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Weaning

Find weaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Weaning forum. Use our child development calendar for more information.

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Original poster

It was soo hard not to say something to these parents

91 replies

MamaMaiasaura · 11/01/2009 22:01

I was sat in John Lewis yesterday having lunch with dp and ds2 (1). Ds was having food from his snack box (cucmber, tomatoes, babybel, kiwi fruit, raisins eetc) and also had some food off our plates which was lasagne from me and gammon and roast veg from dp. Anyway, he is feeding himself making the delightful mess they make (joys of blw ) and this immaculate women walked past, paused and looked at ds and looked completely horrified/disgusted.

SHe then got her baby out of pram (all dressed in white so that it glowed) and her dp held baby as was too tiny to fit in highchair and wasnt looking like it could sit. She then puts bib etc on baby and starts spooning this purree (really thick looking) into babies mouth. Well try but poor baby is screaming. She keeps going whenever baby opens mouth to cry. Baby stops opening mouth so she is trying to prise food into babies mouth. THis went on for half an hour, i kid you not. It was awful. Baby clearly not wanting food beside not being able to sit and didnt even look 4 months. This baby was distraught unitl she stopped trying. Bear in mind baby was happy before she tried to feed. She then got out LOADS of wipes and filled a nappy sack when baby wasn't exactly a mess and looked completely disgusted holding bag extremely gingerly.

I so wanted to ask how old babyh was, say about who guidelines and be all evangelical about BLW which has been so fantastic. But even those who do go the puree route, surely you dont try and force baby to eat?? My dp was facing her and he was really staring rude perhaps but he just couldnt get over that they were doing that.

I know i am probably being a cow to sound it out here but i just was so shocked as not ever been there with dc and if they didnt want something i certainly didnt force it, and at such a young age.

OP posts:

TotallyUnheardOf · 11/01/2009 22:44

It sounds horrible Awen. But I am cringeing here as that person could have been me 8 years ago (except that I'd never ever have dressed my baby in white and no-one has ever accused me of being immaculate ). My dd1 was prem and very small and I was always being made to feel bad about her size and encouraged to feed her more (bottle/purees/whatever). She hated solids from day 1 and screamed the place down at every meal. Most days, till she was at least 2, we'd have at least one meal (often more) where both of us (me and dd) would end up in floods of tears. It was awful, really awful. But I thought that I had to keep trying to make her eat because she was small for her age (of course she was, she was bloody prem... I know that now), and that I was a bad mother because everyone else's babies were polishing off jars of appropriately-labelled baby food for their ages, whereas mine would only eat 4-month jars when she was 9 months (or whatever - can't remember the details now). To cut a long story short... we had a nightmare with food till dd was about 4 or 5, when gradually I got less stressed with her and she started eating and enjoying it at long last. I didn't have MN back then, and just thought that it was me doing something wrong and that I had to keep trying to force-feed my poor baby. (I feel quite tear-y now, just thinking about it... poor little thing .) The only difference between me and the couple in John Lewis was that I'd have been far too mortified to attempt to feed my dd in public.

Having said all that, if someone had said something to me back then I'd have been horrified and embarrassed, yes, but I might, just possibly, have listened and have saved myself and my poor dd years of agony.

Original poster

MamaMaiasaura · 11/01/2009 22:46

aw totally unheard of.

OP posts:

TotallyUnheardOf · 11/01/2009 22:49

I am so lucky that we got through it and that she now has a really healthy attitude to food. I had visions of her becoming an anorexic teenager, because I just couldn't ever envisage her eating and enjoying it. In reality, I just needed to lighten up a bit lot with her.

Original poster

MamaMaiasaura · 11/01/2009 22:52

It is hard to step outside the box and if you think you will do your child harm by not feeding them then i can see why a parent would feel so stressed.

OP posts:

sleepycat · 11/01/2009 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littlelamb · 11/01/2009 22:53

Also, my ds is 7 mo and has literally just this week worked out how to sit up, so highchair is still an issue for him. Good for you with your cucumber and raisins but get your judgeypants off

Original poster

MamaMaiasaura · 11/01/2009 22:55

littlelamb - i thought one of the signs of being ready for solids was being able to sit up? Wont get my judgepants off thank you. We are all entitled to judge/have opinions and we do so all the time. You have done so to me. I dont think force feeding a baby is on. End of.

OP posts:

littlelamb · 11/01/2009 22:58

Ridiculous. My ds is a 19 pounder, has been crawling for 2 months and is now cruising around. He just couldn't sit up

Original poster

MamaMaiasaura · 11/01/2009 23:01

wow, well he is a little mover then

OP posts:

Quattrocento · 11/01/2009 23:01

This is such an odd sort of parenting issue really. Talk about sound and fury signifying nothing. So much guff written about attachment parenting and blw (or not). And judging other folks.

Feeding babies is just basic commonsense isn't it? When babies are grizzling for food you feed them. When they've had enough they stop. If it's lunchtime and they are not hungry, that's disappointing but don't they just spit out anything they don't want even if you have enticed it into their mouths?

