Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
UK travel

Welcome to our UK travel forum where you can get advice on everything from holidays to exotic destinations, to tips on London travel.

Original poster

Disappointment in the train

116 replies

chrlng · 30/04/2022 23:53

Hello to everyone. Please forgive any mistakes. I'm a foreigner living in the UK.

Last week I had to travel to London by train with my baby (3 months old). I had to change train and because of the first trains delay, I missed the second. That means I couldn't use the seat that I had booked because I had to take the next train.

I've been in the UK since 2019 and since day one I was surprised about how kind people were with me and my husband and how helpful they've been. But that day, I walked with a baby car seat throughout every train carrier, there was not a single seat available. Every seat was occupied. The baby was screaming, I had a panic attack because I had no space to put the babies pram so I just left it next to the exit door and desperately tried to find a seat to sit and calm down my baby. I passed by at least 100 people and not even ONE offered me a seat. That day I was so disappointed. I couldn't wrap my head around what happened. Everybody was looking but nobody offered a seat or asked me if I need help while I was struggling to move while holding the car seat with the baby inside. I ended up putting the baby back in the pram and standing next to the exit door for 2+ hours trying to make milk for the baby on the train floor.

How would you explain that? Why everyone ignored me? I've never felt like this before. British people have always been super kind so far.

I'd like to hear your opinion.

OP posts:
Original poster
chrlng · 01/05/2022 13:30

To make things clear again. I was walking with the baby. My husband was next to the exit door with the suitcases and pram. When I reached to the end of the carrier I shouted to him "there's no seat for me" as he had to carry the suitcases and pram to the next carrier to look for a seat there. I'm even telling you that I was obviously pregnant and not overweight and nobody offered a seat and you are still trying to explain me why they were not wrong to not offer a seat.
Anyway. I'm not going to change your opinion. Yes I'm disappointed. But I will not stop trying to make world a better place for everyone. I always give my seat to anyone who I think need it more than me. And I will always offer my help without waiting to be asked for it. I have faith in humanity. Just 10% of you who understand and say that would offer me your help, thank you for keeping the hope for a better world alive. We're all different and that's okay. I'm still going to be myself and help despite my disappointment.

OP posts:
1smallhamsterfoot · 01/05/2022 13:30

@chrlng honestly? I’d consider your need for a seat not my problem. Harsh but true. I wouldn’t give you mine.

Notonthestairs · 01/05/2022 13:30

It's certainly not appropriate to leave bags on seats.

But you don't seem willing to take any responsibility for the predicament you found yourself in - politely asking for a seat is a perfectly normal request.

Armychefbethebest · 01/05/2022 13:31

It wouldn't have been obvious you were looking for a seat as many people keep telling you but you aren't listening so you expected people to read your mind then give up their seats I presume you and your husband are able bodied ? If so was it not easier to stand and have the baby in the pram rather than one at one end watching all the stuff and one sat with a car seat on your lap for 2 hours ? Not ideal but you need to let it go I'm afraid and toughen up a bit if you are having panic attacks in these kinds of situations this is probably the most important thing to tackle.

pooktline · 01/05/2022 13:32

Your drip feeds are tedious

Antarcticant · 01/05/2022 13:34

I'm even telling you that I was obviously pregnant and not overweight and nobody offered a seat and you are still trying to explain me why they were not wrong to not offer a seat.

If I really was sure, or 99% sure, that someone was pregnant, I would offer my seat.

pooktline · 01/05/2022 13:35

But I will not stop trying to make world a better place for everyone.

You were expecting someone to offer a seat on a train, not trying to change the world Confused

grapewines · 01/05/2022 13:36

I don't want to ask for a seat. I was expecting to be asked if I need help. It just kindness.

That's not likely to happen on an overcrowded train, where people have already possibly missed a connection and just want to get where they're going. It's an unreasonable expectation, in my opinion.

grapewines · 01/05/2022 13:37

But you're clearly better than all of us, trying to change the world and all...

WhatNoRaisins · 01/05/2022 13:39

Honestly OP the train these days is really only a good option if you're able bodied and don't have too much to carry. No amount of wheelchair spaces or ramps is going to change people's behaviour.

Chattanooger · 01/05/2022 13:39

You were shouting from one end of the carriage to the other that you couldn’t find a seat?

That wouldn’t endear me to you in a way that would make me want to get out of
my seat and stand for 2+ hours so you could sit.

I probably wouldn’t have noticed you looking, then would have been irked at the fact you were shouting down a train carriage.

