Husband denied receiving money from his mum

[Whenlifegiveslemons]

My husband has been given money by his mum - he has concealed this. I noticed it on his bank statement & asked him outright & he denied it. Ive checked again & my eyes arent decieving me, its there in black & white.

i'm really mad about it because it shows he isnt honest & has comfortably lied to my face. He is fairly selfish with money in general, he pays most of our bills, I work part time & struggle on a small wage as do the lions share of parenting. Its £1500.

For context, we've been married 10 years, 2 young children & marriage isnt a happy one.

Am I over reacting? How would you feel?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/divorce_separation/5512477-husband-planning-divorce-and-telling-family-first-what-should-i-do

how could you had forgotten he was planning to divorce you

Maybe tell him this evening that you would like access to joint savings because you don't have a penny left after you've paid your share of the bills.

See how he reacts to that idea.

How old are the dc? Has he refused to contribute to nursery fees?

Let us know when you leave him x

I think a parent should be able to give their adult child something for them that doesn't have to be absorbed into family coffers.

however, lies and being mean with money are not ok

He deliberately lied. That makes it the OP's business.

Why would any normal person lie to their spouse about a present from their mum?

If they were planning to squirrel it away or spend it on divorce legal fees

Gosh id forgotten i'd shared that on here, i was in a bit of a state after what I had read. i'd read a message sharing he was going to speak to a solicitor (amongst other things about our marriage failures) - the solicitor contact didn't happen, as far as I know. You can probably tell, communication isnt great between us.

I can't just separate from him, it isnt that easy. I've shared reasons in a previous reply.

How much do you have every month?

Op you have started loads and posted loads about how the both of you have been very unhappy and barely engaging for years

Ive done that before & he has said (in a row) I can have all the savings in my accounts & I can manage them, but it never happens.

You forgot that your husband had started divorce planning back in spring of this year?

Crikey, what is your problem? I've created maybe 3 threads re my marriage. And yes I had forgotten exactly what I had said because it was an extremely difficult time & i needed to offload & maybe mentally blocked those months out.

He hadnt started divorce planning, he had said he was going to & yes I/we had moved on from this believe it or not.

I have three adult DC and I’d like to think I can give money directly to them to spend.

my problem? Op you have been very unhappy for years. You are desperate to separate on another thread. Your husband has even sneakily planned divorce (your words).

This is just the tip of the iceberg

Would you expect them to conceal the gift from their husband/wife?

5 threads in a few months about weaponising. Him giving you 10 days of silent treatment, sneaky divorce planning….

Possibly if the marriage was as bad as the OP’s sounds.

And he’s told his family about their problems apparently

Id never look at my dps bank statement.
He wouldn't look at mine. Id find it intrusive.
I'd also just tell dp if my parents gifted me £1500 and I'd choose what to spend it on.
We don't fully share finances though ( id hate that) so perhaps I'm looking at it differently than others would.

In the context of such an unhappy marriage, is it really that surprising that he keeps gifts of money from his parents to himself?

Normally I’d think it was wrong to hide things like that, but if you don’t want to be with each other any more and are staying for reasons other than love for each other then I don’t think either of you should be obliged to share personal gifts

Exactly this.

a health happy marriage - would be very odd to squirrel away money.

a toxic deeply unhappy marriage where both parties have been talking about divorce for years - would be odd not to squirrel away money. In fact, number is always suggesting it to OPs planning to leave!

Im going against the grain
Its a gift off his mother to do what he wishes with it, your having issues with him. He plays all the bills surely your car and phone are your responsibilty?The fact youve saved up for a holiday would suggest you have more spare money than your making out. Id love to be able to have extra money to put away. Id cancel the holiday use the money for divorce proceedings.

Your clearly unhappy and 5 threads in short space of time says everything if start the seperation today. Out of interest what do you get a month and what do you pay?

If I was on the brink of divorce and my parent gave me some money I wouldn’t voluntarily share that information with my spouse either.

OP, it sounds like there are some huge issues in your relationship, this is comparatively speaking a minor one. Your marriage doesn’t seem to have the foundations to be a healthy one. There is too much resentment, dishonesty and you don’t actually like or care for each other. I’d hate to think what it does to your kids growing up with this.