I don’t know how to carry on . I do not have any family as my dad was an abusive alcoholic , so I left at 18 and did not go back.
I married young and had dd . When she was 6 I discovered he was having an affair . He drew out leaving and it was so hard mentally . He eventually came back and suggested we moved to another part of the country. We could not sell our house so he stayed both a couple of months.
There was a time he moved away weekdays , he said for work , but now I don’t know . He moves back.
Ds is then born . I am happy . After 3 years , Dd 19, tells me her dad is having an affair. He admits it . It is the same woman as in our old area. He called her because of he felt like it out of the blue , he says .
He moves out . Covid comes . Dd 19 dies by suicide . I am broken . He comes back .
Today , 6 years later , and a week before Ds s birthday he tells me he will be moving out in 2 weeks. He wants a more active life . He is unhappy and stressed with the house . Wants to spend more time in a near by city with friends .
i am hollow , I am blank ,my head is fuzzy . I can’t do this again . I can’t go on . I am crying so much because I love my son , but I really can’t . I am selfish and hate myself .
No one can help me , so I don’t know why I am writing . I just want human contact . I am so sorry .