It was soo hard not to say something to these parents

[MamaMaiasaura]

I was sat in John Lewis yesterday having lunch with dp and ds2 (1). Ds was having food from his snack box (cucmber, tomatoes, babybel, kiwi fruit, raisins eetc) and also had some food off our plates which was lasagne from me and gammon and roast veg from dp. Anyway, he is feeding himself making the delightful mess they make (joys of blw ) and this immaculate women walked past, paused and looked at ds and looked completely horrified/disgusted.

SHe then got her baby out of pram (all dressed in white so that it glowed) and her dp held baby as was too tiny to fit in highchair and wasnt looking like it could sit. She then puts bib etc on baby and starts spooning this purree (really thick looking) into babies mouth. Well try but poor baby is screaming. She keeps going whenever baby opens mouth to cry. Baby stops opening mouth so she is trying to prise food into babies mouth. THis went on for half an hour, i kid you not. It was awful. Baby clearly not wanting food beside not being able to sit and didnt even look 4 months. This baby was distraught unitl she stopped trying. Bear in mind baby was happy before she tried to feed. She then got out LOADS of wipes and filled a nappy sack when baby wasn't exactly a mess and looked completely disgusted holding bag extremely gingerly.

I so wanted to ask how old babyh was, say about who guidelines and be all evangelical about BLW which has been so fantastic. But even those who do go the puree route, surely you dont try and force baby to eat?? My dp was facing her and he was really staring rude perhaps but he just couldnt get over that they were doing that.

I know i am probably being a cow to sound it out here but i just was so shocked as not ever been there with dc and if they didnt want something i certainly didnt force it, and at such a young age.

I agree that witnessing someone force feeding a baby could have been distressing to see. However, as many posts have pointed out, no-one knows the circumstances of those parents.
Feeding my 9 mth DT's can be a real nightmare, and I am sure that I don't always do it right. I am on my own with them most of the time, and actually cried the first time I tried to feed them in public. I very rarely do it now as it completely knocked my confidence. Maybe those parents went home feeling the same.
However, as I said, I would not want to see that, and although I struggle with feeding, I don't force them to eat. More often than not, I give up, and try again later when I have regained my composure.
Unfortunately, the tone of the OP made me feel uncomfortable. I can only imagine what other people were thinking of me that day.

do people really judge you out loud for tube feeding? surely people understand that there are medical issues there? how sad

You know what, if i saw a baby being tube fed i certainly would go look at the spastic or eww or anything of the sort and this was certainly not what i saw in JL.
I saw a very young baby crying for no less that 30 minutes being force fed. Very very very different imo.

Yes i have apologised for the listing of stuff on his tray it was to highlight the scene of mayhem on our table in contrast to cleaniless and exactness on theirs. It was to give a picture. Regardless of whether some of you can accept that or not that is why i explained that.

The fact that i am apparantly smug because 'my angel' eats a variety of food didnt even enter my head. But i am actually very happy that ds is happy with what he has. And no he doesnt eat all that is put in front of him but the whole point for me is for him to choose and explore food at his pace. Not sit and scream for 30 min whilst being force fed.

Yes there is a slim slim chance that this particluar baby had some reason for the parents 'needing' to feed. But the baby was very very clearly distressed and therefore it wasnt working and they werent listening to their child.

Also for the comments on the bottle feeding, get over yourself. I have not sneered or commented on breast or bottle on this thread at all.

Oh and yes i am very happy with blw and it does feel like such a fantastic way of doing things. And yes i did it in part with my nearly 9 year olds, but only after the whole cajolling etc on puree that i had to go through when he was 4 months. The advice then was not right for me and my child as i was also told i had to wean off breast by 12 months, had to be on 3 meals a day at 5/6 months. Now with hindsight ds2 is a ompletely different story and blw has really helped.

I also hope that some mums who do 'force feed' their babies because 'they must have x amonth of purree a day' according to mil, dp, this book or that book may stop and think again. Granted looking at my op i didnt make myself clear and sounded a bit of a cow, but i cant change that now and my sentiment that force feeding is wrong and it was awful to watch remains the same.

Oh and on the side the reason i explained the immaculateness, excessive wiping etc etc is that i wanted to higling the polar opposite of their table and our and how our meal experienceswhere completely opposite.

oh a riven, i am very at what people say. Am sorry if this has upset you.

IIRC, don't they have to lose the tongue-thrust reflex for solid feeds to be successful?

ramona, I think all of us judge because we have to make judgements about what to do ourselves with our own dcs. All of us look at others and think, well, I wouldn't choose to do that.

I also think it's silly to say there are NO moral absolutes or even rules in parenting (leads to Haringey social services paralysis). There are rules and even a few absolutes, though there are also grey areas.

Hopefully Riven's story might make the OP think twice about judging people who are seemingly, trying to force feed their dc.

Immaculately dressed in white does not = non disabled child, for all you know that child could have been.

We all try to do what is best for our own dc, more empathy and less judging would go a long way

I probably should get over myself Awen, the only reason I bought up bottle feeding was because I once heard a woman saying how it was a shame I couldn't be bothered to give dd a cuddle, when I was feeding her. I guess I was comparing the situations because it is horrible to sit with a baby who is difficult to feed/crying/screaming the place down, and feel that everyone is staring and judging. Dh always says, people are to wrapped up in their own worries to be bothered about what you are doing, but reading about how much attention you were paying to this woman and her child i wonder.

seemingly.. no they were. Is done with though.

THese threads always go off on tangent or to an extreme Thats mumsnet

hazey - how does that relate to this.. ah well. as i said before tangents an all.

Too much time on your hands!

And it is 5 days on.

Apologies for those i have offended. I dont sit and stare at every parent etc. If so, how many threads would have been started? This sparked interest in me and what you all thought of force feeding. It has bought lots of differing view points. Some i hadnt really considered to be honest. Some of them i also dont agree with as i was there and am a better judge of what i saw than a third party.

As this thread is going off on one perhaps a new thread addressing the new issues arising would be best?

I am obviously not as good a person as the next one because I have judged on what i have seen and i took into account all i could see and hear which included the parents and mannerisms. I cant promise I wont judge someone again and be a good girl, sorry.

lol Mrs Mattie - i wish.

i think some are being really hard on Awen

she was concerend that a too young baby was being forced to eat, and the baby was screaming, which is not a nice thing to hear especially if you think the baby is screaming due to something the parent is doing

it did sound a teensy bit judgey re the snack box and glow white baby gro, but i think the sentiment was one of sadness for the baby, rather than 'oh your poor fools, fancy not BLW like moi...'

IMO

Hi Awen!!

How are you doing? Are you getting on OK? Really wish you would pop back in to Dec 07 PN thread and let us know how you are doing.

Riven at your experiences, people can be so horrible when it comes to disabled children They are just ignoramuses who don't see a child with thoughts and feelings they just see an defect

But I don't agree with forcefeeding a NT baby. This will override their ability to self regulate their appetite. However, their child their choices. They will have to dealt with the consequences - I'm know I've done ill-advised stuff with my ds which I will have to deal with (like getting him to give up his dummy!).

Hi Bouncing. I am a bad bunny and only just starting mumsnet again. (for my sins ) I will come back on and update. I did one on Jan thread so may be cheeky and paste it

Thanks lulumama. It is how i meant it but i worded it crappily.