1smallhamsterfoot · 01/05/2022 13:40

keep the hope for a better world alive. Jesus Christ you sat on the floor for an hour you didn’t go through the holocaust

BlanketsBanned · 01/05/2022 13:40

I probably would have left baby in the carseat and put the carseat in the pram, you would have needed 2 seats and a table to look after and feed baby. If the bottle was made up before you for on the train either your or he could have fed baby in the pram and the other asked to sit in the empty seat without baby. Did you need to carry baby in a seat. Maybe a sling and a pre filled bottle would have been easier.

Antarcticant · 01/05/2022 13:40

grapewines · 01/05/2022 13:36

I don't want to ask for a seat. I was expecting to be asked if I need help. It just kindness.

That's not likely to happen on an overcrowded train, where people have already possibly missed a connection and just want to get where they're going. It's an unreasonable expectation, in my opinion.

I agree. If I see someone with no visible infirmity standing on a train, I would assume that, while obviously they'd probably prefer a seat, they have no urgent need of one. The only time I might offer would be if I was getting off at the next stop.

Svara · 01/05/2022 13:44

The baby had a seat in the pram so it would have only been able bodied adults standing. Carrying the baby around in a bulky carrier would mean you would need two seats instead of one which makes it more difficult. If a woman was looking for a seat to breastfeed in then any decent able bodied person would offer one, but you don't need a seat just to put a carrier down in when there is a pram for that purpose already.

Antarcticant · 01/05/2022 13:48

Carrying the baby around in a bulky carrier would mean you would need two seats instead of one which makes it more difficult.

Surely the OP could have taken the baby out of the carrier and given the carrier to her DH - she'd only need one seat if she held the baby in her arms/lap/whatever. She could have asked the people to move their bags and sat there with her baby - this was a set of four seats around a table so would have been ideal for her to make the bottle up as well.

JorisBonson · 01/05/2022 13:49

1smallhamsterfoot · 01/05/2022 13:40

keep the hope for a better world alive. Jesus Christ you sat on the floor for an hour you didn’t go through the holocaust

Exactly. This post smacks of entitlement.

MissFranKubelik · 01/05/2022 13:49

When my eldest was five months old I travelled a four hour train journey - standing in the aisle the whole way holding her - with a heavy back pack on my back. Nobody offered me a seat. I don’t believe it’s my job to embarrass someone into doing the rugby thing by asking them.

INeedNewShoes · 01/05/2022 13:53

They were able to see that I was looking for a seat and they didn't offer it.

Ah, so there was a seat available. All you needed to do was ask.

If you’re prone to panic attacks triggered by everyday things like this I think you need to plan your travel more carefully. Only travel at much quieter times, leave plenty of time between connecting trains.

Also, consider whether you could use a different travel system for the baby that’s more manageable.

The one time I needed to travel alone with my newborn and needed the full caboodle of car seat and pram I stomached the cost of a first class ticket to make my life as easy as possible.

I also had to ask other passengers to help me get on the train. But I didn’t just stand there expecting that offer of help as I know that travelers are often very focused on what they’re doing and are often oblivious to someone needing help.

Svara · 01/05/2022 13:53

Antarcticant · 01/05/2022 13:48

Carrying the baby around in a bulky carrier would mean you would need two seats instead of one which makes it more difficult.

Surely the OP could have taken the baby out of the carrier and given the carrier to her DH - she'd only need one seat if she held the baby in her arms/lap/whatever. She could have asked the people to move their bags and sat there with her baby - this was a set of four seats around a table so would have been ideal for her to make the bottle up as well.

Yes, she made it more difficult by lugging around a carrier. I don't see the point in removing the carrier from the pram. You'd remove the baby if it needed to be held for comfort or feeding.

Bewaldeth · 01/05/2022 13:54

So you're carrying a screaming baby and bellowing down the length of the carriage at your husband? No wonder nobody wanted you to sit with them, that is far too much noise in a crowded train for a start.

You're not doing much to make the world a better place for all those people on that train with all this entitlement and racket, are you? I can't bear people making too much noise in an enclosed space, there's really no need for it.

Stop having a go.

SagittariusDwarf · 01/05/2022 14:00

You have a 3 month old baby and are "obviously pregnant"?

KangarooKenny · 01/05/2022 14:00

I once had a baby vomit it’s bottle all over me on a bus, I had to wear those clothes all day, and it was a hot day. Never again 🤢

Fossiltop · 01/05/2022 14:02

Your screaming baby would have given me a worse panic attack, due to my autism and sensitivity to noise. If you had sat next to me, I would have had to leave the carriage. So you're not making the world a better place for people like me.

Bewaldeth · 01/05/2022 14:02

I think the obviously pregnant thing was an earlier occasion where harassed travellers didn't leap to their feet to allow her to sit down, Sagittarius

Swipe left for the next trending thread