Don’t want my 16 year old here anymore.

[Blackwidowsbite]

Just that really had enough, the last 6 years have been hell, he’s disrespectful, rude, always threatens to put me on my ass, doesn’t listen to me, do as he is told, eats all the food and has no care about anyone else, he doesn’t go to school is home tutored twice a week. He has ADHD but I’m just done with it all, he refuses his meds, won’t go to his appointments, sleeps all day and is awake all night. I tried putting rules and boundaries in place and he constantly pushes them, he’s a bad influence on his siblings they are becoming like him and I’m a single mum and really struggling. He doesn’t go out, doesn’t want to do anything but play games all day every day, he spends money on my card for his games without my permission, I’ve had this for the last 6 years and I just can’t do it anymore, he is affecting my mental health and I’m constantly exhausted, he kicks off and smashes things, he tries to over power my parenting when I try and tell his siblings off or put rules in place. I don’t want him here anymore. What do I do? How do I get him out? I’m actually scared he’s going to hit me and then his siblings think it’s ok, he’s already attacked me before. I feel like I have to walk on egg shells. This isn’t a life.

Do not comment if you haven’t got anything nice to say. This isn’t even the half of what I’ve had to put up with the last 6 years!!

Where's his dad in all of this?
X

Hasn't seen him in 3 years. Always false promises and lies. He wouldn’t have him I’ve asked him there’s always excuses.

Exactly this. The boy needs a father figure. Whether it's biological dad or grandad to model himself on. He doesn't seem to have any sort of direction or purpose.

Parenting teens can be really really hard.
is there something you both like doing together?

That sounds unbearable.
I can't imagine how much it hurts when someone you love deeply and who you've cared for for years, turns around and treats you like this.

Sadly, sometimes you have to put yourself and your other kids first. I don't blame you for wanting him to move out.

I hope someone has some practical advice for you.

He’s always hitting and grabbing up my younger two boys all infront of his 3 year old sister. I can’t always get him off them as he’s a big lad. I just don’t want him here anymore. I’ve had enough.

Is there any other family or friends he could stay with?
Do you have a social worker?

Might sound drastic but you can call childrens social care and refer yourself for help.
Good luck. Hope things get better for you and all of your children.

I do think he's crying out for a father figure though. His dad should be ashamed.
X

I begged the social to help me few years back they are useless. I don’t have friends or family that can help.

Get him involved in a martial art or a gym. Even better if you can both do it together, and you can dip out of its not your cup of tea but the lads in a gym will see his potential if he's angry and willing to put in the work.

i have suggested all this he don’t want to do anything, plus he will use them moves on his brothers he’s aggressive as it is.

Do you have a local adhd like ADHD Embrace? It is an amazing charity near me that offer lots of support. If they can't help you directly I am sure they will recommend someone.

good luck

Take him to his dad's place and drive away without him. Make the deadbeat look after his son.

It's out of your control then. He cannot be violent to your other kids, they have the right to not being attacked. I would agree with other posters saying get social services involved.

Hi OP call them again. Tell them you have reached crisis point and you will be forced to make your 16 yr old essentially homeless if they do not intervene.
They have a duty of care to your son as he will be homeless at 16.
I feel for you I really do my own son has ADHD I know how hard this is. X

Section 20 social services

I think you need to write down what is going on with dates and times and go back to social services. Tell them about safeguarding for younger children. I'd get MP involved if they continue to be rubbish

Jees, after all the OP has said about how bad things are and he is terrorising her and the family, people think she might like to do social things with him to make him feel better.
OMG, you have no idea how worn down a mother can get with this going on. Or else you are teasing her.

A bit of reality. It's probably only going to get worse. Parent to child abuse is a growing problem, especially teenage boys with single mothers.

You need to find a way to move him on. Sounds cruel, but he needs a lesson and you can gift it to him

Best of luck. Been there too and kicked him out. Was certainly the best decision for everyone.

Don’t know here he is, he had to move because he got into trouble with some drug gang years ago.

Financially, cancel your bank card so you have a new number and he can't use it to buy stuff for his gaming.

Social don’t care. I’ve begged for help before with it all. Unless I’m sticking needles in my own arm and getting pissed up every night they don’t give a shit

You need to contact children’s services at your local council. Ring them tomorrow and explain that you are frightened of him. Tell them you are going to throw him out and tell them when. Then he needs to present as homeless at the local council and they have a duty to provide him with accommodation. Getting him away from you is the only way to fix this, he’s not going to improve, this will only get worse so do it now before he gets stronger and more unmanageable.

Can I ask what he does now and if you have a relationship with him still?

Off course I love him but I can’t keep living like this and nor can his siblings. I walk on eggshells around him all the time in fear he’s going to punch me. I can’t be doing that when I’m meant to be the parent even my other children have noticed this too. It’s embarrassing.

I’ve done this got two new cards coming.

So sorry you’re going through this. I can empathise as a single parent to nd kids, it’s fucking hard and lonely. Social services have zero interest it would seem. You could knock their door down and beg for help and they’d tell you to ‘go on a parenting course’.
find a peer support group online or irl, keep chipping away at your gp and the NHS and local authority adhd and autism tea ms and request an assessment, say you’re worried about your ability to cope and the impact of that on your younger children.
it might not get you much but it might give more than you’re getting now.
its hard as they get physically big too.
sending hugs