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Original poster

Everyone is shitting on my wedding plans

144 replies

FairytaleOfSkegness · 03/04/2017 15:55

Warning: this will potentially turn into a very long rant

Me and DP got engaged at Christmas, we decided to get married this year on the anniversary of us getting together as this year it falls on a Saturday. Getting married on that date is really important to us and the first thing we both agreed on.

Anyway we decided to get married just us at a registry office that day and then hold a "wedding" for everyone else two weeks later as DP has some important exams both before and after the marriage and we didn't want him to be stressed and not enjoy the day. In the evening we are planning to visit the restaurant we went to on our first date and then home for an early night.

Now this is where the problems start. We told our parents this part of the plan and my mum immediately invited herself. I wasn't too unhappy about this, suggested that we went for breakfast with our respective families beforehand them met up at the registry office after, got married, maybe took a few photos and had some prosecco and then everyone would leave and let me and DP get on with our planned evening together. This however isn't good enough for my mum she keeps suggesting other activities that we could do after like go for cream tea or go round a nearby castle. A) this isn't me and B) the less our families see of each other the better as I can tell they won't get on

Now getting on to our wedding celebration two weeks later. We've hired out some land with yurts on. The idea is that the immediate wedding party can all share the large yurt should they wish and we will have a smaller one. Guestlist is confined to closee friends and family yet is nearing 70 which is stressing me out as I didn't want a huge wedding! It's a bit middle of nowhere (about an hour from where the majority of guests live) but there is a campsite literally over the road and plenty of B&B's nearby. We're planning on buying a tonne of alcohol for everyone as there is no bar and hiring a fish and chip van so everyone is well fed and watered but my dad is annoyed cos it's not a proper sit down meal.

My mum is annoyed because I'm planning to wear boots (doc martens) with my wedding dress. My dad thinks none of it is fancy enough and suggested I have a third fake wedding for my grandma's to go to which would be a proper traditional do. One of my close friends has suggested that we are getting married too quickly and should put it off for a while.

I want nothing more than to marry my DP but everyone's attitudes are completely spoiling everything for me and I feel like canceling the whole thing and getting married in secret! DP is annoyingly chill about the whole thing and just says "don't worry it will all work out in the end" but I can't help just feeling sad Sad

Sorry this turned into such a long rant. If anyone got this far then thank you!

OP posts:
amusedbush · 03/04/2017 16:33

Are you very young? Your DP is doing exams that's why I ask.

My friend is 28 and a doctor, yet still has exams. Studying doesn't necessarily mean someone is very young. I'm 27 and doing my degree part time around my job.

Fluffycloudland77 · 03/04/2017 16:33

4th version for family pets? Cakes made of whiskas and a bouquet of catnip mice?.

Tell them it's off, get married. Tell them after.

expatinscotland · 03/04/2017 16:34

Stop telling them the details!

BaggyCheeks · 03/04/2017 16:35

Stop telling everyone the plans - involving people is always where tales of wedding stress begin. It doesn't matter if your wedding is to the taste of your grandparents, I could only see your dad's point if you were planning something that was inaccessible to them.

I am a bit baffled by a PP's friend who had a fake Ibiza not-wedding, followed by the actual marriage ceremony back in the UK and a reception. The Ibiza bit seems a bit pointless other than for a holiday?

PollytheDolly · 03/04/2017 16:36

Elope. We did, just us and the dog. Was the best ever! No stress, no one else to worry about. We told most afterwards. Very close family and friends before but it was stated "this is what we are doing". End of conversation. Sounds harsh but it was our day, our wedding and it's our marriage.

chocolateworshipper · 03/04/2017 16:36

Have the wedding you and your DP want. That's all that matters.

expatinscotland · 03/04/2017 16:36

And what does the OP's age matter? Or how long they've been together? Or if they can afford an open bar. WTAF? It's their wedding! They're adults.

knowler · 03/04/2017 16:41

Look, I know this is all stressful, but just put your foot down. Get married by yourselves in the registry office on the day planned. you then have 2 options for the yurt bit of the proceedings - go ahead exactly as you have planned or cancel it completely. No half-way houses, no suggestions incorporated from others, no third weddings to keep granny happy.

Me and my DP have never married and this type of thread reminds me how happy I am that that is the case. Everyone seems to go nuts.

Vegansnake · 03/04/2017 16:43

I got married in dms.the black ones with flowers on,and a black lace dress...we didn't involve anyone in the planning...I think you are being to nice,just tell them what's happening.and do exactly what you want

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 03/04/2017 16:46

70 people is not a small wedding reception..is it?!
I would rather chew off my own arm than share a yurt with a load of drunk strangers, but each to their own.
How about, you do the reg office thing, with just family, with a low key lunch after, then have a party (yurts or otherwise) for you friends 2 weeks later?

badabing36 · 03/04/2017 16:48

I think this is just what happens when you're planning a wedding. People have all sorts of suggestions and make all sorts of plans. Stick to your guns. You're wedding sounds like fun.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 03/04/2017 16:50

Oh OP. Take a deep breath and remind your parents you love them and you are certain in your own minds this is what you & DP want and your ideas actually take a lot of pressure off them.
(Your grandmas might surprise you by being more open-minded than your parents so don't feel you ought to lay on a special version for them!).

