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Original poster

Is it clear that my children haven't been invited to this wedding?

28 replies

ElizabethG81 · 12/02/2016 22:25

My first ever wedding dilemma post Grin

I've received a wedding invite, the envelope was addressed solely to me and the actual invite inside has no names written on. They have included some information about where the wedding and reception is, where to stay, etc, and there is no mention at all about children. I'm presuming that this means the invite is just for me? Why can't it just be made expressly clear either way?

I don't mind either way, but will probably decline if my children aren't invited (it's at least a couple of hours away, would involve an overnight stay).

OP posts:
IoraRua · 12/02/2016 22:29

I imagine it's only for your, otherwise the other invitees would be named.

ClaraLane · 12/02/2016 22:30

I think traditional etiquette goes by what is written on the outer envelope so in this case I would presume you were the only one invited.

Original poster
ElizabethG81 · 12/02/2016 22:31

That's what I thought, the only reason I questioned it was because there are no names written on the actual invitation.

OP posts:
Tiggeryoubastard · 12/02/2016 22:31

It is clear. It's addressed to you, not you and family. Can't see why you'd think that was unclear.

Original poster
ElizabethG81 · 12/02/2016 22:33

Sorry, I'm not very well versed in wedding etiquette, which is why I asked.

OP posts:
loobylou10 · 12/02/2016 22:39

People being a bit unfair I think. It isn't very clear if no names are written on the actual invitation. I would be calling up for clarification op

MyKingdomForBrie · 12/02/2016 22:43

Don't know why people are being mean!! I was deliberately ambiguous like that one one of my save the dates as I didn't want to invite the partner of a girl in our friendship group (he's a bit of an arse) so wrote her on the envelope and didn't write on the card, unfortunately she just RSVP'd for both Grin

I would just ask OP

GColdtimer · 12/02/2016 22:49

Why are people bring srsey. Perhaps the wedding couple are not well versed in wedding etiquette Hmm

Op i would just ask - just say "thank you so much for the invitation, just wanted to check if it's for me or all of us."

Nospringflower · 12/02/2016 22:55

I agree with those who say it is unclear at the moment and you probably need to ask for clarification of who is invited. Doesn't seem an unreasonable response.

cece · 12/02/2016 22:59

I had a similar invite once. The wedding was a 4 hour drive away and involved staying in a hotel. I politely enquired with the mother of the bride who was actually invited as it didn't mention the dc at all on the envelope or invite itself. It turned out that they were invited. Hmm

StitchesInTime · 12/02/2016 23:00

It doesn't sound clear to me. I'd expect them to either include names of the children in the invite, or a note about no children invited.

I'd ask them for clarification.

Original poster
ElizabethG81 · 12/02/2016 23:02

Thanks. It feels a bit awkward though, as it seems that they're not invited, so I don't want them to think I'm pushing for an invite and make them feel awkward. It just seems like it could have all been so much simpler by writing the names of the people invited on the actual invite, or making a clear reference to the kids/no kids stance in the pages of information that has been sent about other things Smile

OP posts:
GColdtimer · 18/02/2016 14:27

Well just say that. "absolutely no worries if they are not invited but wanted to be clear". You can ask without it sounding like you feel entitled.

Goingtobeawesome · 18/02/2016 14:30

Send a text and ask. They haven't been clear, they should feel awkward,not you.

Normandy144 · 18/02/2016 14:40

We got a similar invite recently, although outer envelope was addressed to me and DP. Invite inside just a standard print out, with no names. No mention of kids. I assumed it meant no kids invited because they had expressly included us both on the outer envelope. Turns out kids were invited as my friend bothered to enquire and was told she could absolutely bring her two children along - there were loads on the day. Didn't bother us as the wedding was only a 40 min drive away and my preference was to find a babysitter for DD.
I would just ask - it won't be awkward as I suspect there will be others like you who have the same query. Just say something like, "hi, please don't think I am putting you on the spot, but I just wanted to clarify whether the kids (and DP?) are invited as well? I wasn't sure so just thought I would check" don't say anything like "no pressure or no worries either way etc" because then it might look a bit awkward when you decline if the kids aren't invited - assuming you will take that approach.

bossmum41 · 02/03/2016 13:51

I am getting married in a couple of months and I only put the names of the people invited on the envelope . No children are invited to the wedding . Yet I am receiving acceptance cards with the children's names on them putting me in a position where I have to contact them and say no children aren't allowed , some people have been rude about this and decided not to come .
We don't have room plus if we invited everyone and their children there would be over 100 children !!!
We can't afford it and the space won't accommodate them plus I don't want children there just my two and the bridesmaids , I've even said no to my own nephews 😱😱😱
My sister wasn't to happy till I pointed out she would have more fun and be more relaxed if the children weren't there .

SellFridges · 02/03/2016 13:59

Do people really get wedding invitations from people who they wouldn't call up to discuss this with?!

Jackie0 · 02/03/2016 14:43

I would assume the invitation was extended solely to the people it was addressed to.
It wouldn't have occurred to me that the bride & groom or the bride's parents didn't understand how to word an invitation , but apparently mistakes do happen as other posters have said.
God how awkward.
This is actually the purpose of etiquette, to avoid misunderstandings and embarrassment.
Of course it all falls apart when no one knows the rules anymore

LastOneDancing · 02/03/2016 14:50

I went with the 'envelope indicates who's invited' thing - no names on the card - and we rocked up to the reception to find a little highchair set up for our DS who had been left with his GM Sad I felt terrible.

I'd definitely double check.

campfan · 02/03/2016 15:03

Bossmum I totally understand where you are coming from
I have been to many weddings with or without the kids, either fine
But what REALLY annoys me is when people put on invites "kids not invited, so you can let your hair down and have fun"
Well actually, no, we would have more fun if the kids were there. It's totally fine that they are not invited but don't tell me how to feel about it!

Paddington68 · 02/03/2016 15:25

ask, you don't mind either way, so ask.

bossmum41 · 02/03/2016 15:28

campfan i wasnt telling you how to feel about not having kids at the wedding , i was telling my sister as i know her and her children!!!!

campfan · 02/03/2016 15:51

I know
But I had a similar line in an invite once and it was so annoying! (The bride was a teacher and a bit bossy..)

bossmum41 · 02/03/2016 16:02

Probably why she didn't want children there if she worked with them all day .

campfan · 02/03/2016 18:10

Yup I agree with all that, and the right not to have children at weddings- it's just the way she put it!

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