What kind of person am I?

[mashpatooties]

I've always considered myself to be fairly liberal, accepting and kind.
I don't know if it's my reaching almost mid 50's, menopause, a huge shift in the way the world is now or what but my mindset has definitely changed. To be clear, here's what I have a problem with:

1. Donald Trump, Nigel Farage, Boris Johnson, Elon Musk, Andrew Tate and their ilk.
2. Everyone and their uncle having a diagnosis of autism/Asperger's/ADHD .. Where did these come from and what happened to all the naughty kids?
3. Trans-rights overtaking human rights or more specifically the rights of women and LGBandQ people.
4. Little scrotes in balaclavas riding escooters in heavy traffic like the dickheads they are
5. Bigger scrotes in balaclavas driving vehicles the wrong way down a motorway.

I'm still kind, I'm still thoughtful but I'm also overwhelmed by how society has changed so much that it's unrecognisable.

AIBU to think that we are absolutely fucking doomed?

Yes, it seems that these diagnoses are a catch all for life's problems. Where were all the Nd people 20/30/40 years ago?
Also, why so aggressive?
This is a laid bare post about my upsets and concerns about the world around me. These things affect me on a daily basis in one way or another. Don't you have frustrations and worries about the future? Or do you just know the answer to everything?

Historically, when looking at general data, people have always shifted from liberal to centrists to central/right or right as they grow older. It’s common and has been since politics existed.

It is perfectly ok to hold some views you are slightly uncomfortable with and feel are at odds with an earlier version of yourself. It would be much odder if you dogmatically stuck to the 25yo version of yourself.

All I would say is look deeper into these areas, are the little/big scrotes like that because they were born bad and are deep down evil? Or is there more to it than that? Have they grown up in chaos and violence? If you were young and had an escooter at your disposal would you use it? Did you also feel invincible when you were young?

Are Trans rights really overtaking everything or is this something your algorithm/the news etc has fed you? In fact is it a tiny minority of people struggling with something you can't comprehend and an even tinier minority of very reactionary vocal people jumping on the bandwagon?

ADHD/Autism - where were all these people? Were they were struggling, told they were naughty fidgets, told they were weirdos, given no help and had to cope with feeling different and alone for no reason. Could being diagnosed help them cope with their neurodiversity and be accepted into society or should they just be left to fester in their own juices? By the same token should we have ignored advances in Cancer treatment and let those people suffer unnecessarily?

No1 - well you are on the right side of history and I can't imagine a younger version of you would have liked them either!

So I guess what I am saying is don't just knee jerk against a group, look into it more deeply and try and understand what's going on (and I don't mean on social media!) A lot of this polarisation (as I am sure you know) comes from being fed stuff and you need to break out of that. If you still hold those views then you will at least be informed and be able to back up your opinions and not feel like you are maybe not quite yourself.

Clearly, I need to clarify some things.

1. They can all get in the bin
2. My RL experience of autistic people is overwhelmingly negative. In my professional life as well as my family life. It's used a catch all reason to not participate in the world, take responsibility for themselves and cause real unhappiness in family and friends dynamics. It apparently can be turned on and off - "I can't get a job, clean up after myself or be reasonable to people but I can perform DJ sets in front of hundreds of people, travel hundreds of miles on public transport to meet people I met online and anything else that's fun".
3. I fully support trans people being treated with fairness and respect. I deal with trans people in my professional life and I'm inclusive and respectful and warm. However, trans women who are claiming specific female protections I don't agree with. I don't have the answers. I just feel that it's a slippery slope.

4 and 5 need no explanation.

I spend as much time online as in nature. Nature has changed loads, I'm sure you can't mean what you say. Climate change?

I can possibly answer #2.

I was diagnosed with autism in my early 40s. I've also now been referred for an ADHD assessment. I'm in my 50s.

Your most recent post shows a fundamental lack of understanding for a start but I'm going to ignore that for now.

When I was a child, I was the 'weird kid'. I didn't really have many friends. I just found people very difficult to understand. And they clearly didn't understand me either. I had very specific interests that no one else shared so it was hard to find common ground. I wasn't naughty but I was a misfit. I didn't really know that at the time though.

I've been a teacher for 20+ years. I've never disclosed it at work (due to potential for prejudice). So i don't have any 'offical' reasonable adjustments but I know what my limits are so I work according to my needs and I'm transparent about these and negotiate deadlines (for example) where necesary and appropriate. There is no slack for anyone else to pick up and no one else does any of my work. They can't. No one is negatively impacted by it and it's never been a 'problem' or raised as one.

My adult children are both diagnosed with ADHD (one also has dyspraxia and the other is also deaf).

