Wow, I’m kind of astounded and taken aback at the speed of response and the intensity of feelings... I posted in the vegan section because I really wanted specific dietary advice, more than I wanted personal opinions or received ideas about meat-eating/the climate.
I should have perhaps made it clearer that we are not in the U.K. so ...very different living conditions.
- he has always had low iron. Severe egg and shellfish allergies too. Even as a baby, I would feed him chicken livers, lentils, beef stock. I know about heme iron, I know it’s more easily absorbed, and that for lentils or whatever you need to have it alongside a vit C source like lime or tomato. He was borderline deficient even when he ate meat.
- as far as I am aware, vitamin D from diet is only about 10 per cent, the rest is from sun exposure. We made the incorrect assumption that we didn’t need vit D supplements because we have plenty of sunshine: in reality, our kids have to spend a lot of time indoors for much of the year due to pollution, and wear masks outside. And it’s super hot so we cover up a lot - you’d be sunburnt very quickly.
- we have never managed to get a conclusive diagnosis on his development issues. It isn’t as straightforward as you might imagine where we live. He was variously diagnosed with sensory processing disorder, adhd, or being on the spectrum. Ultimately from a dietary perspective he does better on a whole foods diet. I should make it clear that he used to suffer from extreme meltdowns during early childhood and we raised him omnivorous. He ate a lot of meat, fish, blood sausage, ants...and I mean literally everything - my husband is French, we live in Asia, his diet was varied and wide. His symptoms if anything have improved.
One constant is the intensity of emotions that he feels, and the strength of his beliefs.
I am not interested in a vegan vs meat eater debate, and anyone that came here to question our parenting because we respect his choices - I hear you, but you are probably on the wrong board. We believe in authoritative parenting not authoritarian. And anyway I have to chuckle at the notion that we could force him to eat dead creatures. He won’t. And I guarantee you any climate factoid that you think you know - he knows it already, and why it’s wrong. We recently visited the U.K. and it’s quite interesting to see how many people think they understand the climate crisis, but without really understanding. A family member even accused him of not loving farm animals and wanting them all to be culled - he said he loves them so much he doesn’t want them to be slaughtered to be eaten.
Yes, he’s 11, he stopped eating meat at 9 because he looked down an alley while we were travelling round Asia and saw a pig being slaughtered. My husband and I grew up in the U.K. and in France, where farm animals are cosy and cute and ham sandwiches are tasty, and certainly never, EVER witnessed that. In fact I haven’t actually watched the most graphic slaughterhouse videos from the U.K. I do know I was comforting myself with words like “humane”, and by remaining ignorant about the true reality of slaughter methods. By the way, I am careful not to let him ever watch such videos, and he luckily doesn’t want to.
Seeing and hearing that pig die, he never wavered for a second, he simply stopped eating meat. He had just decided to become Buddhist, and we had eaten at vegan Buddhist restaurants on many occasions. It’s not out of nowhere.
We parents continued to eat meat outside the home, while he decided fish was still okay as they didn’t feel pain (I know this is not true). In fact we mostly stopped meat due to climate, as well as it being easier to cook just one meal, but gradually it became a question of ethics too. Yes, he influenced us, that does not mean he is controlling us; we are on our own journey too.
Money: it’s not the issue here. We were spending a LOT on meat, because we were already trying to buy high welfare hormone free bla bla bla. We are spending less. Cashews are grown where we live. And we are absolutely spoilt in terms of affordable and very fresh tofu, tempeh, good nutcheese. It isn’t as expensive as in the U.K. and it tastes really good. Chia seeds are grown here, and we can easily get pumpkin seeds (very rich in iron).
Thank you for those of you that offered specific dietary advice. I just found a vegan DHA source and I’ll ask about b12 supplements for him (he does love marmite). We can easily buy seaweed and I read that potentially some kinds contain b12.
A lot of the vegans I know didn’t go vegan until adulthood, so they aren’t sure, and meanwhile the meat-eaters don’t want to countenance it, so it isn’t necessarily easy to get unbiased info about vegan nutrition in childhood.
Thank you so much to those of you that gave supportive and informed responses. I agree with those of you that said that eating meat and dairy is the default choice, and that may change one day. Certainly for the climate it absolutely has to, but since there are ways to have a non-vegan planet friendly diet (not ruminants but maybe eg crickets, and yes, we sometimes used to eat those
), it doesn’t resolve the question of ethics and morality and his deeply-held belief that animals are not here for our gustatory pleasure).
I feel like I should make it clear that he isn’t some terrible tyrant, he isn’t going to come and snatch away your burgers, he’s actually a loving and peaceful child who doesn’t want to hurt - quite literally - a fly. I just want to make sure he gets the best diet possible while he is under my care. Forcefeeding or blackmail aren’t in my playbook 