Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
UK travel

Welcome to our UK travel forum where you can get advice on everything from holidays to exotic destinations, to tips on London travel.

Original poster

Disappointment in the train

116 replies

chrlng · 30/04/2022 23:53

Hello to everyone. Please forgive any mistakes. I'm a foreigner living in the UK.

Last week I had to travel to London by train with my baby (3 months old). I had to change train and because of the first trains delay, I missed the second. That means I couldn't use the seat that I had booked because I had to take the next train.

I've been in the UK since 2019 and since day one I was surprised about how kind people were with me and my husband and how helpful they've been. But that day, I walked with a baby car seat throughout every train carrier, there was not a single seat available. Every seat was occupied. The baby was screaming, I had a panic attack because I had no space to put the babies pram so I just left it next to the exit door and desperately tried to find a seat to sit and calm down my baby. I passed by at least 100 people and not even ONE offered me a seat. That day I was so disappointed. I couldn't wrap my head around what happened. Everybody was looking but nobody offered a seat or asked me if I need help while I was struggling to move while holding the car seat with the baby inside. I ended up putting the baby back in the pram and standing next to the exit door for 2+ hours trying to make milk for the baby on the train floor.

How would you explain that? Why everyone ignored me? I've never felt like this before. British people have always been super kind so far.

I'd like to hear your opinion.

OP posts:
Original poster
chrlng · 01/05/2022 12:46

And by they way. I've stood many times in a bus/train whilst pregnant and nobody offered me a seat either.

OP posts:
LowlandLucky · 01/05/2022 12:50

I am sorry to say OPthat i am not surprised. Having done many train journeys with 3 small children on my own in England, i can assure you this is normal behaviour. I have had to leave my children on the platform with the luggage whilst i have carried the pushchair up 30 or more steps, then leave the baby at the top and go back and get the other children and the luggage, not one person ever offered to help, or i have had to stand with the children and feed the baby his bottle. The Great British Public aren't always that well mannered.

Lesperance · 01/05/2022 12:51

It would not occur to me to offer help to two parents with one baby. I would assume that you could manage. Equally, if I were to see somebody walking through a train, I would assume they were going to their seat. I think your expectations are really unreasonable.

Bewaldeth · 01/05/2022 12:53

But how on earth do people know you need a seat if you don't ask? And actually I'm not clear why you needed a seat anyway? Your baby needed a seat but already had a car seat and a pram, so that's the little one sorted. Why is it the Great British Public's responsibility to deal with you when you have a husband with you? My husband would be well hacked off if someone intervened with me. Mind, he wouldn't be trailing me down a train with a screaming baby, he'd either be holding the baby while I found a seat, or more likely found seats himself while I stayed with baby in the pram.

This is not our fault. I have never ever seen someone leap out of their seat while someone holding a baby walked by and insist they have their seat. As everyone has already said, almost everyone would presume you were on your way to the loos or the buffet car.

You need to let this go.

Original poster
chrlng · 01/05/2022 12:57

It was obvious that I was looking for a seat. So please stop telling me that they thought I was walking to the toilet or something. And my husband was waiting for me next to the exit. He wasn't following. Because guess what. There wasn't space for the folded pram and suitcase as well. The storage place was also full. As you all say I'm an adult (with a baby) able bodied to stand. I bet there were able bodied adults in that train WITHOUT a baby so easier for them to stand. Anyway as I said we probably have different perception about what's right or wrong.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 01/05/2022 13:03

Sounds like the main problem was that the baby was hungry and you and your H didn’t have milk ready.

SweetPetrichor · 01/05/2022 13:03

I would not give up my seat just cause someone has a screaming baby. It doesn’t make you anymore in need of a seat. I think you’re a bit unrealistic to expect it. Most people are likely just hoping the baby keeps moving on cause nobody wants to hear a crying baby for hours!

WhatNoRaisins · 01/05/2022 13:04

In my experience people on trains do tend to disappear into their own heads if that makes sense but I'm surprised no one noticed you were in need.

Loopytiles · 01/05/2022 13:04

If the baby was too small to hold a bottle in the pram and a mum was preparing to sit on the train floor to feed the baby, I’d offer my seat.

Antarcticant · 01/05/2022 13:08

The real issue here is how rubbish trains are in the UK - service delays and cancellations leading to overcrowding and loss of booked seats. Everyone is fed up, as pps have said. Following the missed connection your fellow passengers were just relieved to have a seat and to be moving the in the right direction; they didn't want further fuss and bother giving up their seats, moving their stuff and so on. Don't blame the British public, blame the fact that the powers that be seem chronically unable to run a railway.

Original poster
chrlng · 01/05/2022 13:08

I use to give my seat even to able bodied adults even if they just carry a big load and there's no space above to fit their stuff.

In the train when I was looking for a seat there were 4 seats with table and a family of three was sitting. The one seat was occupied with bags. I didn't ask for that seat. They were able to see that I was looking for a seat and they didn't offer it. I'm a person who's waiting to be offered something and not begging for that. I could ask the manager to give me that seat. But I think you're a bit confused. I'm not complaining about standing with the baby next to the exit. We finally did it. And it worked that way. The reason of this post is not about us standing for 2 hours or that ended up not getting a seat. The reason of this post is the lack of compassion that I faced. I don't want to ask for a seat. I was expecting to be asked if I need help. It just kindness.

