Disappointment in the train

[chrlng]

Hello to everyone. Please forgive any mistakes. I'm a foreigner living in the UK.

Last week I had to travel to London by train with my baby (3 months old). I had to change train and because of the first trains delay, I missed the second. That means I couldn't use the seat that I had booked because I had to take the next train.

I've been in the UK since 2019 and since day one I was surprised about how kind people were with me and my husband and how helpful they've been. But that day, I walked with a baby car seat throughout every train carrier, there was not a single seat available. Every seat was occupied. The baby was screaming, I had a panic attack because I had no space to put the babies pram so I just left it next to the exit door and desperately tried to find a seat to sit and calm down my baby. I passed by at least 100 people and not even ONE offered me a seat. That day I was so disappointed. I couldn't wrap my head around what happened. Everybody was looking but nobody offered a seat or asked me if I need help while I was struggling to move while holding the car seat with the baby inside. I ended up putting the baby back in the pram and standing next to the exit door for 2+ hours trying to make milk for the baby on the train floor.

How would you explain that? Why everyone ignored me? I've never felt like this before. British people have always been super kind so far.

I'd like to hear your opinion.

Also I think you're forgetting that these people have paid for a seat - why should they have to give theirs up and stand for hours because you have a baby? Baby can go in the buggy that's their seat.

Also yes you were looking for a seat, but maybe people thought you were looking for YOUR seat as opposed to not having one and looking for any available space.

That's fairly standard in London. I've never been offered any help lugging pushchairs up/down stairs. I either did it myself or asked somebody to help when I was fed up.

I'd give up my seat for an elderly, pregnant or disabled person.

But not to an able bodied person with a baby in a car seat. The baby was adequately seated.

I would have just sat on the floor in the vestibule. I've done so many times on packed trains.

I wouldn't give my seat up for an able bodied adult with a baby that weighs next to nothing just because they're being chaotic and aren't organising themselves. There were different solutions to your inconvenience and no need for all that panic. Please think twice before a. Booking a flight and b. Having another child. Because that is chaos times ten for you.

I wouldn't have offered a seat to you. I would have if you had been elderly or physically disabled.

I wouldn't see you sitting on the floor with the baby, husband and push hair much of a problem. 🤷🏻‍♀️
My back kills me if I have to stand for a long time so I just sit on the floor.

If people hog seat with their bags then I ask them to move the bags.

You mentioned that since you moved to the UK in 2019 you've been surprised how kind people are here. That's good!

Was your first train very late? Did you try a last minute seat booking? You can do that with some companies.

There was a seat for you.
It was the one with bags on.
You just say "Please could you move your bags so I can sit down"

Walking about aimlessly isn’t going to help, if you needed a seat to make milk you should have asked. Nobody can guess what you are thinking. When I’ve been pregnant on the tube and there were no seats I just asked. You have to take control of the situation if you want something.

What a shame that this happened. I’ve endured numerous overcrowded train journeys with little ones so I sympathise.
When travelling with DH we used to divide and conquer - one would stay in the vestibule with the screaming child (tbh I wouldn’t enter a carriage with a screaming child anyway). The other adult would wander around the train to find a spare seat. If there’s a cancellation you’d only likely find one spare seat. The pram and car seat would need to stay in the vestibule. We did choose one that was most suitable for public transport.
Also I think you need to politely ask someone to give up their seat if required. If you were storming down the aisle announcing that you couldn’t find a seat, that could be interpreted as passive aggressive so people are less likely to help. If you calmly explain the circumstances and just say that you need the seat for 10 minutes so you can feed the baby you’re more likely to be successful.

The baby had a seat (the pram). So you and your DH were two able-bodied adults, yet you wanted other people to stand up for you?

And then when you could have had a seat, by asking someone to remove their bags, you decided to remain standing and crying instead.

Blame other people not being "kind" as much as you want, but you could have solved your own problem here.

I do agree. I’m not sure how helpful it is to berate all people in the UK for not giving up the seat they’d booked. They’re tired and stressed too and dealing with the challenges of a cancelled train. Your needs were obvious to you but not to others and they besides, they too would have wanted to sit and not stand themselves. And then - joy! You did find an empty seat. You do have to be a little pushy.

I thought Id quoted Omega33’s post above mine but clearly not - I was agreeing with what they said

Wow what a mean spirited thread. We were all inexperienced travellers once and made mistakes with first babies. As others have suggested OP a sling is really helpful with babies on public transport. If you could possibly do without the pram and/or carseat it makes everything better. Trains are great but when they are bad they can be nightmarish and it makes people very selfish because they are also stressed.

Fwiw I would have helped you if I'd been there and realized what you needed. It is sometimes hard to help panicking people because they don't read cues very well of the people trying to help them. It could also honestly be that many people didn't realize you needed a seat, regardless of what you say. It could have come across that you were looking for a booked seat and were in the wrong carriage.

Despite all the superior remarks on this thread, people do help often. I've carried many pushchairs down steps in the underground. I've given up seats on several occasions. People have also been incredibly kind and helpful with my own children (being boosted to the front of the queue for the ladies with a desperate was the highlight of my day once). It is best to ask for help and keep as calm as possible but I do know what it's like. I couldn't ask for seats when I was pregnant because I was having a hideously difficult and traumatic pregnancy. I knew if I tried to ask to sit down I would just cry or puke or both. It's sometimes not as cut and dried as the mumnet mafia like to make out.

mumnet mafia

😂 oh c'mon.

You are SO entitled. And passive aggressively shouting from one end of the carriage to the other that you couldn't find a seat, according to your latest drip feed, would be guaranteed to keep me firmly sitting down.

Don't think you're ever going to see the great British public at their kindest, if everyone has been disrupted by travel delays. Everyone tends to go into 'each man for himself' mode. Unfortunately, travelling with a baby doesn't make you more entitled to a seat than anyone else.

Train travel isn't cheap and if you've paid a fortune for your seat you would be reluctant to give it up, particularly if it's a long journey.

I don't think that people don't care, it's more they don't notice. Once I'm in my seat I start an audio book or browse the internet. I was commuting an hour each way when I was heavily pregnant and if I wasn't offered a seat I'd ask whoever had sat in the priority seat if they would be able to let me sit down, and people would usually happily jump up and give me the seat. The only time they didn't was when a lady explained she was having a bad time with arthritis and someone else further down the carriage offered up a seat. If you don't ask you don't get! People aren't being mean, just oblivious.