My eldest graduated and works full time and has learnt to work within/around their needs, is progressing well and earns well for their age. My youngest is at university and will be entering a regulated profession and already knows what their 'accommodations' will need to be and that it is their responsibility to fulfill statutory obligations regardless of their own needs.

So you ask where have the naughty childen gone? As understanding has increased, some of those 'naughty children' are recognised as having been undiagnosed. ND presents differently in different people. My own issues have been present my whole life but I flew under the radar because girls have been undiagnosed for years becaue autism presents differently in girls to boys and the diagnostic model was based on boys. So girls simply weren't diagnosed in the past. They still had autism though.

Eg generally, girls are better at masking and copying social norms. Girls are also more accepting (through socialisation) so are more likely to overlook another girl's odd ways than boys are (due to their socialisation).

Education is very different now to it was when we were at school. It's far more rigid, the curriculum is packed, there is more to do in less time and many children struggle with numerous transitions, cognitive overload and lack of opportunity to consolidate learning (and not just ND children). Those children would have coped (as I did) with the school experience I had but are unable to cope now so are more likely to be flagged up and diagnosed.

I have three nephews. One has complex learning and physical disabilities but all are diagnosed with autism and have been since early childhood. All attended special schools. One has a degree and a masters, one is currently at university and one will never live independently.

I don't recognise the pattern of causing unhappiness and difficulties in family dynamics because we are an ND family so we don't work to NT standard rules and familial expectations. We have no issues in our family, despite the level of need within it, because that's the way our family is organised. The Maori word for autism translates as 'in their own time and space' and thats largely how our family operates. Lower demand, lower stress and so, ultimately, everyone thrives.

From what i have observed, autistic people struggle the most when born into a largely NT family because, despite people with autism being labeled as 'rigid', there is just as much rigidity in NT people/expectations but they regard their rigid understanding and expectations as 'normal' and get frustrated when ND people's needs/ways don't match.

I agree with you on #3.

Thank you so much for this response. I agree. I do need to explore the reasons why I feel the way I do

Thank you for this calm, reasoned answer. I absolutely agree that I'm uninformed and misinformed overall but that said I've spoken to both my two nieces and one nephew about their lives, attitudes, feelings and have been met with a shrug. They're all very intelligent but also dependent on their parents in two cases and partner in one for life's requirements. This is despite being able to, like I said before, achieve the mechanics of fun things to do unaided.
One nephew is mid 20s never had a job, slovenly, disrespectful and bullying, claims full PIP despite no physical limitations (?) needs help with everything, yet can perform DJ sets to hundreds of people, can go out with friends to cinema, fast food places etc but can't apply for a job or clean his room. Niece #1 is 30, never had a job, very aggressive, flip flops between wanting to emulate girly girl hello kitty kawaii style cutest female type and butch oil stained motorbike oversized clothing, determined to look as unattractive as possible, insists on they/them pronouns but is still called their original girls name, has made no effort to transition into a male appearing life despite insisting they're male. They can't get a job, clean up after themselves, etc but can travel hundreds of miles on public transport alone to meet strangers from like minded forums. Again claims PIP but won't pay parents fair share for living expenses (parents getting on in years).
Niece #2 is high functioning with a highly paid job where they interact with public, and professionals, daily public speaking , position of authority but are unable to conduct themselves in private life without their partner present in everything. Lots of pressure on partner which has caused MH issues.
I don't understand (but really want to) how these people are seemingly able to switch their issues on and off according to whether they enjoy the thing they're being asked to do. It makes me suspicious I'll admit.

Obviously more people are going to be diagnosed with ND (autism, adhd etc) because we know more about it, diagnostic tests are more common, there’s less stigma (we don’t hide them away anymore), we have access to way more people ( before you’d only know about those in your family/village, now we connect with people all over the country/world).

However, I get fed up with the amount of people who use ND as an excuse for bad behaviour.
Any time someone on has a partner who does something wrong, there are always posters suggesting ND.
On the OLD sites, nearly every other person says they’re autistic or ADHD - the amount of people who actually have one of these is way less. Basically they’re twats but because they say they’re ND they’re going to use it as an excuse.

I don't understand why everyone always equates adhd/autism with bad behaviour. I think it's because the only time they actually hear about a child with add/autism is when they come across one who does have behaviour problems caused by their condition. Plenty of add/autistic children have no behaviour problems at all, especially girl adhd which is quite often characterized by being especially quiet and shy.

I can relate to the spaced out girl. I was teased for that. Even my mum called me dreamy dill. I know I am probably autistic/add but was always well behaved (probably a bit too well looking back). Pointless getting diagnosed now but my grown children have been. 2/4 autism/adhd and I other add without the autism.