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 01/05/2022 13:10

It was obvious that I was looking for a seat.

It wouldn't have been. You needed to ask.

If I'd seen you sitting on the floor, feeding your baby, I would of course have offered. It just doesn't sound like anyone did see you, unfortunately.

I'm not in the UK, but I don't think it's a UK problem. I think it's really a 'people on a busy train' problem, regardless of location

Bewaldeth · 01/05/2022 13:11

It wouldn't be obvious to me you were looking for a seat. I'm usually completely absorbed in Mumsnet work or my book or looking at the passing scenery. I ignore other travellers as much as possible.

You still haven't explained why you needed
a seat. Also, you said your husband was behind you as you kept turning round to him to say there wasn't a seat, but now you say he was with the pram somewhere else.

I'm afraid you're coming across as more and more entitled. I'm sorry you had a shit journey but it's nobody's fault. Stop having a go.

EarringsandLipstick · 01/05/2022 13:12

In the train when I was looking for a seat there were 4 seats with table and a family of three was sitting. The one seat was occupied with bags. I didn't ask for that seat. They were able to see that I was looking for a seat and they didn't offer it. I'm a person who's waiting to be offered something and not begging for that.

That's nuts.

The normal etiquette is to ask! Of course you should have asked them to move their bags & sit down. It's not up to them to offer & it's not begging to ask!

Original poster
chrlng · 01/05/2022 13:12

I still remember being 37 weeks pregnant standing for an hour in the train because nobody offered a seat either.
Just the majority don't care.

OP posts:
Antarcticant · 01/05/2022 13:12

The one seat was occupied with bags. I didn't ask for that seat.

Well, that's unacceptable in a crowded train. They should have moved the bags as soon as the train got crowded, without being asked.

Having said that, you should have asked them to move the bags and if they refused, got the Train Manager involved.

EarringsandLipstick · 01/05/2022 13:14

I don't want to ask for a seat. I was expecting to be asked if I need help. It just kindness.

I would always offer help to a mum on her own with a baby / children, if I thought it was needed.

I wouldn't offer a mum with just one baby & a husband help tho, I'd feel I was intruding. Two adults, one baby, why would you beds help?

Antarcticant · 01/05/2022 13:14

It's not up to them to offer

Disagree - if the train is so full that people are standing, you should move your bags off the seat without being asked. Bags on seats are only acceptable if the train is half-empty and there's clearly no shortage of seats.

Bewaldeth · 01/05/2022 13:15

So there was a seat, but because it wasn't offered, you thought people were being rude? Yes they were, but you didn't even ask. If someone walked past me and didn't ask about an empty seat, I couldn't possible know they were looking for a seat. That's bonkers.

Stop having a go.

EarringsandLipstick · 01/05/2022 13:15

chrlng · 01/05/2022 13:12

I still remember being 37 weeks pregnant standing for an hour in the train because nobody offered a seat either.
Just the majority don't care.

I've been in this situation too (Ireland, not UK). People often just didn't notice. If I wanted a seat I asked, and I always got given it.

Often tho I didn't want to sit, I preferred to stand, even at 37 weeks, I just felt more comfortable.

Antarcticant · 01/05/2022 13:16

chrlng · 01/05/2022 13:12

I still remember being 37 weeks pregnant standing for an hour in the train because nobody offered a seat either.
Just the majority don't care.

The issue with offering a seat to a 'pregnant' woman is that you might offend them if they are not in fact pregnant, but overweight.

EarringsandLipstick · 01/05/2022 13:16

Antarcticant · 01/05/2022 13:14

It's not up to them to offer

Disagree - if the train is so full that people are standing, you should move your bags off the seat without being asked. Bags on seats are only acceptable if the train is half-empty and there's clearly no shortage of seats.

Sorry that's true. They should move their bags.

But if they haven't, OP should ask them to and sit down. She was saying she expected them to ask her. That's not usual.

pooktline · 01/05/2022 13:16

OP many people have told you it would not have been obvious you were looking for a seat, why are you so convinced we would know? There is not a chance I would be gauging every person walking past in case they were looking for a seat.

I also think the way you posted was sneaky and your compliant is fully ridiculous. You had another adult with you. You keep saying about having a panic attack but I can't work out why you wouldn't have got support from your husband? Plenty of families travel every day, your situation isn't remotely special and standing on a bus when pregnant has nothing to do with it.

onemouseplace · 01/05/2022 13:23

OK - so there was a spare seat somewhere but you didn't even ask if you could sit down? You wanted to be offered? You really aren't helping yourself are you? If I was on that carriage I'd have assumed you were either happy to stand, or you specifically wanted two seats together (either for your and your husband, or you and your car seat as you were pointlessly lugging it around) if you didn't avail yourself of the available seat.

Antarcticant · 01/05/2022 13:25

But if they haven't, OP should ask them to and sit down. She was saying she expected them to ask her. That's not usual

Yes, absolutely she should have asked - or involved the train manager. When the train manager suggested there might be a seat in another carriage, that was the OP's chance to say 'there's one in this carriage but it's got bags on it'.

Swipe left for the next trending thread