Is this the right approach for my prick of a boss?

[twigtoleaf]

My boss is a prick. I could give a million examples, but he's on the radar of executive for being generally slack and rude and unpleasant and I was told recently, and quietly, by exec member that she now sees all emails from our general team email address.

In a meeting last week we were talking about doing some more work in aged care. He said casually to me 'So what do we call people in aged care, is it inmates?' (He thinks he's witty but his wit is always, always punching down. and not funny.)

I said, no, it's residents. And he moved on.

This year my mum moved into aged care with dementia and a broken hip. It's been very difficult and sad and he knows this.

If I send an email 'clarifying language guidelines' to 'avoid reputational damage and ensure we are using the correct language now we are working more in this space' and cc the team, exec can see it. He will be in the shit.

Is there anyone in HR who can tell me if this is a good move or not? I will of course be polite. I could go to HR myself but I feel like this is calmer and will call him out to the rest of the team. He is already on notice for unprofessional language.

You’re being ridiculous and oversensitive. He’s joking.

Pretty lame joke.

How do you know all this about your boss?

And they will all see straight through you OP, if you want to report him then just report him, don’t pretend to send a helpful email.

It’s only a joke if people are laughing, and nobody is.

I’d send the email OP.

If he's already on notice for his language then I'd imagine he's being monitored closely and honestly I wouldn't do anything. I'd adopt the give him enough rope approach. He will make another comment soon enough.

In your opinion. I think it’s funny. We all have different senses of humour.

You can’t find offence in everything.

But isn't this the rope? Also I am so tired of his comments. I don't want another one.

That’s not the definition of a joke. And quite frankly, even if it was, I think it’s funny. Everyone has a different sense of humour.

I think you go to hr

Forget trying to plot and plan. Be straight forward and honest

Whether it’s a good move or not depends on the internal dynamics of your team and organisation. Only you know. He could make things worse for you without leaving.

Just send the email out to everyone, if he asks say you wanted to ensure nobody else was confused. Just look blank if he says he was joking.

I'd want a senior member of staff to make the call. You risk putting yourself into a difficult situation here if you send the email. He's still your boss and I imagine could make life quite difficult for you?

It's an organisation with a very clear focus on supporting vulnerable people so joking about 'inmates' in aged care would be considered unprofessional. He's already on notice for his behaviour. My role is in writing so it wouldn't be unusual for me to send around a language guide to the rest of the team - it's something we should also be aware of and the language around aged care/dementia etc is very clear.

Yes. It is proportional and reasonable in this context. Also, your exec member was giving you a discrete heads-up.

Also he's already making life difficult for me. Death by a thousand cuts. He's frequently out of the office though and slacking off so my position is safe and I have a lot of support from everyone in the organisation.

This is the correct answer. Don’t play games, just play it straight.

In a sense though this is playing it straight - we are in communications, he has used incorrect and offensive language in a meeting and I am sending the team guidelines around the correct language to use because aged care is a new area for us and we need to get it right.

We are in health and so the language we use around healthcare has a lot of weight when it comes to our reputation as a whole.

actually I might approach him directly and then let HR know I have done so, and what the context was.

We can have a damn good try though.

How do you usually circulate information/minutes from a meeting?

I would definitely make a note of the comment and any further things like this and try to have a quiet word with the exec/hr and ask on advice about how to proceed with things like this.

We don't generally - there's very little process which is one of our problems. When the door to those meetings closes he seems to think he can say what he wants to me and be as rude as he likes and the rest of the team, three younger women, will go along with it.

I have been keeping notes and I will have a word with HR. He's very good at plausible deniability but I feel like referring to people in care homes as inmates to a team member whose mother is in a care home might have gone too far to be deniable.

In that case, maybe it is worth bringing up as a way of improving communication that you start sharing notes from meetings. I would keep it factual and not highlight his words from this meeting but then if in subsequent meetings he makes the joke again you can point to the minutes or overview from this meeting that the appropriate term is residents.

It nullifies the "I didn't know the right term so asked the question?" Defence.

In my last work place we used Google Docs in the meeting for key points, I would be tempted to start doing that. One person made the notes as we went through the meeting and it was shared afterwards.

It doesn't need to be war and peace

Moving into aged care
X asked if people within aged care should be referred to as inmates, informed that residents would be more appropriate.

Then circulate after the meeting, please find attached notes from today's meeting. Key actions are blah, blah and blah.

I wouldn't draw attention to the comment just leave it there without opinion or comment.

do any of your colleagues join meetings over Zoom? I was in one last week where the client used an app to produce the minutes - because there was already agreement for the meeting to be held on Zoom and recorded (standard co policy) using an app for the minutes was easily accepted.

might be a useful way forward?

Maybe send an email to senior management asking for their clarification of the terminology to be used regarding aged care, and that you assume the correct way to describe people living in care homes would be 'residents'. Could they please confirm, so that all staff are aware.

An exec has time to go through your team inbox? Really?