Husband leaving again after daughter's death and I cannot cope

[Newnamenewname26]

I don’t know how to carry on . I do not have any family as my dad was an abusive alcoholic , so I left at 18 and did not go back.
I married young and had dd . When she was 6 I discovered he was having an affair . He drew out leaving and it was so hard mentally . He eventually came back and suggested we moved to another part of the country. We could not sell our house so he stayed both a couple of months.
There was a time he moved away weekdays , he said for work , but now I don’t know . He moves back.
Ds is then born . I am happy . After 3 years , Dd 19, tells me her dad is having an affair. He admits it . It is the same woman as in our old area. He called her because of he felt like it out of the blue , he says .
He moves out . Covid comes . Dd 19 dies by suicide . I am broken . He comes back .
Today , 6 years later , and a week before Ds s birthday he tells me he will be moving out in 2 weeks. He wants a more active life . He is unhappy and stressed with the house . Wants to spend more time in a near by city with friends .
i am hollow , I am blank ,my head is fuzzy . I can’t do this again . I can’t go on . I am crying so much because I love my son , but I really can’t . I am selfish and hate myself .
No one can help me , so I don’t know why I am writing . I just want human contact . I am so sorry .

Please reach out to someone irl. You can go on and it will get better.

Please call samaritans
How old is ds?

I don’t have anyone. Lost all friends after dds death because I could not face speaking to anyone .

He is 10.

Does ds have friends?

Tell one of ds friend s parents . Reach out.

Yes , but I do t know their parents . Dds death changed me forever . I am almost scared of people and meeting new people .

People will ask me how many children I have and I don’t know what to say . I miss dd so much . I want her back .

I’m so, so sorry

You have already achieved a huge amount by reaching out to us - do you think you might be able to contact someone in real life?

I’m so sorry that you lost your daughter. That pain alone is so much to bear. Believe me I know.
You deserve so much more than your DH. Your DS needs you. The worst has already happened you can get through this.
You could call the Samaritans, reach out to a bereavement charity or self refer for talking therapy.
I’m sorry your friends were rubbish. Some people can’t cope don’t know what to say do just don’t bother. When our daughter died we found out who our real friends were.

I really don’t have anybody .

Could you reach out to one of the old friends that you lost touch with after dd's death? I would 100% want to help in that scenario, regardless of whether you had chosen not to speak to me in ages.

honestly pick up the phone. Or message.

people will understand. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but they will.

I’m so sorry, this is a lot. As per previous PP the worst has already happened and you’ve survived it. I think you are stronger than you know. Your husband has treated you appallingly for years .
my Dsis died by suicide I know the complicated emotions it brings, particularly guilt. Please reach out to someone xx

Hello New Name,

Sending hugs and solidarity.

I know the impact of losing a beloved child to suicide as my DS took his own life 6 years ago. It was like a grenade going off in the centre of my family. My Dd was 17 and went off the rails and my Dh withdrew.

Please contact TCF (The Compassionate Friends) and or SoBS (Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide). They have both provided lifelines to me and helped me to realise that I am not alone in this terrible situation.

Sending you strength and love at such a difficult time xx

I’m sorry for your loss. Talk to the Samaritans.

It might be worth going to your gp for some short term anti depressants to get you over the hump of things.

Would it be possible to take some time off work and go get some sunshine somewhere?Just you and your boy.

Please do not take this “man” back for a fourth time. Not ever again.
Sometimes life keeps giving us the same lesson until we learn it. This man should never have been taken back after his first betrayal. He will never put his family first.

Put your needs first and take some rest. Be kind to yourself.

OP please talk to one of the organisations suggested above by other posters.

You have no choice but to keep trying to survive, and you can. Even just a day at a time. Keep posting on here. Tell us about your children.

Please call Samaritans or pray and ask for guidance. You don’t have to believe or be religious. Just please ask. You are so not alone. 🌷🌷

I am so so sorry for all you’ve been through @Newnamenewname26 it is truly heartbreaking.

I really think you should ring the Samaritans. They are a wonderful service. I rang them once at my lowest ebb and it really did help.

I really think you need someone to speak to about this extreme level of pain. It won’t make it go away but there is something about having pain witnessed by someone else that does help a little.

Withdrawing in that level of grief is perfectly normal. Many people need to do that in order for them to develop the capacity to carry that much before they can function in any way in relationships.

I think maybe first start with a bereavement charity and get to meet others who get you and what you are experiencing. Over time you can reach out to people you knew before but it is probably too soon for that yet.

My cousin who I had barely spoken to in 20 years (not due to any particular reason only we have an enormous family and life had moved on) got in touch with me when she lost her son through suicide during Covid.

We have been in touch every day for 5 years since then and speak all of the time.

She has found a path through the molasses of this type of grief and loss. You will too. She had the world’s most shit husband too which like your situation made it very difficult but she did it.

I am so sorry for your loss. Even really strong relationships struggle to survive the death of a child.

There is some good advise from previous posters. Take each day at a time. Your grief will never go away but as time passes you will rebuild your life around it for you and your son.

116 123 is the number for Samaritans who help people who feel they can't go on. It is free of charge from your mobile. They are very kind please call them. You have been through so much.

Thinking of you OP xx You will survive this, because you have to for DS sake. You can do it. You've survived the worst possible scenario and still been a good Mum to DS. You can keep going. Sending you positive thoughts...

Is it just you and DS at home?

He moves out . Covid comes . Dd 19 dies by suicide . I am broken . He comes back .

It sounds like he only moved back in because of DDs death and so it was reasonable that he would move back out.

You need to separate him and your DD.

Whether he is there or not, it won’t bring your DD back and frankly I’d rather be without someone who doesn’t want to be with me.

You need professional help, so does DS.

I cannot even begin to imagine what it’s like losing a child but to lose one by suicide must be extra awful.

Forget about DH and focus on yourself and son.

If you feel you can’t care for DS right now, would his dad not take him full time?