Don’t want my 16 year old here anymore.

[Blackwidowsbite]

Just that really had enough, the last 6 years have been hell, he’s disrespectful, rude, always threatens to put me on my ass, doesn’t listen to me, do as he is told, eats all the food and has no care about anyone else, he doesn’t go to school is home tutored twice a week. He has ADHD but I’m just done with it all, he refuses his meds, won’t go to his appointments, sleeps all day and is awake all night. I tried putting rules and boundaries in place and he constantly pushes them, he’s a bad influence on his siblings they are becoming like him and I’m a single mum and really struggling. He doesn’t go out, doesn’t want to do anything but play games all day every day, he spends money on my card for his games without my permission, I’ve had this for the last 6 years and I just can’t do it anymore, he is affecting my mental health and I’m constantly exhausted, he kicks off and smashes things, he tries to over power my parenting when I try and tell his siblings off or put rules in place. I don’t want him here anymore. What do I do? How do I get him out? I’m actually scared he’s going to hit me and then his siblings think it’s ok, he’s already attacked me before. I feel like I have to walk on egg shells. This isn’t a life.

Do not comment if you haven’t got anything nice to say. This isn’t even the half of what I’ve had to put up with the last 6 years!!

Or maybe people are interested in getting to root of the issue? The boy needs fucking discipline and someone who will guide him. Noone is asking her to take him to a jaunty tennis match with afternoon tea. He needs a sense of purpose and someone who will hold him accountable.
But oh yes. Telling your 16 year old to get out of your house will help them become a well-rounded individual who will definitely not take their rage further.

I personally think this is now my only option with him. I can’t actually do another two years off this until he’s 18 and I can actually say fuck off. I’m mentally and physically drained.

Do the CMS not tell you?

He should get supported housing quite quickly or a foster placement if op is adamant about not being able to keep him at home anymore. No shame if you can’t @Blackwidowsbite , you have to protect yourself and the younger kids. He ‘should’ get some structure and routine in a placement where they’re not emotionally involved with him

I’ve tried to get him to come out with me just us, even for breakfast, lunch or dinner just us time, I say about the cinema, or having a film night. He’s not interested in doing anything with me or just in general. He never leaves the house and doesn’t socialise as he has no friends here he has one mate that lives an hour away but barely sees and is also a major bad influence on him. For the sake of my own health and the three younger children I feel all doors have been closed and him moving out is now the only option I have. He doesn’t want to change, nor does he care about anyone else in this house hold. I’ve had enough of this now I’m at my wits end because the last 6 years have been extremely hard work, stressful and just exhausting. He is defiant and doesn’t do anything I ask or doesn’t listen to me.

He’s never paid a penny towards his upbringing.

Sometimes it’s just not possible to provide the best support at home. There’s purpose built homes for young people with challenging behaviour with staff who are trained in techniques to support kids like this, adhd and autism can have very challenging traits, especially in youngsters with changing hormones and learning to regulate themselves.
it could potentially transform the mother and son relationship.

He has an EHCP in place and has a diagnosis of ADHD I think supported housing would be the help he will get. I just think he needs a massive eye opener.

I hope you can get him support and respite for you all at home.

He has if there is such a thing severe challenging behaviour. He literally doesn’t like rules, boundaries or being told no. He will smash things, shout, get abusive and threatening if he doesn’t get what he wants or is told no.

Same. I’m so exhausted. Honestly I just can’t deal with it anymore.

I'm sorry, OP. You're at your wits end. I don't think it's right to turf your son out because he could descend into worse stuff. It's about the bigger picture.
Go to the doctor and ask to get a CAMHs referral. The waiting list is arduous, but your boy needs therapy in some form. He didn't wake up deciding to be a cunt.

Next time he hits anyone ring the police r and have him removed.
your younger kids deserve to live in a safe home and if this was a partner everyone would be telling you to leave him,
contact social services for help and let a night in the cells scare him silly.
iv been in your shoes and it’s hell on earth when mine finally left I wept tears of joy mate,
he’s a lovely grown up man now and I love him to death but il admit there was a time I hated him

That was your second mistake. Your first was having a kid with such a prince among men. But that's easy to see in hindsight, harder to see beforehand.

Alongside arranging for fostering, get CMS claims started for all your kids. If you're going to walk on eggshells in your own home whilst you raise the kids without any practical help from their sperm donors, at least you can get some money from said sperm donors towards raising their kids.

I have a child who has strong PDA traits, it feels impossible some days and it does negatively impact the rest of the household.
If there is violence then the police as suggested above should be your first port of call, they will definitely raise the alarm with ss which will help your case too

He will not attend any appointments. I had him referred to CAMHS he didn’t and wouldn’t engage so they discharged him. I’ve begged for social to help, I’ve even asked the police to have a word because at one point the vandalism in my home was just crazy, I’ve asked about therapy he wouldn’t engage with that, he won’t take his meds, he won’t even go to his adhd appointments. The kid won’t do anything. So what else can I do? Just shut up and put up with it for another 2 years? While he mentally and maybe physically abuses me and his siblings? No. You can’t help someone who don’t want to be helped for the last 6 years I’ve tried everything. It’s been all about him, his education, his health his life, his future.

Haven’t read the full thread op, but have you looked at pathological demand avoidance? It might be worth looking at approaches to communicating with him with that in mind. Has he had any other assessments? Asd? Depression?

She hasn’t made any mistakes

And here we have someone with no bloody clue.
If you've nothing useful to add then do one.

Also I think you should push back for referrals to CAMHS and ask for their support in engaging with appointments, I’ve observed services do phone appointments where the child speaks to the parent and the parent relays responses over the phone, video calls are also an option, as would practitioners coming to the home. He doesn’t need to go and they should understand that.

It’s extremely difficult. I’m sorry you are going through this. I have had similar with my DS. Calling the police when he threatened me was quite useful. They were actually really good and basically gave him a caution and told me to call them again if he did it again. They took it seriously. This will also help you to get support from social services.

lol I knew this comment was coming. Trust me if I could turn back time my choices in life would be 1000% different. I was young and naive first love and all that bullshit, I had a CMS case on him for years ending up owing me a lot of money but then I just thought he’s never going to pay it back because let’s face it £5 a month for the rest of his life just isn’t worth the hassle if honest. The bloke was in and out of jobs more than a prostitute in clients pants. So I just couldn’t be bothered going after money when I would barely get anything anyways.

An ASD referal has been done. I would love to get him to the GP but it’s impossible. Plus because he is 16 now I have to have consent from him which he won’t do just to be defiant again.

They should understand and make services accessible for everyone.
I tried this by prior arrangement and on the day the assessor refused to engage with me directly. These services are all so hit and miss, it can be the luck of the draw with regards to the knowledge and experience of’professionals’

I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this, his behaviour sounds awful and you have really tried to help him and get support.

id second the suggestion of calling the police every time he is abusive or violent towards you or his siblings as a crime has been committed - police will have to involve SS and you can tell them you are no longer able to house him due to the risks to his younger siblings.

You are doing a great job in shitty circumstances xx