It's hardly fireaters and vicars on stilts so if it doesn't fit their traditional picture of a wedding that's a shame but you want something fresh and less stuffy.
I am sure if you announced you were reconsidering and planning to fly abroad for a celebration away they'd be sad and disappointed so in the great scheme of things something like you're planning should be accessible.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 03/04/2017 16:52

Fairy, stick to your original, lovely, romantic plan.
You and your Husband to be, will always remember how special it was.
Do not meet up with anyone for breakfast, and enjoy your Wedding Evening alone, you won't regret it !
As for the next stage, re the Yurts, it sounds as though it's getting a bit out of hand, with too many guests, and too much input from others.
How about starting again. Hire a large room somewhere, and have a Pizza and Prosecco wedding, with plenty of it. People can move around freely, sit where they like, be dry and warm, but you can still wear your Doc's ! 😄

Jaysis · 03/04/2017 16:52

I got all this when I got engaged. So much shite - everyone had a fucking opinion and weren't shy on forcing it down my throat either.

So I told everyone the plans were off indefinitely, and if I got dictated to once more, I'd elope. That was 2013. Now they are begging me to get married which ever way I want, just marry! But I know if I even mention that I'm planning again I'll open the floodgates once more so I'm saying nothing until it's booked and paid for and no going back.

The only caveat I would say about your plans is to consider the needs of any disabled or elderly guests. That is if you want them there. I initially wanted a yurt/campsite wedding but as there are a couple of my loved ones in wheelchairs it simply would not be fair to them and no way would I marry without them there.

The last thing I'll say is, if you are paying yourself, please yourself. If your parents are contributing, well then expect that they will expect some say in the arrangements if they are paying for it.

JustMyLuckUnfortubately · 03/04/2017 16:52

Deep breath and remember your wedding day is all about the two of you.

Make it clear to your parents who is/isn't invited to the actual ceremony and what happens next. Explain no compromises.

As for the larger celebration I'm sure people will have fun. As you said if the offered accommodation & plans don't suit people can decline or they can stay nearby.

The planning should be fun so don't let anyone ruin it!

countrygirl55 · 03/04/2017 16:54

It's a marriage, not a wedding!

Whatever you want is right. Turn up in your peejams if you like and go to Nando's on your way back.

If other folk want their two pennorth, tell them to have a vow renewal and then they can do whatever they like.

FWIW, yurts, a chip supper and DMs sounds perfect to me :)

CherriesInTheSnow · 03/04/2017 16:54

Poor you Flowers

You wedding is a celebration of you and your partner's love and your unique relationship, it's not a party for your friends, a get together for your family or a networking event.

The only thing I would consider compromising on is anything that would make it physically difficult for someone I cared dearly about to attend the wedding at all. Anything else is your perogative.

If you were to ask me for my personal advice - I'd run away in secret. Me and OH will be semi eloping - a small legal marriage at a registry office, then it's off for a romantic weekend alone in Paris, and then a honeymoon with our small child (and child to be). No family drama, no debt to come away with, our idea of the epitome of romance - bliss Grin

Thinkingblonde · 03/04/2017 16:55

I've Re: read your op. OP.
Do you mean the guests sleep in the yurt? Is it sectioned off into little cubicles? What about toilets, washing facilities. The only yurts I've seen are like big ⛺️ with not much in them.

I don't think I'd like that tbh.
You can see that I don't know much about yurts,

Lules · 03/04/2017 16:58

It's completely up to you on what you wear etc but on the yurt thing. I went to a wedding like that and I had fun but it was an awful lot of work for the couple and I was so cold the whole time as were lots of other people when it got to the evening/night. And that was in August without it raining. You'll know what your guests will be up for though.

happypoobum · 03/04/2017 17:00

I think your parents will have to accept that if you really wanted your Grandparents at your wedding you would have arranged something that accommodated them.

I agree with PP - sharing a yurt with 70 drunken partygoers is my idea of hell, and I can see how the camping aspect might be tricky for elderly or disabled guests.

However, it's your wedding and you should have exactly how you want it.

Bitchycocktailwaitress · 03/04/2017 17:01

I think you are being a bit self indulgent by insisting you get married on your wedding anniversary at the detriment of other logistics like your H2B's exams.

Most couples chose their wedding date based on more practical considerations such as venue/supplier availability, season/weather, pricing, and the availability of their VIP guests.

In my opinion you lose much of the emotional connection when you separate your wedding ceremony and the reception afterwards.

Maybe there would be less complaints about your catering etc if your reception was at the normal time, i.e. Straight after your ceremony. Hmm

You're sort of telling people that they are good enough to celebrate your wedding with you but not good enough to see you actually get married and this could cause some hurt feelings. If you want a small private wedding then own it. No need for sleepover parties in yurts.

user1485984489 · 03/04/2017 17:04

Congratulations on getting engaged! And I agree with everyone else who says this is your wedding, and should be about what you and your DP want. Nothing else.

PS: Sounds like a fab party you have planned - loads beers in a field with friends and fish 'n' chips? I'd be there like a shot! Flowers

Catherinebee85 · 03/04/2017 17:06

Your plan sounds lovely and I'd definitely do something very similar if I got married! It's time to get firm with people. This is what you want and this is what you're having.

You probably need to be very repetitive. 'This is what we want, this is what we're having' when she/people make suggestions. You're gonna have to be very firm. Do not waver, do not say 'maybe' to suggestions, it'll only encourage!

hamandmustard · 03/04/2017 17:07

Honestly? You are inviting them to a party and not to the wedding. I wouldn't really be very motivated about that as a guest.

The ceremony is the important bit not the party afterwards.

dotdotdotmustdash · 03/04/2017 17:08

Why not have the Grannies etc along for the Registry office and a nice tea party and leave the yurts for the younger and fitter group?

AFAIK marriages are for couples, but weddings are for the family.