt idea is a bad one. The laidback vibe those type of weddings aim for actually takes a heck of a lot of planning and organising (and normally costs a fortune too). Just a few other things that might be problematic - if you plan on partying until early in the morning, the b&bs might be hacked off with people traipsing in at all hours.

And the pub over the road might take issue with becoming a last minute wedding venue in the event of bad weather (because places like to charge a fortune to hold things like this normally and don't like people trying to get round this by pretending it's not a wedding!).

You would also have to figure out toilets, seating, blankets and umbrellas for bad weather. And a free bar for 70 will be very expensive.

juneau · 04/04/2017 10:43

It's your wedding. Do exactly what you want. If you don't you'll forever regret letting everyone else elbow in on your plans. This is YOUR day, not theirs.

So don't run it by anyone (even your close families), just send them invitations with all the details and that you hope they will come. End of story.

PovertyJetset · 04/04/2017 10:51

Yes an "effortless" wedding actually has a great deal of planning in it. And ££ to make it appear that way.

I did go to a friends event which was at a cricket club and out in the sun. There were no tables or chairs, no picnic blankets and we were not allowed to bring the indoor stuff out. Some people brought their own booze, got kicked out. Some people brought disposable bbqs and stank the place out. Instead of it being a charming outdoor mini festival it looked like a bunch of students had popped to the shitty spar and brought some cider and cheap sausages. Hideous.

EatsShitAndLeaves · 04/04/2017 11:14

I went to a wedding that was similar to what you are planning.

We all brought tents and camped in a field.

It was great fun.

They'd laid on a hog roast, put out straw bales to sit on and a beer tent.

Friends who were musicians brought their guitars and it was all very quaint and lovely.

However they were bloody lucky with the weather and I suspect it would have been very different if it had been chucking it down.

Spending the day in a muddy field isn't that much fun even for hardened campers.

On balance I think I'd reconsider the Yurt aspect simply because whilst it could be great - it could also be hideous.

Astro55 · 04/04/2017 12:18

Just a thought! Our local park has a bandstand - great for a ceremony - lovely grass for a tent or yurt and a play park for the kids! And toilets!

Ideal for a burger van as well!!

Maybe closer than the field - but same principal

Glitteryfrog · 04/04/2017 13:10

However they were bloody lucky with the weather and I suspect it would have been very different if it had been chucking it down.

This is exactly the problem.
I've been to a wedding with a marquee in a garden. It was lovely... But it was the hottest day of the year.
Even then it gets cold quickly.

You need a shelter of some sort - big enough for everyone. Sun or rain
Seating - enough for everyone. Eating and spending all day stood up is horrid.

Bitchycocktailwaitress · 04/04/2017 13:26

OP, we had an open bar for 70 guests as well so feel free to ask about quantities if you are not sure what to buy.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 04/04/2017 13:34

I hear what your Dad is saying in terms of Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, etc. - portaloos are not my favourite thing either.

I agree.

I am disabled and would really struggle with a field, especially in bad weather.

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