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Weaning

Find weaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Weaning forum. Use our child development calendar for more information.

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Original poster

It was soo hard not to say something to these parents

91 replies

MamaMaiasaura · 11/01/2009 22:01

I was sat in John Lewis yesterday having lunch with dp and ds2 (1). Ds was having food from his snack box (cucmber, tomatoes, babybel, kiwi fruit, raisins eetc) and also had some food off our plates which was lasagne from me and gammon and roast veg from dp. Anyway, he is feeding himself making the delightful mess they make (joys of blw ) and this immaculate women walked past, paused and looked at ds and looked completely horrified/disgusted.

SHe then got her baby out of pram (all dressed in white so that it glowed) and her dp held baby as was too tiny to fit in highchair and wasnt looking like it could sit. She then puts bib etc on baby and starts spooning this purree (really thick looking) into babies mouth. Well try but poor baby is screaming. She keeps going whenever baby opens mouth to cry. Baby stops opening mouth so she is trying to prise food into babies mouth. THis went on for half an hour, i kid you not. It was awful. Baby clearly not wanting food beside not being able to sit and didnt even look 4 months. This baby was distraught unitl she stopped trying. Bear in mind baby was happy before she tried to feed. She then got out LOADS of wipes and filled a nappy sack when baby wasn't exactly a mess and looked completely disgusted holding bag extremely gingerly.

I so wanted to ask how old babyh was, say about who guidelines and be all evangelical about BLW which has been so fantastic. But even those who do go the puree route, surely you dont try and force baby to eat?? My dp was facing her and he was really staring rude perhaps but he just couldnt get over that they were doing that.

I know i am probably being a cow to sound it out here but i just was so shocked as not ever been there with dc and if they didnt want something i certainly didnt force it, and at such a young age.

OP posts:

littleboyblue · 11/01/2009 22:08

I puree weaned but luckily didn't have many problems getting the little fatty to eat
I do think in the early days of weaning it can be quite hard to know what's best in regards to when to give up trying to feed as they are clearly not hungry and so on. I did 'force' ds a few times depending on what the plan was for the day to be honest, I didn't want to spend my whole days messing about with are you hungry yet? Now? How about now? Depending on how important a routine is for you, it's either eat now or eat nothing iyswim.
From what you say about baby being little and not sitting in high chair etc, it sounds (I hope) that these parents have just started the weaning proccess which is nerve racking in itself, and the first times in public can be awful. I remember thinking everyone was staring at me whenever I touched ds in public and feeding was awful until I got over myelf a bit.......

ramonaquimby · 11/01/2009 22:09

great for you for doing whatever you do, but to say something to a compete stranger about their own choices?

don't be so judgemental

sweetkitty · 11/01/2009 22:11

Poor little thing I have seen someone spoon food into a wailing babies mouth until they have to stop crying and swallow it or gag, then the poor baby was getting all cross and spitting it out so they put the spoon further into her mouth.

I agree it's horrible to watch

Original poster

MamaMaiasaura · 11/01/2009 22:11

Well we were staring. It was awful. Ds1 was puree fed at 4 months (around about) but he is 8 and that was the advice then. Would you really keep trying for half an hour if the baby really not wanting it? Also at that young an age they sholdnt be trying to give up a feed yet?

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Original poster

MamaMaiasaura · 11/01/2009 22:13

ramon - i didnt say anything, i just wanted to. There is a difference.
That is exactly what it was like sweetkitty.

In a way i hope the mum comes on here so that she can see it doesnt have to be like that. They must have felt stressed out.

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Original poster

MamaMaiasaura · 11/01/2009 22:14

i say we were starting, dp was I was side on so only really saw when i was looking more at ds so not like two people starting harshly. But anyway, was horrid.

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dirtygertiefromnumber30 · 11/01/2009 22:15

mind your own business.

littleboyblue · 11/01/2009 22:18

Sometimes it does have to be like that though doesn't it? I know for me personally, it was very important for us to have a set routine so I wasn't really prepared to have ds dictate/decide when he was/wasnot going to eat. Not such a huge issue at first as still probably giving enough milk in between but if you're doing this for the first time and honestly think your dc needs to eat right at that moment, then you will do whatever it takes to get them to eat won't you? I calmed down a lot when I realised ds wouldn't die if he only ate half a jar or something, but weaning is one of the most difficult but important things you will do, and I'm sure this mum was 'forcing' the food because she felt it was what was best for her baby

Original poster

MamaMaiasaura · 11/01/2009 22:18

well that was helpful i didnt say anything, but i wanted to talk about it here, or is that not allowed?

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Original poster

MamaMaiasaura · 11/01/2009 22:18

that was at dirtiegertie

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LuckySalem · 11/01/2009 22:18

Awen - Its hard as just cos the baby is small doesn't necissarily mean that the baby is young IYKWIM.

However, I've seen this before and it is really uncomfortable to watch it happen So I understand where you're coming from.

I think its very hard to know when you can/should tell someone something.

Original poster

MamaMaiasaura · 11/01/2009 22:20

littleboy - i think you are right, she wasnt doing it to be unkind. It was so hard though because they were clearly first time parents and it doesnt have to be like that and the baby was only around 4 months and couldnt even sit up so really shouldnt be on solids at all.

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princessmel · 11/01/2009 22:22

I have seen something like this before. And with a 4/5 month old prem baby. It was very upsetting. He started out quite happily eating the puree but then made it very clear that he'd had enough. Crying and turning away. He was slumping in the saet too. I had to actually support his nback and neck.
Anyway ,I said something along the lines of 'oh he's done well hasn't he, he looks full up now' or something like that. And his mummy said 'oh no, he's got all this to go yet and produced a pot full of fruit and a yog.
Which she then fed most of it to him.