What's difficult about this?

Original poster

MamaMaiasaura · 11/01/2009 23:03

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 11/01/2009 23:03

yes, it is one of the signs that they are ready to wean.
of course there are some babies that are ready before they sit up, but it's fairly unusual in the grand scheme of things.

i don't think it matters a jot how old this child is, whether or not it was sitting up, or whether the mother was overly hygienic.

it still doesn't mean it's ok to force feed a child.

CeceliaAhern · 11/01/2009 23:07

Okay, Awen. We hear you.

I, too, would have been distressed to see this.

I am also distressed, however, by controlled crying, among other things. These parents believe they are doing the right thing.

I also recognise that there are probably lots of things I do (and you as well probably) that other parents are about.

It was not nice. You can't stop thinking about it. Try looking at some other threads.

Hopefully the parents have gone home and thought 'well that didn't really work out'

There is nothing you can do. You know you couldn't have said anything. What good is it doing getting yourself all wound up about it again later?

DontEatYellowSnowItsWeebump · 11/01/2009 23:10

It would be very distressing to see that in action, no doubt about it. That poor baby! But I'm glad you didn't say anything to them. Hopefully they'll relax a bit in future.

Original poster

MamaMaiasaura · 11/01/2009 23:12

cecelia - look i have posted on here for years and i dont often say this but will you please fuck off. I am not being all stressed and not able to think about anything else, or surely i would have made sure i logged on last night and posted about it. I posted about it because this is a forum and i was interested in veiws. Dont go all analytical on me please.

I am not stupid and neither am i perfect, this hads hit a raw nerve for you i think so why dont you toddle off to another thread yourself eh?

OP posts:

CeceliaAhern · 11/01/2009 23:13

Er, no.

Original poster

MamaMaiasaura · 11/01/2009 23:15

Well then, pull up a chair then. And in future please to be a love and dont direct me where and where not to go on mumsnet.

OP posts:

sleepycat · 11/01/2009 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Desiderata · 11/01/2009 23:42

It's a John Lewis thing, Awen. Just stop eating there, if I were you.

I must admit, darling, that whilst I agree with you on the whole blw thing .. although my ds just did it naturally without me having to give it a label .. the whole ds's lunch box and raisin thingy does tend to raise the heckles a little ...

MrsJamin · 12/01/2009 08:50

Haven't read whole thread but I can imagine having a similar stance to you - any parent forcing a child into something they are not ready for and not responding to the signs that they are very upset would raise a few eyebrows from me. But I could never say anything - it just would make me sad.

giantkatestacks · 12/01/2009 09:40

I see where you're coming from Awen but then every time you go out you see people parenting in a different way to you in all sorts of scenarios.

I find it a constant battle - but the battle for me isnt about not saying anything (as I used to think it was)its about being more tolerant of other people generally - even if they are doing things that I see as completely wrong (which is a lot as am generally quite an intolerant person ).

mamadiva · 12/01/2009 10:06

I can kind of see your point about this it is distressing but matter is you do not know the circumstances.

The baby could have been refusing milk so had to substitute with puree, that is what I had to do with my DS at 4 months but it was one small tub a day and I will admit one day I got stressed and I did practically force him to eat but after 3 spoons I felt awful but then again 2/3 days of your DC refusing milk and food whilst screaming constantly as hungry does tend to make you clutch at straws and do anything to get some nutrients into them.

Also are you sure that she was 'glaring' with disapproval at you and your son are you sure she didn't just feel a bit embarrassed and was looking around because she probably knew what her baby was going to do. There is nothing worse than that feeling and it certainly doesn't help when ignorant morons sit and stare. Spare a thought for that family and how bad you probably made them feel and please stop going on about how they made you feel, it has nothing to do with you.

It obviously didn't bother you that much or you would have said something so stop being preachy when you are away from the situation.

Lauriefairycake · 12/01/2009 10:14

If you've got a child who is ill or is food refusing you're pretty unlikely to be sat in John Lewis immaculately turned out attempting to shovel food into him

Way more likely to be sat in your pj's at home stressing your tits off.

It seems clear from the OP's post that the casual way the baby was being fed is the way the parents thought they ought to be doing - the OP doesn't describe them being stressed about their babies stress.

This is one of the things I get judgy about - forcing a child to do something when it is clearly distressed - fine if short term like an injection or something but not normal feeding.

The baby didn't even get to cry and had to shut it's mouth to prevent the force-feeding - that's a very clear message.

MarlaSinger · 12/01/2009 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wenceslasmyeducation · 12/01/2009 13:48

We do need to care about what others do, as there's a line somewhere that gets crossed from what we wouldn't choose for our children to what noone would choose for their children, and we need to be open to observing when abuse does happen. I'm not saying that this was abusive, just that we should care.
I think far too many do mind their own business, and some children really suffer for it. Judgement is a skill we need to practice.

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