Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
UK travel

Welcome to our UK travel forum where you can get advice on everything from holidays to exotic destinations, to tips on London travel.

Original poster

Disappointment in the train

116 replies

chrlng · 30/04/2022 23:53

Hello to everyone. Please forgive any mistakes. I'm a foreigner living in the UK.

Last week I had to travel to London by train with my baby (3 months old). I had to change train and because of the first trains delay, I missed the second. That means I couldn't use the seat that I had booked because I had to take the next train.

I've been in the UK since 2019 and since day one I was surprised about how kind people were with me and my husband and how helpful they've been. But that day, I walked with a baby car seat throughout every train carrier, there was not a single seat available. Every seat was occupied. The baby was screaming, I had a panic attack because I had no space to put the babies pram so I just left it next to the exit door and desperately tried to find a seat to sit and calm down my baby. I passed by at least 100 people and not even ONE offered me a seat. That day I was so disappointed. I couldn't wrap my head around what happened. Everybody was looking but nobody offered a seat or asked me if I need help while I was struggling to move while holding the car seat with the baby inside. I ended up putting the baby back in the pram and standing next to the exit door for 2+ hours trying to make milk for the baby on the train floor.

How would you explain that? Why everyone ignored me? I've never felt like this before. British people have always been super kind so far.

I'd like to hear your opinion.

OP posts:
WafflesOrIceCream · 30/04/2022 23:58

I am so sorry you had to experience that!It's disgusting!
I would have offered you my seat straight away.I just can't believe that no one offered their seat to you!

Antarcticant · 01/05/2022 00:06

I'm sorry you had a bad experience Flowers.

The usual thing to do in these circumstances would be to speak to the 'train manager' (or guard as they used to be called) - explain that you had a booked seat that you were unable to use because a late train meant you missed your connection. They have the power to seat you in First Class if the train is full.

If anyone is going to give up their seat voluntarily, it's more likely to be for an elderly person, pregnant woman, or someone with a visible disability. Rightly or wrongly, someone carrying a baby isn't usually regarded as a candidate for seat vacation. Being brutally honest, I'd offer mine (as a middle aged, tolerably fit woman) to someone in the categories I have mentioned, but probably not to someone carrying a baby.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 01/05/2022 00:18

If you passed a 100 passengers they probably thought you were walking to or from your seat/ the loo.

Hugasauras · 01/05/2022 00:37

Was it clear you were actually looking for a seat as you walked past? Just thinking that if I saw someone walking past carrying a crying baby I might just think they were trying to sooth it or on their way to toilet to change them or something unless it was really obvious they were looking for somewhere to sit.

If someone was clearly upset in that situation and looking for a seat then I'd get up but I wouldn't offer a seat to someone I didn't know needed one, if you see what I mean,

HeddaGarbled · 01/05/2022 00:38

Being on a packed train is horrible. It’s likely a lot of passengers had to scramble to get on because of the previous delays. Finding a seat in these circumstances is such a relief, and really hard to give up that seat when you know you’ve got a long journey ahead of you.

If you’d been obviously elderly or struggling to stand, it’s possible someone might have given their seat up for you. But you were clearly able bodied. Also no one wants a screaming baby in their carriage for 2 hours.

You had a shit journey. Having the baby made it harder. Don’t let it colour your judgement of the U.K. too much. Over-packed trains when there’s been disrupted service are full of fraught, unhappy people who aren’t in the frame of mind to be their better selves.

TabithaHazel · 01/05/2022 01:01

Did you actually ask anyone for a seat? If your baby was in a car seat were you expecting two seats as a regular one would have fitted you and a car seat - people probably didn’t even realise you were looking for a seat (or two). Next time if you find yourself in a similar situation go and sit in first class and when the guard comes along ask them to help find you a seat.

Antarcticant · 01/05/2022 01:05

HeddaGarbled · 01/05/2022 00:38

Being on a packed train is horrible. It’s likely a lot of passengers had to scramble to get on because of the previous delays. Finding a seat in these circumstances is such a relief, and really hard to give up that seat when you know you’ve got a long journey ahead of you.

If you’d been obviously elderly or struggling to stand, it’s possible someone might have given their seat up for you. But you were clearly able bodied. Also no one wants a screaming baby in their carriage for 2 hours.

You had a shit journey. Having the baby made it harder. Don’t let it colour your judgement of the U.K. too much. Over-packed trains when there’s been disrupted service are full of fraught, unhappy people who aren’t in the frame of mind to be their better selves.

I couldn't agree more with this.

AnotherDelphinium · 01/05/2022 01:53

I wouldn’t even think of offering my seat to someone walking past. I’d assume they were looking for their seat, not a seat.

I’d second what PP have said, ask the guard/train manager for assistance. With an obviously disgruntled/screaming baby they would have been unlikely to put you in first, but they’d have bumped up someone else to give you a seat in standard.