BTW I did puree's and finger foods for ds and dd. ds at 4m as advised by the HV. ( he wasn't drinking hardly any milk..long story) and dd at 6m.

thisisyesterday · 11/01/2009 22:23

actually i don't think it should ever be like that.
force feeding a child to eat when they are clearly distressed is wrong, on so many levels. I would have been upset to see that too.

i don't care what kind of routine the mother may, or may not, have had. it's wrong.

Original poster

MamaMaiasaura · 11/01/2009 22:25

phew. I am not going completely mad and being totally unreasonable then thisisyesterday.

OP posts:

dirtygertiefromnumber30 · 11/01/2009 22:26

By Awen on Sun 11-Jan-09 22:18:20
well that was helpful

what do you want help with awen?

you posted a self righteous statement, letting us all know how right you've got it

'was sat in John Lewis yesterday having lunch with dp and ds2 (1). Ds was having food from his snack box (cucmber, tomatoes, babybel, kiwi fruit, raisins eetc) and also had some food off our plates which was lasagne from me and gammon and roast veg from dp. Anyway, he is feeding himself making the delightful mess they make (joys of blw )'

and then proceeded to let us all know how 'wrong' some other poor cow had got it.

Not quite sure what you want help with...

CeceliaAhern · 11/01/2009 22:26

It does sound unpleasant to watch, I grant you that but:-

You have no idea how old that baby was!

You didn't like it when she looked aghast at your child!

Your dp should know better than to stare.

Lucky you, that you can go out in public and feel confident enough in your perfection.

Just a thought, how do you know these were the child's parents and not some kind but inexperienced friends/relatives following the wishes of the parents?

thisisyesterday · 11/01/2009 22:28

it doesnb't matter who it was!
surely anyone knows that it isn't ok to try and force food into a baby's mouth when it is clearly upsetting them?????

tattycoram · 11/01/2009 22:28

I agree with the OP. I would find that distressing to watch too, but I wouldn't say anything in that situation as I can't imagine the parents being anything other than defensive about it.

You're not unreasonable to raise it here, I totally agree with you, force feeding a baby who is clearly indicating that they don't want food is unkind.

littleboyblue · 11/01/2009 22:28

I know these things are hard to watch/see, and most of us will see a number of things on a daily basis that we don't agree with or wouldn't do to/with our own dc's. I honestly think it is near impossible to not know current feeding guidlines where age is cncerned (although why do they still put 4 months on jars etc?), so maybe they have made a decision to early wean regardless or maybe baby was an early one?

I first gave ds finger foods at about 9 months, we were going shopping but I had prepared some pasta and sauce at home which I took out with me for him, I sat him in high chair, put his bib on, put the pasta on the tray and he started picking at it, a woman walked past us, paused at table, looked from me to ds and laughed. Wtf?

edam · 11/01/2009 22:36

I've seen someone force food down a poor baby's neck when he clearly didn't want it, and carry on force feeding him when he was getting increasingly distressed. Horrible to watch.

Getting upset when you've seen something like that isn't about feeling perfect or fancying that you are superior to the other parent - it's just sad to see a poor baby being made so miserable, presumably by parents who do think they are doing the right thing and don't actually intend to do anything nasty to their child.

Original poster

MamaMaiasaura · 11/01/2009 22:38

fab i am now perfect eh? Thanks for the heads up there.

I actually found it upsetting this little baby so upset and so NOT wanting to be fed and being forced.

I did not say anything, wanted to but I didnt because:

Might be first time parents and be very anxious (likely)
Might be very defensive (likely)
Not really my place to

THis woman had already made it clear that she was grossed out by what we were doing with our dc and of course that is absolutely ok isnt it?

So i feel i got it right with ds2 and i so wish that someone had told me about BLW with ds1. I didnt have issues with him except early day weaning when he clearly wanst ready and my HV said he should be having xyz. I

OP posts:

littleboyblue · 11/01/2009 22:38

went to get something to eat so x-posted there.
Obviously if a baby is overly distressed you'd stop but we don't know what had happened earlier in the day, what if this baby hadn't taken an earlier feed and the mother was concerned about him/her being overly hungry?
We all make individual choices for our own dc's and I don't really think anyone should be knocked for doing what they think is best for their own child. If the baby was someone elses completely different, but I think as a parent, you do what you think is best, sometimes it might not always be 'right' but we all have differnt ideas as to what is right or wrong and I'm sure each parent knows their child well enough to make these decisions on their own iyswim

Niecie · 11/01/2009 22:38

The only thing I would take exception to is forcing the food into the baby's closed mouth. Not necessary and if the child didn't want it then I personally wouldn't bother. The rest is your speculation. You don't know how old the baby is or even if it could sit you, just didn't think it could.

There is nothing inherently wrong with purees and for all you know. I started my two on a mixture of puree and whole food. Perhaps the jar was just a convenience whilst they were out.

Guidelines are just that, guides. They aren't rules or laws. If somebody choses not to follow them then it isn't a crime and it is none of your business to comment to the family themselves.

Maybe the whole family was on edge because they knew they were being stared at and judged. I am sure a baby would pick on that. I think you are not too keen on being judged by them and understandably judged them in turn and found them wanting.

Original poster

MamaMaiasaura · 11/01/2009 22:39

edam - thanks, that is it. I wasnt looking at her going we are so perfect i was thinkling that is so sad to see and the baby really really didnt want to be fed.

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