A lot of normal average people (left/right/in the middle) are frustrated about politicians and influencers so that list doesn’t indicate anything really.

ND or not, take people as you find them, I have met some dreadful ND and NT people and some lovely ND/NT people, if they are dicks they are dicks.

Trans rights activists have some valid concerns but no patience, they forget it took decades of calm, reasoned debate and addressing societal concerns for the gay movement to gain equality (and it’s not even truly equal yet), demanding “accept what I want now” isn’t the right way to go about things. Not to say there aren’t discussions to be had.

Scrotes are scrotes - criminal/dangerous behaviour is just that. Nothing to define a person for thinking it’s wrong.

Very difficult to define a person on that list but as that is what you asked you come across as a bang average, slightly judgemental, right leaning middle aged menopausal female. Nothing wrong with that but also nothing unique or enlightening.

Maybe your experience is the exception? Over my decades of teaching and now parenting, the vast majority of ND kids are not remotely naughty or unpleasant. Their behaviour can be challenging if the uniform environment they are forced into is intolerable for them. Given some adjustments, often relatively minor and easy to achieve, many thrive, especially post 16 when they are released from the straitjacket of mainstream schools. I completely understand why 1000+ comps need rules and uniformity to function safely but the lack of insight and understanding by professionals in the field is depressing.

No 2… people say ‘where were all these kids when I was young?’
Well my profoundly autistic, non verbal son would probably have been hidden away from society 50 years ago. I imagine some would prefer that to be the case now, judging by the looks we get, but sadly for them I take him to all the places I take my other, neurotypical children.

I was with you until number 2.

There are more people with autism and ADHD now for the same reason there were more stars once telescopes were invented. Do you really not get it? Better understanding and diagnosis rather than “naughty” kids being punished for being different and probably suffering from poor mental health for all of their adult lives.

Best not to speak on something that you don’t understand or have no experience of.

#2 - ableism

I thank God that an ADHD diagnosis aged 45 - when the wheels came off during menopause- has led to life changing medication and a greater understanding of myself.

Neurodiversity is normal. And becoming more so.

Only those who do not have to struggle with it are contemptuous. Hth.

"The big threats of war, climate change and natural disasters are no worse than usual."

That's an absurd comment! I nearly lost my home a few weeks ago due to horrific wildfires in the Welsh valleys. Some were natural, some were due to arson, but they kept burning and spreading and reigniting due to the drought caused (? and/or worsened?) by global warming. Your denial of climate change is worrying.

I think there are some parts of our society that are marvellous and others where we are sadly lacking. In relation to SEND we are better at diagnosis and theoretically that should lead to more help. That's a good thing, if the money is there for the support that is needed.

If you want to become a bit more informed on the autism side of things I can highly recommend this book

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Strong-Female-Character-Fern-Brady/dp/1914240448

It's by Fern Brady, a comedian who was on Taskmaster a few years ago, and is about her autism and the experience of being diagnosed as an adult, how she dealt with life before and afterwards.

It's a really good read, I found it really interesting and it's bloody funny to boot.

That's really sad. Would you mind sharing examples of your experiences?

It’s almost like a badge of honour on here, send out the klaxon call, I’m middle aged so intolerant.

personally I’m 57, trans is a tiny minority, tiny, and people in balanclaves is not something I come across, of course the incident recently was horrific, but it was so uncommon it’s why it made the news.

as for the politics, there has always been opposing views and politics no one agrees with, yes those guys to me are twats, but I don’t spend my days dwelling on it.

I keep thinking that this period will be looked back upon as a salient lesson. Due to the internet giving the opportunity for the
least reasonable people, to encourage each other into bullying society with their unreasonableness. The gender dysphoric people come under this category.

The removal of an active effective police force and an effective judiciary by soggy liberalism that has zero comprehension of sociopathology let alone psychopathology.

one of the worst things that has happened to our society is that soggy people have gained power, and projected themselves as ‘ the norm’ … they say we see all the world through our own subjective lense. Soggy liberals have no understanding at all of why a deterrent or a punitive approach would be effective, they don’t recognise criminality for what it actually is. A pathology.

unintelligent people being given a collective voice has resulted in a reign of nonsense and small minded victim mentality that prefers the blame game to self awareness.

I rather think there will be limits placed on the internet in the future, so that stupid people will remain in their own small community rather than enabling one another to cause stupid mayhem.

Agree with all except 2

I’m a left leaning moderate and share similar views. I have dabbled between slightly right and slightly left but the far right pushes me further left