LiliansViewScarborough · 01/05/2022 09:28

Sorry to hear; it sounds so stressful! If you had stood where you were and been struggling, you probably would have received more help. The fact that you were
moving meant you had gone by the time people might have offered. 💐 to you.

Lazydazey · 01/05/2022 09:43

You might find people will offer you a seat on a short journey where lots if people are getting on and off, but when it’s a busy train to London and no seats available , with the train getting busier and busier they probably don’t want to sit in the corridor for 2+ hrs either. IF they guessed that you wanted a seat, they probably thought you should have reserved one (they aren’t to know that you had, just on an earlier train)

eurochick · 01/05/2022 09:47

I'm not sure I would have realised you were looking for a seat. I probably would have thought you were taking the baby to get changed or something.

As others have said, if this happens again, speak to the train manager they might be able to help.

eurochick · 01/05/2022 09:47

I'm not sure I would have realised you were looking for a seat. I probably would have thought you were taking the baby to get changed or something.

As others have said, if this happens again, speak to the train manager they might be able to help.

superram · 01/05/2022 09:48

I’d have left my baby in the pram and stood with them until they were calm. No one wants to sit next to a screaming baby. You presumably don’t have any medical needs so didn’t need a seat. However, if you had approached me I would have helped find a seat for you. I wouldn’t have stood for 4 hours while you had my seat though, sorry.

MajorCarolDanvers · 01/05/2022 09:50

I would have thought you were looking for your seat or baby changing facilities.

Next time find a member of staff to help.

pooktline · 01/05/2022 09:55

I passed by at least 100 people and not even ONE offered me a seat.

It wouldn't occur to me that someone walking past needed a seat, people walk about trains all the time. Often they want to stretch their legs or go to the cafe bar, toilet or just the vestibule to stand for a while. Who knows. I think it is down the person who is looking for a seat to make that fact known. I'm not sitting for hours on a train activity assessing every person who walks past to see if they need a seat.

saggyhairyass · 01/05/2022 10:41

I'm sorry this happened to you. I've been in that situation myself and can empathise.

British people are kind unless it comes to buying "their seat" then they will not give it up for all the tea in China. I think we're a very possessive lot. "Actually, that's my seat." "I paid for that seat."

It's like queues. "Excuse me, there's a queue and you're pushing in." We are stubborn and a bit pompous. Next time, as PP said, find a member of staff to see if they can help.

Original poster
chrlng · 01/05/2022 10:51

Yes. It was obvious that I was looking for a seat. I was having a panic attack trying to sooth a baby. My husband behind me trying to find a place to put our pram and I turn behind many times to tell him that there's nowhere to sit 😞

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 01/05/2022 10:53

Sorry to say it but it may have been because your baby was crying.

I would have offered you my seat 😊

TheFlis12345 · 01/05/2022 10:57

Your original post implies that you were on your own but actually your husband was with you? I might have offered to help a lone parent with a baby but wouldn’t have offered to help a couple together, I would assume that two adults could sort themselves out.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 01/05/2022 10:58

Yeah you have to be more assertive unfortunately! I get on the Bus and train daily with my baby to commute to work and nursery and I always have to ask people to move so I can get the buggy into the space it’s meant to go and I have to get people to move seats all the time - if I say nothing nobody moves 🤷‍♀️

pooktline · 01/05/2022 11:00

chrlng · 01/05/2022 10:51

Yes. It was obvious that I was looking for a seat. I was having a panic attack trying to sooth a baby. My husband behind me trying to find a place to put our pram and I turn behind many times to tell him that there's nowhere to sit 😞

OMG your husband was with you?

That's not how your OP read at all.

I'm sorry OP but 2 adults and a baby don't require people to act on their behalf.

Haus1234 · 01/05/2022 11:00

It sounds like you were actually looking for 3 seats then? Unfortunately on a busy train that’s a bit unrealistic. The baby had a seat - the pram. I don’t really see why you and your husband are more entitled to a seat than any other able bodied adults.

MajorCarolDanvers · 01/05/2022 11:01

Your husband was with you so there was no need for other passengers to step in and provide assistance.

BlanketsBanned · 01/05/2022 11:03

I dont think anyone would offer up 3 seats, did you book seats before you travelled. Fares are so expensice and no one wants to stand but I would have given up my seat for you and baby but not your husband.

Original poster
chrlng · 01/05/2022 11:05

I did ask the train manager and she said "you might find a seat to the next carrier". That's why we kept walking and looking for a seat. Honestly if it was another woman in this situation I would've asked if she needed help and I'd offer my seat even if I had to stand for 2 hours. But this is me. Maybe for other that sounds stupid or too kind. But this is the right thing for me to do. I've done it even during long journeys 😕 And even if I'm disappointed I'd still at lease ask the next person that I see struggling if they'd like to sit on my seat. Everyone is different.

OP posts: